These words— the worst curse a parent

The worst thing for kids is one of the two parental curses:

"I'll kill you" and "You kill me".

Distance from neurosis to psychosis for these children is the amplitude of the forms of this message: from light manipulation to direct threats.
 

• "I'll kill you," the mom (or dad) can yell, beating the child and then the likely psychosis.
• "You good-for-nothing" — it is borderline state. "Other children are better than you" — neurosis.

• "You're killing me" — can speak to the parent, choking heart attack (which he himself broke up), and then this psychosis.
• "You made me suffer" — can broadcast mother indirect manipulation and bodily postures, and then it's the border guard.
• "You disappoint me" — neurosis.

These children, most worryingly, adopt these ways to manage relationships, and in some respects they will maintain this role, others have to play parent. Choice behavior due to the relationship. If a child falls into the role of dependent (subordinate or dependent on someone else's goodwill), he manifests himself as a child. And once in the role contravening, manifests itself exactly like a parent.

In this way, this person rejects the other.




 

It happens that one parent transmits to the child the child's role. And it happens that both broadcast a part of a child. For example, the mother manifests itself as a dependent, and dad — as centralising. Or both demonstrate contralesional and dependence interchangeably.

Therefore, some children, as adults, can do more to prove yourself as a dependent (as children) and others more like contrasenya. And those and other second side of the coin is manifested only in special circumstances (severe crisis).

But even having been in a different role, nothing changes. They are always at one end of a polar scale, occasionally visiting the other.

The question that usually these texts ask (what to do????!!!), answer aphorism Rollo may, the greatest psychotherapist, author of "the Meaning of anxiety":

The positive side of the "I" evolves, as people found with anxiety, moving through it and overcomes disturbing experiences. Also interesting: Pamela Druckerman: How to raise happy children without sacrificing personal life to Find out who in the family the Executioner and who the Victim

Yes, I forgot: children of these parents actions have such an impact because through these letters the children are building their identities: "I am the killer of your mom" or "I'm under threat of death."published

 

Author: Nina Rubstein

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: rubstein.livejournal.com/489342.html