The bitter experience of women from "dangerous men»

"We are not able to prevent what cannot identify; we are not able to cure what can not diagnose. And we can't teach others how to recognize, yet we do not understand this pathology.»

Millions of dollars have been invested in the study of psychopaths, while to the depth of disturbing by-product of psychopathy — their victims were left without proper attention. As the number of male psychopaths in 3-4 times the number of psychopaths are female, I will discuss in this article is mainly women who are victims of psychopaths.

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Despite the fact that psychopaths will destroy everyone in its path, including loving their women and children why clinicians did not consider it appropriate to study and write about the single most obvious source of understanding of this problem: survivors of intimate relationships with psychopaths?

The study of any disease involves the thorough collection and testing of his symptoms, and psychopathy is without a doubt is a social disease. Even our justice system collects information about criminals, interviewing witnesses. And again I have a question: why there are no clinical data, not to mention a missing interest, the partners of psychopaths who are in relationships with them?

I think the answer to this question is: therapists don't see one or another woman is the victim of psychopaths, because they are usually not able to recognise psychopaths as such! In the rare occasions when she is recognized as victim of a psychopath, a therapist mixes it with a total mass of more typical victims of domestic violence, or attribute it to the category in pathological dependence on partner sex and/or suggest that she suffers from a dependent personality disorder.

These erroneous and often prejudice explanations of pathological love relationships has never been able to help victims find specific treatment, focused on the characteristic dynamics of relations and their consequences, or to contribute to our understanding of the topic of psychopathy in General. The fact that victims are reluctant to identifitseerida and poorly understood by physicians as such that leads to the loss of this source of vital information, is a parody of the profession "doctors".

In the study area pathology I accidentally got. I wasn't going to work with the patients, consisting in the so-called relations of cluster B (i.e., narcissistic, antisocial and dramatic disorder, and borderline personality disorder; personality disorders relate to one of three clusters according to their common features). I was just trying to provide psychotherapeutic counselling to victims of crime.

However, taking the first step in the direction of psychopathology today — after 20 years of "treatment" people with personality disorders — I took a new look at the scale of the ongoing devastation caused by the "dangerous and severe personality disorders" as they are called Otto Kernberg.

These serious mental disorders have a negative impact not only on the patient but also for family members, partners, friends, children and even themselves therapists. I am still numb to the fact that progress in the treatment of people with personality disorders measured by literally millimeters, while the destruction caused by them are progressing by leaps and bounds.

After many years of working with my patients focus my activities began to shift. I realized that my time and energy could be spent more productively to help those who could not in time to see how pathological individuals become part of their lives. Their problem is obvious: these women have become victims because are unable to understand the difference between the usual variety of personalities and symptoms of pathology.

Despite the fact that most individuals with personality disorders are able for a certain period of time to hide under the "mask of sanity", there are certain signs and symptoms that the layman can learn and thus avoid the most devastating events in his life.

I noticed that the bitter experience of women from "dangerous men" boils down to two types of pathology: narcissism and a full range of anti-social pathologies, including antisocial personality disorder, sociopathy and psychopathy. So I began to inform masses of people about psychopathology.

In one of my first books — "How to spot a dangerous man before you engage in relations" (How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved) - I paid great attention to the effects that personality disorders cluster B can have on interpersonal relations, marking them as "relationships are inevitably painful".

As soon as I provided psychological support to the victims affected by people with personality disorders, and learned from them the details from which my hair stood on end, I began to wonder why physicians do not bother to study the victims of the most dangerous interpersonal relationships on the planet!

If measures to prevent violence practised 70 years, why this group of potential victims at risk of deadly violence have not been identified with a view to its prevention or, at least, for medical therapy? Why no one ever came to the idea to gather victims this valuable information, which could provide they alone?

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Being one of the first physicians that began to intensively study the clinical aspects of victims of psychopaths, I was surprised to find that these women had remarkably similar traits.

