"Changed her husband and again smart, beautiful and a good cook"
Step by step instructions:
Its purpose is not so much the achievement "oblivion" finished the relationship as clarifying the mechanics of the process of the emergence of the relationship and subsequent pain at parting. To understand why this is not possible — it is easy to part. Realizing the mechanics of how we "mixed up" and "get involved", we can see how this process reversed.
1. Body relationship.
When two people begin to live with each other
and livein each other
, between them begins to form energy third space, which was not to their relationship is "body relations". Body relations,
after it is formed, begins to exist in itself, although very dependent on the actions and thoughts of "parents" who created it.
This, imagine – the Egregor. Yes, it is the egregore, formed by two. The Bush that you have planted and grown, pouring his thoughts and actions. Themselves planted this Bush, "and we are responsible for what gave rise to..." and now, he needs you attention and is in itself wants to live. The egregore of the relationship wants to live. This is the body of relations.
When you broke up, egregor "body relations" won't cease to exist at the time. We know that the one who leaves and ends the relationship — it carries one-third breaking up, and those who are left — two thirds.
The one who left a victim of circumstances, and the one who left – the initiator of the breakup. The initiators, leaders, authors are more ready for the responsibility for your feelings (responsibility for your feelings in front of him).
Do not think that they have no pain for this reason. The pain is there. But the pain from the heaviness and "vampirists" body of the relationship
they have more than their end. That's why they are the initiators and of two evils chose the lesser to terminate the relationship. The one who left, of course, this does not want to see. His own pain darkens his eyes to the pain of others.What to do?
Stop trying to "water the Bush". Stop feeding your thoughts body relations,
and it, eventually, without makeup, as drawn, will melt in the energy space.
How to do it, if the advice to "not think about white monkey" and "forget about everything" not working?– you ask.
To think about a pink elephant or a spotted cat! -I will answer you
That is, the secret is to time to realize "Oh, I'm again starting to think about this...", and divert their attention to something more exciting. To change the subject.
To help yourself you can write a list as I can help myself quickly to stop the "water the Bush":
1. to call a friend ...
2. go to the social....
3. to read the article ...
That is, a suitable occupation in any business that requires my full attention (to wash the dishes – not suitable).
2. Fight fire with fire.
"New relationships kill the older" – this wisdom is as old as the world. Of course, you are unlikely of a very serious relationship for you will find yourself in just as serious and deep. But the point here is not the relationship, and in the impressions.
You need a new experience, which is able to displace the brightness of his old memories. New relationships, new contacts and new friends – you choose what you will do. To fornication nobody calls, but no one stops. Remember that.
It is good to understand and remember bright never deep. But now you evoke the emotion of healing. She pulls you from the depths outwards, pulls you from the pain to the surface. Where you are able to embrace himself, to collect himself again from the broken fragments into a single piece and understand who you are and where you want to move on.What to do?
To communicate with new and well forgotten old friends. To be able to go into a new relationship from the position of "nobody owes anybody anything". Knowing in advance that in the first place, that the mood is about "here and now". This healing course and the "nothing serious" — this formula can protect yourself from your own expectations and disappointments.
This approach is devoid of selfish consumerism interaction, to diagnose themselves and the world. This survey about "how people communicate now and how you see me?"
After all, you, for diving in a previous relationship, very long perceived themselves through the eyes of a previous partner. And this will agree, is one-sided. It's time to collect himself again, to update information about themselves through reflection in other new people.
New people is, first of all, fresh perception itself. Second, is a new energy, which is also important. After all, your body relationship
is already not "warm".3. To explore their gifts and their resentment
Do not rush to close this paragraph with "Oh, I realized he gave me lessons of pain and trials. Partner – ugh, wonderful!"
This view is not enough. This negative view, where you expose yourself in a good light and partner in bad. Play generosity. No, it's not working, as is the deception.
And deception always comes at a price. You pay what you can't in your head come out of a relationship, a life time goes, you will lose it. This is a very expensive price.
Here you need to explore the depth of his resentment. To find and see what this offense relies on. That is to find their "shortage".For example:
I wrote her love letters, and she told me no – it was little emotion.
I gave him "a whole" and he took it willingly and "gave nothing".
In General, there are many "I did so much" not balanced reciprocity. "I said to him so, and he's wrong" is the expectation
, it is the ground for your frustrations
Finding this specific point of waiting
where you grew up, your resentment, to revise it and see what the real people by your expectations a little involved. You came up with it – waiting
And even if you played along, and not immediately denied your claim, it is still not identical to your expectations. He could not see in your head (not translucent skull) in detail and detail, your project "the bright image of my partner", and therefore not held, not justified. After all, he had his plan for my life.
– You didn't expect? Oh, really? So insolent, did not appreciate his happiness to be with you. Yes, he could not appreciate.Well, this happens. Some "smart in hindsight".
This means thatoffended him nothing, and need to take offense for themselves.
Need to take offense at yourself, who invented/La this "bright image" and "the Paradise your future."
And if you can take offense at himself (always, please), and forgive yourself silly, too.
It turns out that no one to forgive but yourself, there's no need. Forgive yourself silly, naive expectations, claims, and it's not so hard. You need to "remove the crown" the all-knowing, far-sighted and all-powerful his Ego and prove to themselves the essential, real — compassion. Sympathize them as small, beloved child. Yeah, I can't know everything always, well, okay, and so, too, sometimes. And that's me too.To forgive another is difficult. Because to forgive another is impossible. To forgive another is glitch.
To forgive is possible only yourself. It is important to find for that: nonsense, for extravagance, for their openness, generosity, weakness, helplessness, etc.
And accept that that's me too. Yes, there I am. It is honest, and therefore, from this point you can move on. To draw conclusions, to start a new live.
Ceasing someone external to forgive you again turned to the future
. Otherwise, "life was not." So, trying to forgive the other, you've been turned to life back. And life love you back. And it was true, beautiful and symmetrical.4. To continue to love.
This paragraph may at first glance to contradict the first, but it's not. We're just making a circle, go to the next turn of the spiral, to a new level of understanding and love to life.
Here, it becomes important that we never stop loving our favorites, it's just that sometimes our relationships cease to be useful one of the two. So we parted.
Here, the "bottom line" remains bright and warm. "Yes, this man was in my life and he forever remains a page of my life – thanks to him and good fellow travelers."
Here, actually, we grew up. Taking everything that was already ready to change "hatred into love." Now, we love ourselves in relationships, your aspirations and low impulses, their purity and their selfish interest. Don't whitewash themselves, but not denigrating. Here we are ready to see the whole spectrum. Yes, this experience has made me developed.
Thanks to him, I better hear yourself. Since, constructively, to forgive, as it turned out, it yourself, that self which is able to another give love one of the signs of adult qualities – the ability to give.
Now the memories no pain, not "pins" in his calls and the approximation in space – was released. Let go as much as we efficiently passed the three previous points.
Some (not many) are intuitively the path, the path of understanding the meaning of relations. And come to the understanding not so much why
, how much, why
all this was and how it made me wider and richer for a lifetime.
Each of your failed men led you to Your OnlyDo you know how to accept gifts of fate
Long dwelling on "why?" "why is this all so?"
– not helpful. "Why" -
us deploys face in the past. And why
was it puts us face the future. You are where you want to live? That is something!What to do?
Grateful for what?
Thanks, at least for the fact that the person has invested some time of his life.
Spend your time on other is a priceless gift. It does not compare with any private refinement of what you/he specifically wanted from a relationship. It is helpful to realise that once.
Another value, Yes value will be.published
Author: Natalia Walicka