Don't push it. . . Bashny.Net

Don't push it. Your relationship before the crisis.

Don't push it. Your profession before you burn out.

Don't push it. Your life is so boring.

If you are really sensitive and sensitive, then you allow yourself to pay attention to the languages of your inner world. The language of the inner world is not about your reading or thoughts “about” – it concerns, first of all, your emotions and feelings “about”, those feelings that arise in us before the thought of “this”. Feelings “about” are the main beacon, which, as a harbinger of a storm, can give you a signal in time. Written by Natalia Valitskaya, especially for

For example, if you are constantly in a couple (partners, family members, relatives and friends), then, having “stranged” to each other, you may not notice the origin of the beginning of your desire to accuse your partner of your own discomfort, overlooking the personal causality of your own not “good”.





What does this rule mean – “don’t prove it”?

Feeling the eve of your uncomfortable state, do not rush to accuse your neighbor of it, even if it seems to you that it is all about him. You may not be well for your own reasons. But if you live not alone, but next to a loved one, even if he does not require special attention, then there may be a great temptation to unite him, his neighbor, in his discomfort.

Such a strategy is not a fact that will solve the problem, but can aggravate the relationship. If you are not ready to ask for direct advice or ask for help, then, believe me, blaming or whining is not the best strategy for resolving the situation.

So, if you are attentive, you will probably notice the verge of great irritation, which is about to fall on the one who is next to you - do not bring it. Let yourself be distant. It is great if you have the opportunity to retire, go away alone on a short trip, have a distraction with friends and friends, in general, create a situation of distance.

The most minimal act in this direction is to allow yourself to be silent all day, warning the partner in advance not to decide that this is an offended boycott. Or, you can lock yourself in your room, or in your bathroom, and take your time — your own inventory of your meanings and the integration of your feelings.

Couples who They can afford that luxury..personal spaceIn fact, they can continue their relationship indefinitely. After all, if they rest from each other, they can sincerely miss their partner and realize his value in their world over and over again. Always return to the starting point of a relationship. This “don’t drive” allows you to create a distance from which you can see the true value of your partner and your relationship with them.

Create distance, moving away, You will really be able to understand that those are some of the brewing claims to a loved one.They may very well turn out to be claims to themselves or, even more often, claims to their inability to convey to their neighbor the importance of having the right to personal territory, personal time – solitude in which you are entirely yourself.

Or, What might seem like a claim to a partner, from a distance can seem completely irrelevant and even funny. Instead of irritation at a loved one, you can suddenly find warmth and gratitude for him, although some time ago, you wanted to bring down your anger.

It is very useful to periodically move away from loved ones, no matter how dear they are to you, and to retire in silence, without crossing the fields, to hear yourself. Sometimes something as rough as condensed discomfort builds up inside us, like a toxic feeling of guilt, incompleteness, or initiation of something important.

Here, A sharp, thoughtless shedding of discontent on others, can really spoil relationships, poisoning the air in your common space. Relationships are created for pleasure, tranquility, and security—for a state of grace opposite to that of war. Therefore, spilling bitterness, your own discontent in a personal relationship is spoiling the air inside your couple.

So what do we do?

If you can distance yourself by creating a physical distance between you, then you have a chance of not bringing the incident into conflict. And you don't have to create alienation, which is psychological distance.Alienation is when two people are not ready to hear each other and are physically close to each other. Sometimes they just yell, try, shout to their neighbor, their souls are actually so far apart that they want to be heard, they raise their voices. Still better. Don't tell me? Don't drive, to escape from creating an acute situation in a reality that is valuable to you.

Another thing is, if your relationship goes through a stage of questionable value, then the conflict will be healing. The conflict will either kill something that has already become obsolete, destroy the relationship, freeing its participants, or very clarify their needs for each other and bring the relationship to a new level of depth.

If you have a relationship of doubtful value – boldly conflict, there will be “either – pan, or – disappeared”, with any result, this process will make you more alive. The Indians say: “If you see yourself riding a dead horse, get down.”

If your relationship is alive and valuable to you, retire by practicing the rule. - Don't do it!

What is it like to leave on time?

This may include, for example, professional activities. In order not to cause burnout, it is very important to balance your work with some hobby, so that you have time in the day, time in the week for your pleasures, completely opposite to your activities.

