17 hilarious memuarov from Yakov Kostyukovskiy — the man who put the "Jewish question"

Yakov kostyukovskiy Aronovich is the co — author (together with M. Slobodskoy, L. Gaidai and) the scripts for the films "Operation "y" and other adventures Shurik", "Caucasian captive", "diamond hand", writer of many other cinematic masterpieces — one of those magicians Comedy, whose creativity brings joy to several generations of viewers.

Fotoalbom.ivot wrote about it Viktor Shenderovich:

"On the street Kostyukovskiy don't know -- but how were people to know the co-author of the dialogues, which are learned by heart was the fifth generation of Russians? He was too wise to upset the nameless. <...>

It was impossible to imagine Kostyukovskiy, telling the pioneers about their lives. And to tell was that! And frontline years, and friends... Farewell Yevgeny Petrov, friendly attention, Zoshchenko, Olesha friendship with, the lessons of Emile Meek... But why the pioneers? But for the present all this is in the stone age. Era. Corny, but she leaves every day. The teachers he has experienced almost half a century, and peers was almost gone...

Last March we met on the posthumous anniversary of Grigory Gorin, the theater Stage, and Yakov Aronovich warned:
— Victor, I'll tell you now the words that I speak to almost no one. And after a pause said: — I am glad to see you.

His humor, as befits the humor of the sage, was mixed with the bitterness of the highest standard. He is a long time — never, actually! — there was nothing to do where laugh in the forehead, coming from the ass".

About this bygone era Yakov Aronovich left a lot of records, consisting of statements of others and from his own accurate observations. These short recordings he called "memoirable":

— Yakov Aronovich, what is Memoirist?
Is — alloy unpretentious and easy memoir of insanity, is understandable at my age.

The website publishes for its readers a selection of these fun "memuarov".

The poet David Samoilov (in pärnu):
— Yasha, I finally invented the world's best couplet.
— What?
— "Jacob, drink brandy!"
Poet Mikhail Svetlov.

— Michael Abramovich, thank You for your book and especially for the autograph, but because of it I can't let anyone through Your book show.
— Because of the autograph? What did I spin?
— You wrote:
"Asuna Kostyukovskiy, giant of poetry, from the same".
Mikhail Svetlov.

— And what a holiday today, Mikhail Arkadievich?
— Well, of course! Today we mark 30% of the centennial anniversary of the classic of Soviet poetry of Yevgeny Yevtushenko.

The years take their toll. Now I give good advice to the young, because it can no longer serve as a bad example.

I'm on the take-Estet. I accept bribes only in liquid currency.

The Soviet Pegasus must be a horse's health.
Poet and translator Semyon Lipkin:
— You know, Yasha, I found king Solomon's remarkable phrase. Quote?
— Of Course, Semen Izrailevich.
In translation it reads: "I can afford it all and so does not allow". In my opinion, this is good information to Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.

Writer Emil Meek.
— Why is the life we have, Emil Y. so much more expensive?
Because she has ceased to be a necessity.

The Poet Alexander Galich.
— Sasha, why do you drink so much?
— Now I have. You know, I was baptized. And we Gentiles are alcoholics. Nikolai Smirnov-Sokolsky (very young Kostyukovskiy):
— You are mistaken, young man. I'm not an anti-Semite, I'm even married to a Jewish woman.
Ah, that explains why You're an anti-Semite.
Leonid Utesov.
— Leonid Osipovich, why Your friend Arnold in card wins, and the run loses?
Because, Yasha, he can't hide in the sleeve of the trump horse.
Playwright and co-author Moris Slobodskoy.
— You know, Maurice, tonight I saw a terrible dream. I dreamed that CSKA lost to Dinamo 0:7.
— You, Jacob, still not our man!
— But it's in my dreams!
— The fact of the matter! How could you possibly sleep if we were losing 0:7!

Alexander Beck:
— I the writers ' Union offered the cottage, and a car, and apartment. I refused. Not much to grab and obituary spoil.

