In each case it is necessary to understand individually, but it is clear that lying is a psychological defense mechanism in the coordinate system where the child is.
Describe several possible variants.
Lie as a way to avoid punishment.
If parents are excessively demanding and strict, the child is faced with a dilemma: to tell the truth and be punished (sometimes severely) or lie to avoid punishment. What would you choose?Lie – as a protest to the excessive control of parents.
If parents control every step of the child, then he does not have personal space in which to develop his personality. Parents do not have enough whether of delicacy, whether psychological knowledge to recognize that the child is a separate person who needs personal space, which would not have access to anyone, including the parent. And so with lies, the child begins to form this space. The lie becomes the only possible condition for the survival of his soul!False as care fantasy from the unbearable reality.
Adults can underestimate the complexity of the internal psychological work of the child at the stage of growing up. The child needs to answer many questions: do I on earth? Like if I was the parents? Why did I come from? It so happens that the reality is not in favor of supporting a growing person, and sometimes even Vice versa. Then the child needs this reality to deal with.
And one of the options is a care, in fantasies, which parents may interpret as a lie. Here is the most typical example. Parents work a lot and so the child was raised by grandparents. Such a child, as a rule, a lot of pain for this reason and many fantasies, to have this pain to deal with. This is a fantasy of parental love, support, and joint trips. Depending on the age of the child the imagination and reality can be confused in his head, and then adults can accuse the child of lying.
Lies as a reflection of the large number of lies in the family system.
In some families in order to lie, to keep back, to hide. Children can be drawn into the false one of the parents. For example, a mother may tell her daughter: "Just you this don't tell dad!" And then the younger the child perceives the lie as a normal pattern of behavior. And, accordingly, reproduces it in his life based on the imitation of the example of adults.
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Parents, before you punish the child for lying, it is advisable to understand the motives of his action.
To punish is the most simple, reactive way of responding. And maybe we should take responsibility for the situation? Because the child is part of your family system and the degree of openness depends on how he feels safe.published
Author: Irina Ryzhenko