For example, if you are an accountant, then a dance circle will be very useful, it will balance you, and will not bring you to burnout as a professional in your work, which requires careful diligence.

Conversely, if you have a very creative, creative job that forces you to brainstorm and generate ideas, then the polarity for you is, of course, the personal field of heart relationships, headless states, and good sex. In this field, you can, without thinking, in each other’s arms, return to the sensation of the body, thus unloading your head, so that then fresh creative ideas come into it – empty.

Don't tell me. This also applies to cases of deep boredom in your relationship. Here, you. The practice of not doing anything will come to the aid. Week-doing – I call everything new that you have not done in your life.

How do you do "not-doing"?

To practice not-doing is to start bringing new things into your life. The simplest. non-doingIt begins with a wardrobe, hair color, rearrangement of furniture. Next in difficulty is visiting new club territories, countries, interest groups, making new friends.

This is about changing a certain habitual paradigm or being able to safely afford what you have dreamed of all your life. When you have a stretch area like conscious non-doing is called psychological extreme with access to new territories of a vital resource.

So, through new decisions, new actions are introduced into your life, which you previously did not allow yourself, for various reasons.. The practice of not doing leads to the acquisition of new qualities And a fresh look at your entire landscape.

Let’s say you can love a color that’s usually absent from your wardrobe and allow yourself to enjoy it. Or you can watch a movie, a genre that you would never have thought of before, as worthy of your attention. Read books on topics that are not your reality at all, or start painting pictures, start dancing, martial arts, mountaineering, diving, and for some even cooking can be a practice of not-doing, opening up new facets of your own personality - the face of a gourmet who has not yet lived in your body.

That is, at your choice, on your scale there is always something new, which, if it comes into your life, you are very much updated. Here are some examples: people rearrange furniture, or even twist switches in the space of their territory, so that there is no automaticity to be constantly aware, constantly present and attentive. They create conditions for their own vigilance.

What does that do?

In the new conditions, vigilance is awakened without force, and We are excited to live again, and we have a lot of strength again.Because if you have attention in your life, you become enormously resourceful. And this colossal resource becomes the place from which fire is extracted for all your undertakings.

Fire is both for love and for relationships, for the birth and upbringing of children, in order to continue the work of your life, or to help people you like in their projects, contribute, educate and share. In all these cases, you need to invest your soul. How can we invest it when we are not burning? Only when we are burning, when we are not indifferent, when we are awakened by the new, do we touch our soul.

When we do not burn, everything that requires our living energy dies. Become yourself Prometheus, responsible for your inner fire. Provide conditions for new impulses and actions. A person changes only a new action that incites his interest in himself. life in its multivariate variety.

If we get our renewal of life from novelty, from the opportunity to move away from the usual by opening up to the new, then we do not bring ourselves to burnout.Before burnout in personal or professional relationships, at points of age-related life crises.

In this case, we are anticipating the arrival of new things, and we are ourselves a doctor who, bringing novelty into his life, rids himself of a pile of unbeginning problems, including health problems, mental problems that can easily be avoided by awakening his own vigilance savoring the reality in which you are new! After all, everything new forcelessly includes in us an increased presence, an increased attention, namely: Attention is the key to charisma, success and a healthy resource state.

That's why you don't!

Be attentive to your feelings, and on the eve of a crisis, give yourself the opportunity to move away from the usual, creating distance. From a distance, always, the great and the genuine feel sharper and appear clearer. Everything valuable becomes even more valuable, and everything superficial becomes obviously irrelevant or obsolete.

If the relationship has outlived itself or the activity has ceased to bring joy, staying in it is a crime against your soul. Whether to let go of a partner, change a job, or radically update it all becomes clear only from a distance. The big one can be seen from a distance: neither a large building nor a large beast can be seen up close, with your nose stuck in "this" - not to cover it whole. So give yourself a distance. Distance in time and space, often not large, but sufficient, which will pull everything into place.

Giving yourself such a breather, you will get the strength to change your life. Giving yourself this right – and you will have energy again, renewed, enter into relationships, continue to build and build. develop yourself by giving life to what is truly valuable and essential to you.



Author Natalia Valitskaya, especially for



P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!

Source: valitskaya.com/wp/