The history of the development of their relationship was comparable among themselves, and their post-traumatic symptoms are very similar. At the same time, despite the above-mentioned distortion of the therapists on their clinical picture and about the view of most people about their problems, it was found that women who were in romantic relationships with psychopaths do not match any of the stereotypes attributed to them! Ironic was the fact that they have a lot of similarities, which, however, had nothing to do with label them the labels!

In that I founded the Institute conducted a comprehensive study of over 75 women from all over the world (the number of women who participated in this study have increased significantly since then). As a result, extensive research was gathered the history of their relationship, the symptoms, their traits, their characteristic behavior and also the dynamics of their relationships with pathological partners.

The study of victims has revealed previously unexplored problem of their unusual dynamics of relationships and often hidden post-traumatic symptoms. (For more information read Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists. 2nd edition, author Sandra L. brown (Sandra L. Brown)). This study also shed light on some unusual aspects of the behavior of psychopaths in intimate relationships. It was a truly shocking insight about the dynamics of the lifestyle of psychopaths.

It was discovered following:

  • Educated and well-bred woman described numbness or a "strong attachment" in relationships with psychopaths, possessing extraordinary skills in the use of suggestibility to other people.

  • The psychopath seduced them with a hypnotic induction, introducing them to a trance state, which contributed to the "retention" of women in these relations.

  • The intensity of attachment and fear had a negative impact on her perception of sex and social connection with a psychopath.

  • The dichotomous personality of a psychopath like "Jekyll and Hyde" together with the dynamics of struggle and conflict between the moral and primitive needs, which is accompanied by a loss of control and risky behaviour, contributed to the development of cognitive dissonance in victims, weakening the overall strong emotional Constitution.

  • The consequences for the victim either resembled or actually was post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), even in the absence of physical violence.

  • Recent breakthroughs in neuroscience explained brain differences in psychopathy (and other disorders grade B). It helped clinical understanding of the fixed nature of these disorders. While we hope that this will correct the erroneous belief that psychopathy is not just intentional behavior, it is also clear that the lack of knowledge the victims interferes with their ability to understand the persistence of these disorders; the victims continue to believe that aggressive intervention or therapy can change a sociopath.

The innovative aspect of this study was to detect unique and distinct "super devil" character of these women, their strengths and weaknesses, which turned out to be amazingly fit the strengths and weaknesses of psychopaths and naturally "balanced" the romantic side of their relationship.

Despite the fact that the disclosure inherent in these women's traits and their conditional behavior is explained a lot in such relationships and has brought great mental and emotional relief to other victims, one gets the impression that it didn't really change the existing incorrect public perception of psychopaths or their victims.

During a recent radio program host, describing the highest expression of certain traits inherent in the victims of psychopaths, and explaining how this can affect patterns of choice psychopaths of their victims and even characteristic of the victims of tolerance in these relationships, said, "This is bullshit! You want to say that the reason certain traits? I don't believe it. She picked him up and stayed with him. She had to admit. It is also possible that she was abused in childhood.»

Such simplistic answers were and are a characteristic sign of extreme lack of awareness among the public about psychopathology.

As already mentioned, my research has shown that women who usually enter into a love relationship with a psychopath (and men with other disorders of cluster B) have a fairly unique and inimitable "super-traits" of character, which make them the perfect target/victim for a psychopath.

In this list are not all the typical traits, but merely the most obvious that can attract psychopath:

  • Agreeableness and attraction to exciting stimuli and experiences. (Psychopaths are also extroverts and have a craving for arousing stimuli). In other words, prior to the entry into relationships with psychopaths, these women were the most independent on the planet people!

  • Contribution to the relationship. (The victim usually makes a great emotional, spiritual, physical, financial contribution to any type of relationship, not just friends.)

  • Sentimentality.

  • Attachment. (She has the capacity for deep affection.)

  • Competitiveness. (It is unlikely to remain without a relationship and will stand his ground. Again, this is not a sign of dependence on others.)

  • Weak feeling harm. (She expects that she gets hurt, she perceives others as yourself. In other words, it has no tendency to revive the memory of the abusive relationship to her childhood in the relationship with other people. In fact, these women usually never ill-treated in childhood.)

  • Cooperation.

  • Strong sense of empathy. (This can be an innate quality.)

