10 best Jewish jokes about high matters

From folklore of a Jew, the hero of jokes with God he has his own special relationship! The website publishes a selection of wonderful anecdotes on this topic. The priest says to the Rabbi:
— Here you have a simple and Rabbi dies Rabbi. And I hope to become a Bishop.
— Let's say. What's next?
— A Bishop can become a cardinal!
— Let's say. What's next?
Well... the cardinal can become a Pope.
What?
What's next, what's next?! Can't a man become a God!
I think One Jewish boy is already possible.

***

The pastor argued with the Rabbi whose God is stronger.
— My stronger, says pastor. — That I sail once on the ship, and suddenly the storm. I prayed to God, and he did so around there was a storm, and where we swam — a full calm.
— That's what! — said the Rabbi. — Here come I Saturday down the street and suddenly you see a purse on the road. And on Saturday it could not raise. I prayed, and God made it so that round was Saturday, and where I was standing Thursday!

***

Jesus, Moses and God the father play Golf. Moses hits the ball, and he falls into the ocean. Moses takes a step, the waters parted, Moses hits it a second time, and the ball lands in the hole. Has Jesus, the ball again falls into the ocean, but Jesus is on the water, as the surface of the earth, makes the second shot and falls into the hole. Has God in the ocean. There is a bulb eats fish, fish catches Seagull, a Seagull attacked a kite and carries it to the side of the hole. When the kite flies over the pit, thunder, lightning strikes the kite, Seagull fright he opens his mouth, and the ball lands in the hole.
Jesus:
Dad, throw your Jewish things and play by the rules.

***

The tour is done in heaven. See: an old Jew sits and knits socks.
— Who is it? they ask.
Is the blessed virgin Mary, respond to them.
They fit and with great respect start:
— You're so famous! You are the greatest woman in history! You gave birth to such a son! You realize that for all of us Jesus Christ...
Yes, Yes, I understand! But actually, my husband wanted a girl!

***

Jew comes to the Rabbi:
— Rabbi, I have a wife, children, mother-in-law... Well, just no place! What do I do?
— Bring in the dog house. Let her live with you.
But Rebbe, I have the same, and so no space!
— Bring in the dog house, I tell you!
A month later, the Jew comes again:
— The Rebbe was very bad, nowhere to go. The dog is always running around the house, screaming children...
— Bring home a goat.
But, Rabbi...
— Bring the goat, I tell you!
A month later:
— Rabbi! Goat shit in the house, all just groan, a nightmare!
— Bring a cow into the house.
But the Rabbi is too much!
— Bring a cow, I tell you!
A month later:
— Rabbi, I have always respected you, but your advice has been plaguing not. Save!
— Get a dog, a goat and a cow in the yard!
A day later he resorted Jew, overjoyed:
— Well, thank you, Rabbi. It became so good, so free!

***

— Rabbi, why do boys get circumcised?
— Well, firstly, it's beautiful.

***

Comes Rabinovich to the shtetl Rabbi:
— Rabbi, you can smoke on Saturday?
— Of course not!
— But my neighbor smokes a Helmet!
— So after all it and and no one asks!

***

The Jews asked the Rabbi, why is it necessary to always walk with his head covered.
Because in the nineteenth Chapter of the book "Exodus," in the fourteenth verse: "And Moses went down to the people..."
There not to say about the headdress!
— Do you think that Moses went to the people without piles?!

***

— The Rebbe, my son's constipation! What do I do? Advise the Rabbi.
Read him the Psalms.
In two weeks:
— The Rebbe, my son caught a cold. What should I do? How do I treat?
Read him the Psalms.
— Rabbi, did the Psalms is not a laxative?

***

Drought. To the Rabbi come and ask the Jews to make the rain come.
"No," the Rabbi tells them, — I will not be able to create a miracle, because in faith in the Lord.
— Why do you say, Rabbi?
— Because if you really believed, you would have come with umbrellas!

via factroom.ru