Nedolyublennosti Nedolyublennosti parents many believe the main cause of failure in his personal life. And even professional even.
Often complaints to life and nedolyublennosti the appellant and his partner. "Under-loved little wolf," remember? And if complaining nedolyublennosti made sensitive, dependent, hungry to love, under-loved little wolf — insensitive, closed, cold and incapable of love. The same nedolyublennosti gives the opposite effect! Oh, these villains-parents, all beduschi from them. Any thug in a dark alley is better than the parents.
My whole life is under-loved trying to get the lost love, along the way, doublea under-loved cubs. The result is a personal life nedolyublennosti resembles the alternation demyanovo soup, which they stuffed under-loved cubs, and with tongs, rolling pins that they knock out love for yourself.
All this hellish coven is based wrong one installation. Many people believe that someone else's love fills them with energy. It's such a vampiric setting: need to suck the love from your partner, it is necessary to stuff him with your love. Allegedly, someone else's love is such a valuable food that helps a person become stronger and happier. That is why claims to parents: nedodali, greedy, cheated! And the partners claim: give, give, give, feed the hungry, don't be a cheapskate.In fact, anyone to feed their love impossible. And others love to be fed is impossible.
So no point don't have complaints that you didn't love. You had to give. Physical care may give material support — Yes, your example could show, to teach something — probably (if you are able, and you were willing to learn), even with respect to provide could in some extent (not fully, because I care and equal treat would), but love you to nourish not.
People really do feed on love. You can say people only feed on love.But they feed YOUR love. Let me say again? His love of people eat.
They love and hence their energy they contain is increased from the love. They love to read, get reading energy. I love to plant flowers, take from it strength and inspiration. They love their children, and a lot of energy obtained from communication with them. Love the parents too. I love your husband or wife, take energy. Fell in love with someone or in something, went to the flow of energy. Even food you can eat when hungry, love the food. Love is the basis of life. This is YOUR only love, and not someone else's.
Energy = motivation = desire to do something. Your attraction, not the neighbor. Yes, in order to get energy from the love of man, love must be mutual.
Speculative impossible to love someone, it will be incomplete love, invented by this love energy can be obtained only loan. True love is expressed in action. You have to care about the person, you have to admire them and to tell him about love, to interact with him, bringing him benefit. But from this love we can really get energy a lot of energy.
But to Express your love in actions is possible only if the person is open to you, loves you as well. If he do not need your love or a burden, if he can't reciprocate, he gets energy from love.Energy can be obtained only from your love!
He doesn't like you and so he is forced to communicate with you, to spend your attention and time to receive from you any services and feel the duty, and from all that energy he will not. Understand why reciprocity is so important?
With mutual love you love and get not only your own energy but the second give the chance to get energy and not MOPE around you in a swamp of apathy, indifference and discouragement, and even pity for you, guilt. It is impossible to love someone and do not care about his own happiness.That's why, seeing a non-reciprocal love, we have to leave the person alone and to love someone who can love us.
The source of love within ourselves, but we need another person to this source earned.
But many in the head the wrong picture. The pattern in which you give someone love, you give your. Because of this wrong picture of a stuffed his love, who doesn't love trying to push him this gift. Actually, they just use the second to enjoy its sense, though to enjoy it more and more difficult, feeling the uselessness of their actions. But it seems it all as a gift, as a source of energy which want to give a second, loveless.Loveless can't get no love! You can only eat their own love, but the favorite is needed in order to inspire and motivate to love. He, too, must love, to your love for him is not met obstacles.
Where are the under-loved?
It's stuck in the infantile people who are accustomed to nourish their self-esteem approval. If a little approval, they feel hungry and robbed. They recall my childhood and they think that the approval had very little memory of them focuses on children's grief and sorrows. They don't remember parental care and the parent works, they remember all the hurtful moments, put them in a box and extracted just that, when I want to feel sorry for yourself (self-pity is a perverted form of love, the opposite of self-esteem). Then they scolded, then not praised, here the criticism was unfair, and there they calmly drove away.They have taken away the approval which was required.
They feel like flowers that have bent from drought when they have spare heads. They are unable enough to get stronger because you have less love.It was as if something in this world is growing bliss. Infantile installation — all to one based on the idea that energy comes from idleness, and any work energy is expended.
When infant grows up, he wants to get someone on the neck. Girls looking for infantile men's neck men-infantile are also looking for ways almost nothing to do, but a lot to gain. The head was Infante no communication of the work, struggle and energy, he thinks it's all a waste of energy, and get energy just from sitting. Work and pleasure in the head was Infante — incompatible concepts. That is why he complains nedolyublennosti. He thinks it's his right to approval not for something, but just. For the mere fact of their presence. If a person is not Infante, he realizes that all problems, hardships and failures — first, the healthy norm, and secondly, a condition for training, to increase strength.
Will not train your muscles, if you don't overcome the resistance of the shells.
He is grateful to all the problems that could be solved, because the problem is solved makes a person strong. Because of this he does not believe approval than mandatory, and the refusal to approve something villainous. Of course he's happy approval, especially well, but without the approval of the waivers would not have a sense of not worth anything.
If you were to get approval it would be easy and it relied on default, what would be the point? That's why he never will complain, blaming someone that it is not enough love for free. He is not coming.
It is very important to change the focus of perception, and to cease to demand from the world of unconditional love and considered idleness a pleasure. The worst hell people are going through, that's not anything you want to do.
Is a clinical depression, it's the bottom of an energy pit. Love and idleness, you do the steps to this hell.Turn around while you can and turn your face to the struggle and hard work. With this setting, you gradually loosen your wheel energy and will feel on top of life flow.
As soon as the idleness will cease to seem happy, you will disappear claim that someone something has to give. You will not have the value that you just give, will be worth only what you can do to earn, achieve, achieve. And then it turns out that the parents loved you and doljubili, but if somewhere was cold and indifferent, it did not take away from you,on the contrary helped to develop some of my support, not relying on parents.
Too much parental support is a much more serious problem than its lack (except for necessities of life and health care, it is the duty of parents, for failure to comply with this duty it is necessary to deprive of the parental rights). Excess emotional and material support to prevent their own supports, and sometimes turns into a lack of adaptation and even pumping.Adaptation is preparing children for life in a world where no one will be his mother.
About that many parents completely forget now, trying to fill her approval and admiration for anything, just, "of course love" and loving passionately, and as a result the child is not able to withstand any stress, even the most normal, and mad is on the parents because all used to appeal to them for support.
Best of all, when parental support is not less than is necessary, and no more, and as long as necessary for the gradual maturation of the child without sticking in infantilism. published
Author: Marina Komissarova
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©