20 newest jokes on the Factroom

Website He tells jokes.



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- Mom, buy a dog!
- Nope!
- Mom, buy it, please!
- I said no!
- Look how beautiful she is!
- Leave me alone, sell your dog to someone else!

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Question from our TV viewer from Ukhryupinsk:
Dear connoisseurs, do you remember the animated film "Holidays in Prostokvashino"?
When Matroskin rented a cow Murka, which gave birth to a calf, which turned out to be a Gavryush bull.
Question: “How is Matroskin going to get twice as much milk?”

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The hunter came to the restaurant. Looks at the menu of "grouse cutlets." Ordered. He's getting a huge plate of cutlets. He called the waiter:
- I'm a hunter. I know what a grouse is. This little bird, and to make such a plate of cutlets, you need to shoot a whole bunch of grouse. Do you have something to dilute the meat?
- Well, to be honest, yes.
- What if it's not a secret?
- Konina.
- What proportions?
- Well, about one to one.
- 1 kg of horse meat per 1 kg of grouse?
- Nope. One grouse, one horse.

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I was interviewed today by a well-known company. A cute HR manager, without thinking twice, gives me a laptop and says slyly:
- Try selling it to me!
Well... I took this laptop, walked out of the office with it... and then left altogether.
When I got home, I got a call from the HR manager, screaming in a hysterical voice:
- Get my laptop back right now, asshole!
I didn't even mind:
- No question, my dear. 400 bucks and it's yours!

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What is capitalism?
- It is the exploitation of man by man.
- And socialism?
- On the contrary.

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A young couple decided to have a baby. Try for a month, two, try for a year... it doesn’t work.
We decided to go to the doctor, get checked out.
- Doctor, for a long time already trying to have a child, but failed. We've been trying for over a year, what do we do?
The doctor looked at them and said,
- Are you guys serious?

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- Ida Kazimirovna, you are an intelligent woman, and you hit our senior researcher with an iron!
- There's no fan at hand, you know.

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The crew working at the bottom of the quarry was informed that an advance had been brought. No one climbed the career ladder so quickly.

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22:00 - Honey, choose me or football?
23:50 - Of course you are, dear!

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Late night. A drunken man returns home, his whole face in lipstick, powder, blush... An angry wife on the doorstep:
- Well, what is it?
- Honey, you won't believe it! Fighting a clown!

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- I'm sorry I called so late.
- Nope. It's not too late.

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Watching my mother try on a new fur coat made of natural fur,
I noticed:
- Mom, do you realize that this fur coat is the result of terrible suffering?
A poor, miserable animal?
Mother looked at Vovochka sternly and replied:
- How can you say that about your father? !

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A commission from the abbots of other monasteries came to one monastery. One of the members of the commission comes to the local abbot and says with amazement that the monks smoke during prayer!
- So what? Our monastery asked the Holy Synod whether it is possible to smoke
during prayer.
- What did they say?
- You can't. And then we asked if we could pray while smoking, and we were told we could. It all depends on the question!

via anekdot.dirty.ru