How safe will share with the child feelings Bashny.Net

How to share feelings with the child, while not overloading him with responsibility for kontynuowana parent's experience?

I am convinced that the child can and should share the feelingsbecause the parent is alive, imperfect, and could worry and doubt, and excitement, and other feelings. So the child gets a "right" to the same processes, which will undoubtedly facilitate his life when he will experience something similar.





However, I am also convinced that the child cannot do parent experience, to rely on him as an adult, because he couldn't do it, and if its support count, as support of an adult, it will always be at the expense of those of its resources that are designed for growth, separation, adaptation to the world.

The family moved to another city and the mother of the younger school student, my client, is experiencing anxiety and uncertainty, and fear — how will adapt, and all will be well. Her son worried, too, and mom bravely hiding his feelings from his son.

— Why don't you tell him that you is also scary and difficult? — I ask. In the end, you in the same feelings and can help each other to live combines the warmth and intimacy...

I'm afraid to overload it, it's not easy, and here I am with my fears.

My adult client tells how often in my childhood listened to my mom, who was very unhappy, felt sorry for her and wanted to be helpful. She carefully suppressed irritation that ceased to feel it.

And she ceased to feel fatigue, disgust and a heavy weight that leaned on her mother, assigning her his girlfriend, revealing all their secrets, even intimate details. The fear of being bad for my mother was stronger than their own needs.





It seems, and the mother of the boy and the mother of my adult clients are unable to find the right line when necessary is dangerous.

The feelings of a parent of the child is necessary as a way to be with the living parent, as the opportunity to experience togetherness, empathy as to their own feelings.

However, the responsibility for them is dangerous for him.

Probably, parents need to rely on its responsibility for the feelings and processes:

"I too, like you, worried about our move, and I think as we get settled... How to remember where the shops are, where the subway... to Find a good school.
But I know that dad can handle. And you support, if necessary — for example, it is important for us as you get settled in a new school."

This tiny, but in fact is a Grand difference and determines how safe the child with the parent's feelings.

Security depends on who owns the responsibility for them is parent or child.And the child should have the right to say "Stop I had enough" if he gets more than what you can bear. Security is further defined responsibilities and boundaries. Nothing new. published

 

Author: Veronica Brown

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.facebook.com/veronika.hlebova.9/posts/10208055318876796