The usual balance in the relationship of parent and child is a Caring adult on the one hand and accepting care of the child on the other. A caring adult is the alpha, the one who makes the major decisions, is responsible and cares for the weaker partner.
Sometimes parents begin to suspect that in their particular situation the balance of the other. It seems that everything goes wrong and like a child playing a leading role in the relationship. Adult begins to worry: here the child too much demanded, then he climbs in his cause, then wait. The parent becomes uncomfortable to manage the child does not work, and the benevolence and tolerance, a responsible adult child is taking for weakness and tries to push all boundaries.
It seems that the roles in these relationships are reversed and the child took the position of alpha, stuck in alpha and shouldered the entire responsibility for the relationship. Dr. Neufeld calls this term "alpha-complex".
Paired parent-child such a burden unnatural for a child and too heavy, too heavy.
Therefore, when the first signs that the child dominates the parents are trying to understand, don't get stuck if the baby is in alpha towards others, if he is resting enough and accepting parental care? Temporary manifestations of self-will, command-tone, or the desire to climb everywhere with their opinions sometimes happen with all children. Child can care to be helpful, but he doesn't have to be stuck in this state.
There are several characteristics which can determine the stuck in alpha child. The child, who bears the burden and can no longer switch back in a situation of dependence, to trust parents and to feel safe in a relationship with them. He will manifest these signs and equal with familiar children.
If a child behaves in a dominant, trying to control every step does not subordinate his friends in the yard, children, brothers, and even adults, on which it depends at the moment – parents or educators – it is stuck in alpha. The main condition here is that he can't switch in a dependent position email in communicating with their peers or as adults.
For example, he tries to speak and impose their opinion on topics not related. It's not just a moment when he was overwhelmed with ideas or it is inspired by a sudden creative idea. In this case, it is understandable it would be to resist the impulse to change the world and begin to broadcast the right and left. However, the child does it out of insecurity, trying to assume control over the events that are happening.
The child tries to attract the attention of everyone, to be and to be constantly in the center of events, to recruit the audience to be noticed by peers or those on whom he must depend. Can demonstrate superiority over others and tease other children.
He will snap and adults, trying each time to have the last word.
Often stuck in alpha children communicate from the position of an omniscient person. They pretend that they know everything and know how things work. It is important for them to be confident and knowledgeable all, it gives them a sense of security.
Such a child is always ready to be in charge, to make decisions and to take responsibility where this is not provided and not necessary. He will dictate what the others do. The point is that he is trying to make a decision soon in order to make a decision. He deprives others of this right or like you don't trust the decisions of the parents can not relax and accept their choice, even if he considers his interests.
Because the child is home, he is given the role of master. He wouldn't go on a walk with the parents, but rather he will choose a direction to escape. He does not obey parents and can't bring himself to ask for help. Even in the midst of some difficulties, it will appeal to parents, and will solve the problem itself. Perhaps he feels giperatidnosti and is afraid to disappoint the parents the bad news, cares about the emotional balance of their "weak" parents, sparing them. Caring is part of the “alpha instinct”. The most common problems a child is able to be addressed through aggressive interactions. Increases the level of anxiety. The baby seems to be uncontrollable and aggressive. Although parents initially considered this behavior as desired, tried to teach a child to "be independent" and was very even for the fact that he bore responsibility. However, such stuck in the position of leading, there are lots of negative consequences, including for the development of the child's ability to cope with difficult situations without aggression.
The child refuses to take care, for it is too vulnerable. Take the food prepared for him, – it also means to take care, to be in a subordinate position, and the child cannot fail over in a dependent position. From here the problem starts with the food, the child refuses to eat what he is given, selects and naughty. The paradox of this behavior is that the child will require care: to invite to drink, eat, dress him, and then the tantrums to reject it. published
Author: Valentina Accurev