Imagine having access to the real world, you make miles of sausage, cutlets, cakes, cheeses and sandwiches, and you poke move LAZ out, hoping to break free. But at some point, give up and think that maybe, in fact, the world can be discerned through food. Food multi-function: bring comfort and joy, a sense of celebration and a sense of security. She is one of the ways of procrastination: entertains, distracts, fills the content in the literal and figurative sense. The content is safe, sosisochki, which do not penetrate complex issues and internal conflicts. Helps control home. Is the expression of caring, love replaces.
Fifty million seven hundred sixty four thousand one hundred thirty seven
And the fat? That fat... it is possible to get caught up, to choke, to relax, in a soft cloud. Through it all seems like a fog. He is a refuge, protection. And at the same time, he is a cipher, the code to what is happening with the person. Psychologists would say symptom. He says something, and if you carefully listen, you can discern tragic history, specific reasons why people would not want to part with it.
History 1. About the big belly and family loyalty
The cake calls her husband. It was quite satisfied with her 120 pounds. If deep down he wants her to lose weight, then do not admit it even to herself, as he loves his wife and decided once and for all that she is beautiful.
She was a beauty. Even the titled. In his youth, Larissa participated in some regional beauty pageant, she kept photos of her in a swimsuit and crown. Fans, this and that. 50 pounds, by the way.
Lark — so she was then called — came in the theater. In the end, she graduated from the philological. Normal stormy youth, the normal unrequited love, abortion, suicide, single room in half with a friend in the capital. Poverty.
Why, her husband is saved. Proved to be the true Prince: decent, kind, provided, the child wanted — gave birth to one second. Children loves. It would have been in a literal sense. If not 120 pounds.
Cake — cozy, homey, with dimples and a huge belly. She smells like cookies and vanilla. Because she often bakes. This can't, say, fall in love with a family friend. She is this family, the mother of the family.
Another thing, if it were another body. Those are the easiest 50 pounds any stray gust of wind will blow and twist in the passions and misfortunes. "Oh, Lara, daring you, will pay", said her mother. And a family friend — he is, as she likes it: with intelligent eyes and a slightly crooked mouth. When she drinks, reading, rocking, Brodsky. Fourth time divorced.
What says the psychologist
— Lose weight for Larissa is to encounter an other, the crazy and daring, which her mother said. The splitting between such polarities as the hostess of hearth and passionate woman, too. In family life she was unable to integrate his sensuous nature, from which there were problems: too much danger of losing your head and husband.
And more. This can lead to the discovery that she really loves her husband. Values — Yes. Grateful to him Yes. But rather agrees to live with him. This discovery may destroy a reliable, comfortable and good life, which is built Larissa, to lead to internal conflict, conflict of values: to burn from love, simultaneously destroying the lives of their loved ones, or to save the expense of freedom-loving, adventurous, passionate part of ourselves.
A very important aspect to consider when working with overweight and overeating, is a "secondary benefit". In fact, the answer to the question: "why do I need weight? What do I get?"A secondary benefit is on the surface and is often rejected by its owner. It keeps the changes, as is the case with Larissa. Her benefit is that she gets a stable and a strong marriage, the sense of their importance.
But one-sided to see only obesity and how it affects the family. Experience Larissa enriches it, this is happening for many years. She already knows how to be faithful and caring, she's been like this for many years, and she likes it. But fear of infidelity suggests that she hasn't usurped the role of the faithful wife. When there is an assignment of a new identity, it automatically becomes a resource to be drawn upon again becoming a passionate woman, capable of flirting, but knowing what the limits are.
"I'm the one who can destroy your life in love. I'm not sure I can be faithful to your husband, but I have to be faithful to the mother of the family, even at this price".
Non-integrated polarity, secondary benefit.
To marry — how to cross the Rubicon. After starting a different life and a different personality. Unattractive wife — unlike girls — sewn into our culture. A married woman is a complete non-sexual caring aunt, a nurse, in a word. She's already gone. And bearing fruit.
Men in the majority condone this — it is easier to maintain their monopoly on this woman, no it will not covet. Not only the ring on his finger — the very razdobrevshaya body indicates its family affiliation. And the husband, respectively, in relation to itself below the strap, and tranquility more: everything has been conquered, once and for all.
Story 2. The fear of death and the burgers
Lena, a student of the literary Institute, likes poetry, and loves his body. Inconvenient, troublesome, it is necessary everywhere around, to keep clean. It wants something to eat, then sleep, it's late. Hurts periodically. Limits in the truest sense of the word.
Some body is lucky — they have a sporty and lightweight by nature. Not that Lena: each Patty directly on the waist. Anyway, what's the size if we are talking about the image of the hero and the context of the era? Not that she didn't want to lose weight. But think specifically what is and what is not, in that moment, when we are talking about in terms of metaphors and a leitmotif of the last text seemed to her blasphemous.
On the other hand, food was always the harbour, where you could hide and not feel. Chew — and don't feel. Lena always felt sorry when the meal ended. This meant that the need to get back to the real world. With all its limitations, uncomfortable with this mortal body. Clothing size was varied every two months.
When the scales reached the level of 85, Lena learned to look at myself in the mirror only at a certain angle, not to get in the frame, not to notice your photos. And only in the bathroom there was nowhere to hide from their own forms.