  • A sense of responsibility and initiative.

I think we can all agree that these traits describe outstanding in all respects a woman! These fabulous quality at first glance do not seem problematic. Nevertheless, some of these qualities were expressed in 97% above average, thus proving that too much good is a bad thing. Summing up, they can be described as follows:

An overly developed sense of empathy + strong commitment + high sentimentality + underdeveloped ability to avoid trouble.

Trouble is inevitable. These are women who love with all my heart, for which interpersonal relations are of primary importance and which tend to trust openly because they believe that all people are good, decent and loyal as they are. Moreover, their dreamlike quality cause them to remain with these beliefs despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Despite the fact that the identification of these over-the-top combinations of qualities can seem to be a bad omen, this is actually good news. We cannot prevent something that is not able to identify. We can't treat what was diagnosed. And we can't teach people how to identify psychopaths, yet do not understand this disease.

Acquiring new understanding, we will be able to use this information for the development of targeted and adequate treatment programs and — more importantly — educate the public about psychopathy, aimed at those who are at greatest risk of developing and maintaining relationships with psychopaths.

Since the first publication of my book Women Who Love Psychopaths I spent more than a year to develop new approaches to our treatment programs, using this specific information. I designed these programs specifically for women who were in relationships with men-psychopaths. Providing psychological support for dozens of patients, I have gained a new understanding of the specific aspects of the devastating consequences of this relationship that had to endure those women.

New data related to these findings, was later added in my book. As my own understanding of the problem and the personal experience of close fellowship my patients with psychopaths are very different from many traditional and even clinical publications on the subject of psychopaths. This is not surprising when you consider how victims of psychopaths have acquired this experience.

My understanding of this psychological disorder have developed based on my unique experience in the treatment of victims of psychopaths, shared with me his bitter experience with psychopaths. The approach to the topic from the point of view of the victims of psychopaths will broaden and deepen your understanding of this problem.

My point of view may differ from the views of other researchers of psychopathy, dealing mainly with criminal psychopaths in prison, researchers working in the laboratories, or instructors in a University environment, teaching psychopathology. In most of these cases, the only available for the study of psychopathic subjects are prisoners. Psychopaths described in my book, are psychopaths walking around free. Those who can be called "successful psychopaths".

This factor highlights the difference in the approach presented in my book. I have made psychological profiles of psychopaths are based on information provided by their sexual partners, and not on standard research methods, depending in large measure from the fact that the sociopaths tell themselves about themselves.

This fact is problematic when you consider that lying is the basic quality of psychopaths. Women who are victims of psychopaths, in detail answered questions about the behavior of psychopaths and their inherent dynamics of relationships.

My experience has taught me that of the victims and other witnesses description of the behaviour of psychopaths can learn a lot of information. Words and actions are closely observed for a long time, represent a vast source of information upon which to draw a conclusion about the mindset of psychopaths.

I wrote this book to help the victims of psychopaths to realize unprecedented riskiness of their situation, past, present and future. I hope that this book will teach them how to protect themselves from other predators and to prevent psychopaths caused the damage.

For more than 20 years of counseling I sadly saw hundreds (if not thousands) of lives destroyed by individuals with different levels of pathological and psychopathic deviation. This growing at the global level pathology is today one of the main problems of mental health of our society simply based on the number of victims of psychopaths, that psychopathy inevitably creates.



Psychology of poverty or the Barriers to wealthEpic blockage of the brain: How destructive people skillfully shift the responsibility on you More importantly, I believe that this book marked the beginning of the process of public education on the topic of psychopathy. I believe that the only way to prevent damage damage psychopaths in society is informing the wider population about this problem. This kind of education can help women to make more rational decisions about choosing the fathers of their future children, explaining:

  • the risk of hereditary transmission of mental disorders from the fathers of their children psychopaths

  • as the founding fathers of psychopaths are able to inflict emotional damage on their children

To increase public awareness of this problem, women need to know the typical traits of psychopaths are male. They will not be able to understand the psychopaths, until they find out what are psychopaths, how they operate and masked. published  


Author: Sandra L. Brown




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