The ebb and flow in relationships

I am often asked is it normal for people in relationships argue, sort things out, away from each other, sometimes not talking and the like? Maybe they ask, it's not love, but addiction? Maybe it worth to treat?

During the work I came to the conclusion that all relationships have the so-called tides. This is quite natural cycles of development of the relationship. It's like the inhale and exhale.

There may be a period when two people get on very well. That is, live in perfect harmony, understand each other perfectly, and poluvzglyada. Sex – the pinnacle of bliss and togetherness. The proximity of the communication limit. And it seems that better him or her there is no light that a number of the most close and native people.

Then something happens, or even happens, and just gradually starts to fade. People are moving away from each other emotionally, the communication becomes superficial, alienated. Increases distance. Perhaps it increases one and another trying to return everything to its original place. As a rule, it does not help. Sex becomes routine or even goes out of the relationship. It begins to seem that the once close friends become complete strangers to each other and wonder what they are doing together. In the extreme point it may be hatred or disgust.

Is this normal? A more normal and can not be. As is the sea or the ocean tides, as they are in the relationship. The natural cycles of approach and separation.

I would say that health-ill health relations is determined by the amplitude. The greater the delight, admiration, adoration and more distinct then the depreciation, insults, violation of the limits, the more people get bogged down in a very emotional, very passionate, but equally painful relationships (in the figure the development of the relations marked with a red line). Such peaks of emotion cause a dependent addiction and can lead almost to the obsession of another person. In the “plus” two people euphoria in the red – severe pain.

The smoother and quieter be UPS and downs, the healthier relationships and stronger long-term attachment (on the picture in green). This relationship illuminated by mutual respect, recognition, mutual acceptance, warmth and tender love. Two of them have the commonality of values and beliefs, a similar worldview. Such a pair has all the chances in the wise resolution of conflicts and crises to face the end of life together.

You'd think it would be better absolutely no drops from “plus” to “minus” (shown in blue). But, oddly enough, is a dead relationship. Imagine a cardiogram and think about what it means a straight line... That's what it is. A relationship where there are no cycles “of approach and distancing” is a sad thing, not like the relationship. Then one man, then another pull partner at the entertainment, to business, to the time together. All this is happening with creep, with barely contained indifference or dissatisfaction. Emptiness defines these relations. Deep down everyone in this pair knows what is next with the wrong person, and openly or secretly looking for a partner replacement.


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So I wish you to enjoy moments of ebb in relations to the fullest and to live the tides with maximum awareness and benefits for himself (in these times it is good to attend to their personal goals and plans).

If it does, it is necessary to “treat”.

If the relationship is dead, it is not treated, it is necessary to just leave.published


Author: Lilia Ahremchik


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©



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