A paradox: having swollen, great body, she tried to ignore it. Ignore all of his requests, as if it never existed at all, this hateful rasplavilsya contour of the fat and skin. If you can live separately from him, doing only the power of thought. Nakormil themselves senseless.
What says the psychologist
— Relations with the body are very complex. It happens when it brings more trouble than joy... Attitude is composed of many aspects: opportunities and constraints, perfection and imperfection, of sexual identity, of belonging to something (sex, race, family) and not wanting to belong to anything, sexuality and, of course, of the transience of life and death as facts to support this short-termism.
Overeating allows you not to feel anxiety, despair, fear of life, and therefore death, to stifle these feelings. The body spreads, and begin to "avoid". But if there's no body, if it can be ignored, and will not die. The paradox is that its large dimensions the body treacherously reminds himself, just screams: "I am, I exist, notice me!»
The appropriation of corporeality — the only way to solve these difficulties.
"Even if the body is not so important, you can't not notice it. You are beyond physicality? I'll give it to you. Immortal bodies do not exist, the excess weight will remind you of mortality."
The alienation of his physicality, the fear of death, anxiety of uncertainty.
Intellectuals often concentrate on internal and not external. Sometimes in exaggerated form, in the form of denial of all "earthly and petty-bourgeois".
"I'm over it" can mean: "I am a celestial, read Kafka, and obesity does not concern me, because I — about the meaning of life, and not about the hips". To follow him, to notice his body is almost shameful: it is a lot of "blondes", not intelligent people.
Story 3. On the large son, and beloved mother
Chair ordering a gift on birthday. Leonid at some point ceased to fit in a normal office, which stood in front of the computer. 220 pounds is no joke.
Lenny never had a girlfriend, the last time he was in love with in the first year, but his wife already had a boyfriend. Fatty — that was his name in the yard. It is poorly ran, choked, and no one wanted to be with him in the same team in gym class. With his great clumsy body, he always was out of place. Didn't fit in. Only with my mom and two cats to feel free. And with time almost ceased to go out: he worked through the Internet, communicating via Facebook.
A couple of times — a hundred pounds ago — Lenya tried to get a job and rent an apartment. Mom was done poorly: the heart. She helplessly lay on the couch and asked "not to think about it, because he needs to live his life, it is the law of nature." Lenya hated my mother, myself, and the laws of nature. Bought bucket of wings "Rostiks" and immersed in Facebook.
Mom didn't like wings, 200 pounds and the fact that Leon is sitting at home, instead of becoming a successful businessman and her pride. She found some diet, sculpted patties of cabbage, bought bran. She cared so much about his weight loss like to lose weight myself. But Leon fluff on dietary cutlets and didn't understand what mom is angry, because he did everything she wanted. Until one day I woke up with a clear decision to change everything.
The weight was too great, and Leonid went to the clinic to professional psychologists and nutritionists. For 2 years, dropped 100 pounds. And for the first time flew by plane. Corny — fit in the chair. True, to normal size to bring your body until you can: gain twenty pounds, I'll drop them. And the mother is better, she's sick again.
Mom, by the way, the power system knows everything to the smallest detail and fully ensures its observance. It still performs its main function of the maternal — feeding.
What says the psychologist
— Co-dependency has become one of the scourges of our time. Leonid is an addiction to food. Or rather, from my mom, simply she is expressed through food. And the mother involved in the fight against this addiction from food, thus strengthening the dependence of the son from her. She does so much for him, but the tragedy is that he no longer needs it.
He's a grown man who needs to distance himself from her to start an independent life. Prerequisite there must be aggression. Healthy normal aggression, not destructive, and needed to make a start.
Mom manipulates son, causing him some guilt, gratitude that he remain under her influence, filling her life with meaning. Who feeds the controls. Although mind she realizes that it is time for him to grow up and live your life.
For Leonid it is a way not to take responsibility for their own loneliness, not to deal with the anxiety about possible rejection by women. He has already made a step in the direction of separation from his mother began to lose weight. But the fear to approach other people, especially women, makes him again to gain weight and take cover next to mother.
Interestingly, the obesity is just a message to her mother: "I will not obey you and will not weight." If this were spoken aloud, the changes would have affected this family. In us lives the desire for stability (stagnation and conservation) and development (change), this mechanism is the basis of neurosis associated with obesity. Really want a new life and so scared to lose what we have. There is no certainty that, having gone into another life, you can return and mom will understand and will be glad of his endeavors, and will not be condemned.
The resource lies on the surface is the ability to stay long in a relationship. Different. And not to run away at the first opportunity. This is the resource that will help Leonid to build a relationship with a woman.
"I want to go, to grow up and live your life, but I'm afraid to hurt you, and even more afraid that you won't take me back when I need it".
Codependent relationship with her mother, infantilism, regression, lack of socialization during adolescence.
We don't know what to do with our children. They are too much different from us, we are too busy, the world is changing too fast. Before one of the forms of communication have been training (including professional): father Smith — the son of a journeyman seamstress mother — daughter is doing the first stitches. But in the modern world, a teenager is more competent in technical and professional sense, than its "backward" parent.
What to do? How to take care of it? How to maintain and preserve the credibility, to be a mother (father)? The most obvious and eternal feeding.
The second aspect: our parents raised us in a deficit, and at the time of his childhood and all have experienced real hunger. So to feed, even when food swardeston is to protect and save. Interestingly, even in the most intelligent and advanced families to communicate with the child including going to McDonald's.