Evgeny Petrov:
— Ilya Ilf — mannered and extremely considerate man: he only remembers the day, not the year of birth of wife.
Faina Ranevskaya:
When I die, at the funeral put me in the casket face down: don't want to see.

— What, Yakov Aronovich, its a joke You think is the best?
I hope she's still ahead.
— Well, of the ones that already were? In the movies Gaidai, for example?
Before gaydaevskih movies I light one joke twenty cents paid. After Stalin's death, several writers and artists were arguing in the restaurant of the House of the Actor, where he was buried. And I said, Let him be buried anywhere but on Calvary — there to raise up.

— Grigory Efimovich, what do you think about the process of Khodorkovsky?
— And you, Simon Markovich?
— The same...

— You were, Polina Abramovna, at the wedding of Rita and Roma?
Was. It is long.
— Why do you think so?
— I met with the mother of the groom and mother of the bride. They don't fit together... Newspaper prints anti-Semitic anecdotes with flavor.
Really?
— No, "Komsomolskaya Pravda"...
I — a young man and can drink only polruki of vodka, but always start with the bottom half.
— Still a pity that I am a Jew, not a Muslim.
And what would that change?
I have a lot. For example, I would have given the mother on the birthday of the veil...
— I wish you, Isaac Abramovich, according to our Hasidic tradition to live a hundred and twenty years. And at the same time — without the insanity.
— And then?
— And then you can with the insanity. — I know a typical Hasidic family. Husband argues that the need to drink more. Wife thinks you need to drink less. What do you think, Rabbi, who is right?
I do not know. The important thing is both he and she agree that you need to drink...

— Sit down, Katzenbogen, but bear in mind that late is very bad.
— Not always, Rabbi. For example, my great-grandfather was late for the Titanic.

Why should I car? I saw our mayor in the metro every two minutes takes the train with flashing lights I go where I want.
— What leg do You have pain, Yakov Aronovich?
— The fact of the matter is that left. I absolutely can't work. I write with the left foot.
I am for an arranged marriage, but in marriage I am looking for love!
From a conversation with daughter Inna:
— You, my daughter, can afford it, because you're the daughter of the writer. But I can't because I'm the son of an accountant.
Vain Nikita Mikhalkov was fired from Home movie Yuli Gusman. It is always necessary to have a smart Jew.
— Yes, it's another Engels understood.
At a meeting of Old New year in the arts was a competition for the best epigram. The main prize — roast goose. First place went to the young satirists of Bahnou and kostyukovskiy, who wrote only two lines. "I want the goose! Epigram."
I do not believe in God, and God knows that.
Israel is my historical homeland, and Russia is prehistoric.
— What is the time difference between Jerusalem and Moscow?
— About two and a half thousand years.
— What happened in the CDL, Yakov Aronovich?
— I went on stage to open the meeting "April". Only had time to say: "Good evening, dear friends!", as someone from the audience shouted: "Your friends in Israel", and began the famous anti-Semitic campaign "Memory" in the CDL. Of course, from the audience shouted the villain, but essentially he was right.

— Yakov Aronovich, who do You think is to blame, that still has not solved the Jewish question?
— I do not think, but know — it was my fault and Moris Slobodskoy.
— What are You?
— We have in the script "Brilliant hands" was the phrase the superintendent, "And I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out that your husband is secretly visits the synagogue." The phrase the boss banned us with the following wording: "the Authors have put the Jewish question and decided it."

Not repeated! If all the time to repeat the word "Trotter", he turns into a rat.
African Negro black color is a solid color.
Guus Hiddink — led football team of Russia from Holland. It reminds me of phone sex.
Last joke Kostyukovskiy written on the paper, his last day at home: "Woman is created from rib, so it instead of the usual brain — bone".
And here I am before thee, Lord, if you can, don't judge me too harshly.
For my entire life, Yankel-Joseph kostyukovskiy, you don't have time to write anything brilliant. Leave you like lagging for a second term.

via izbrannoe.com/news/yumor/memuarazmy-yakova-kostyukovskogo/