September is the time of weddings and the start of the new academic year. And for parents – it's time to let go of grown children from home to University or to own a young family. Many do it with a sense of sadness, loss and emptiness. They do not need their child to the extent and in the capacity as before. What remains?
Normal and disturbing reaction to Feel some sadness and emptiness – it is natural for parents. The child is always present somewhere nearby, required the participation and caring, distressed and delighted parents, filling this part of their life. In fact, it is normal from time to time to cry or sit in the empty nursery to feel closer to your child. Don't be ashamed of your feelings! They are familiar to most parents. However, if You experience any of the following symptoms for longer than two weeks, You should seek professional help:
- You believe that Your useful life has ended.
- You continually cry.
- You are so sad that You refuse to go to work or chat with friends.
It seems that the "departure" of Your "chick" has provoked a depressed reaction that it is imperative to work out. Discuss Your problems with a specialist – most likely, a few sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy will help You to get rid of You overwhelming emotions and to gain a sense of perspective. During this period You will need the support of family and friends – especially if they had to go through "empty nest syndrome" at some point in their lives.
Stay in touch nowadays is easier than ever to communicate with children who have left home. Mobile phones, Skype, WhatsApp, Viber, e-mail – You have a huge number of opportunities to stay connected! Some families use social networking sites, such as Facebook, Vkontakte. However, according to statistics, more than 70% of young people aged 18 to 25 years consciously decided not to be "friends" with parents on social networks. And who can blame them? You are not a friend, You – the parent. Most children prefer to communicate through text messages (SMS & messages, messengers), because it is quick, convenient and does not allow parents to 'hover'. Not only is it difficult for You. Children are too easy – they also feel homesick and miss You and still have to adapt to a new team and new environment – they have a lot of their tasks! Is it fair to burden them more and Your mental state? The duties of parents is to prepare children for independent life and facilitate the separation, not Vice versa. Because of the phrase "I miss you" is enough. Throw your sorrows to a partner, friend or therapist, but not to the child. Help him to cope with the situation and enjoy new friends, interesting classes and the first achievements.
Your new life Should be, You have gathered a huge mental list of things You've always wanted to do but still had time for this. That came the hour to be pampered! Get Your "wish list" – and more! You might want to sing in the choir or learn Italian, to go for a month at the cottage of a friend or register for a Dating website to meet interesting man – now You can afford it. In fact, as the daily pleasures such as prolonged lying in a fragrant foam bath. You have still a half of life – frankly, not the worst! If You are single, it is probably a good time to expand your circle of friends. But if You are in a long term relationship, empty nest syndrome could trigger negative thoughts about Your novel and even a sense of despair. What happens if You discover that without the constant presence of the children your relationship is superfluous and meaningless? After receipt of the youngest son in University, my friends – a married couple decided to arrange a "celebration of life". They went on a journey to exotic places in Asia and found that they have very different opinions on how to spend time. She wanted to visit the ancient Anchor, and he preferred to read, sipping gin in the sun loungers by the pool. The evening was no better. They sat opposite each other at an exquisite table with candles and could not think of anything that could be discussed. By the end of the "celebration of life", the couple decided to divorce. Unfortunately, often the children leaving home bare the flaws in Your relationship. Can you save them? Only if you both have common sense and a desire to continue to be together. Do not take hasty decisions. Realize that you are in a state of crisis, out of which we must together. Remember that you had many years ago. Think how much you mean to each other as individuals, two separate people, despite how many years you execute the parent function. Amazingly, when, having passed a difficult stage of "letting go" of children, the pair rediscover each other and begins a happier, more friendly and sexual phase.
New work This period can also be a time for fresh beginnings, in terms of activities. It's time for a new start: if before devoting himself to children, You have chosen low-paying job part-time, You may wish to consider further education or vocational training. Or you can enjoy unbridled ambitions and start their own business. A new challenge This is a difficult time for You. Nothing will ever be the same again. But the fact that it's different, doesn't mean it's worse. Many parents use the second half of your life is very fruitful, and, in the end, doing things they never would dare to dream, while their kids were home. In 2010, the British sociologists conducted a survey of 2,000 parents whose children have recently left home. Scientists have discovered that the majority of moms and dads:
- feel 10 years younger,
- earned more on average 600 £ per month,
- increased the number of its friends and time spent with them
- had new Hobbies,
- believed that their personal relationships improved.
Thus, even if you feel quite sad reading this article, why not be inspired from the fact that in the near future you will almost certainly feel happier than ever before.