Children life in debt Bashny.Net

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Once on the radio I was listening to a discussion on "what would you like to protect their children." Sounded the theme of drug addiction, alcoholism, television, computer games and other things. I was driving in the car and thought that I want to protect their children from a life in debt. I mean, from life under the slogan "I have". We've in society as the baby is still born, and it has to present a list for life: I have to sleep at mode, is what you should eat and when you need, to be emptied on schedule, to respect your elders, be diligent and studious to be interested in what the adults consider it necessary, and so on and so forth... At that time I went to visit and was upset maniacal desire of the mother to push her child into the framework of standards, which on closer examination turned out to be so controversial that the child was in very newparam. And I realized that to remove the anxiety of the child can only change my mom's opinion on it. How can you not worry if you're wrong, some not so and at any time mom can change his mind and cease to care for you. Fear of being poor and rejected the second after fear of death.

How to change the view of the child, not changing the look for yourself? And here I thought that in debt put their children parents who do it sit on the ears and make yourself a list of what "should a real parent." Although a parent is only one hypostasis of the personality. A similar motivation can be seen in different areas of their life. And I began sincerely to sympathize with such people, as the sense of duty always goes along with a tremendous sense of guilt for failing the ideal, a fear to stumble and make a mistake, and with great disappointment and resentment when not living my life and not getting decent rewards, and evaluation. This is a constant area of anxiety and suffering. I still remember well how this was chosen.

This is a typical image of the victim – a man, cut off from their needs in favor of the ephemeral ideal of "supposed to be like that." When a person does what he wants, it always brings the energy, even at the idea stage, and he gives something to the world, because he has a lot and he don't need so many. And it is disinterested. When a person goes out of the picture "must", he gives what he wants (your desires and your comfort) in debt to another. And always take three skins from the debtor.

Sacrifice is not some kind of phlegmatic person, always nagging about life. No. The victims most often very energetic. They have the meaning of life is to live for someone or something. And in "the end of the tunnel" is worth the reward – the image of an ideal future. From this great idea Victims find the energy. And if something or someone this great idea of danger, that something or someone becomes the enemy, and the Victim becomes very belligerent, pounding sticks all the rebellious in her perfect world.

Take the time to read as described me the picture of someone from the environment. "The greatest enemy hides where you least going to look for him" © each of us is a Victim. Someone more, someone less. In our society this is a very sweet way. This is correct, such a simple, fitted from birth. If you don't sacrifice their comfort and desires — you are selfish. And selfish to be "bad", it is condemned. So — do what you gotta do, and all you will. Ideals are painted in each direction – perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect daughter...

By the way, about the "perfect daughter". The seminar "why we cling to our mothers" I saw how hard it turns thinking in partnership with her mother. The usual setting is "mother needs", where the mother as a living person does not exist. The partnership is not in the sense of "equal" and not in the sense of "we are friends against someone", but in the sense of "from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs". Yes, the idea of communism in each individual family.

The fact that the partnership model is laid in early childhood. The same dependence, which might be comfortable, and then all participants try this symbiosis to strengthen and develop, and can be uncomfortable, and then people start subconsciously this symbiosis to break down. I write and speak about this a lot. Comfortable addiction is when the individual needs of each member covered. Accordingly, uncomfortable – when you are chronically not covered. But the Victim, she just lives that pushes their needs for the sake of something and someone, and it feels big, important, and most importantly, "good" and "right". She's doing it. You know? Circumstances is its justification.

Our mother is a glaring example. They sacrificed their lives, driving themselves into debt, although this one didn't ask, and now are blamed for the unlived life. And above seminar, I saw refuses our inner child to see his mother living in the sense of duty, of a living person. We act as net consumers. That, in principle, is not surprising. The mother, sitting in thought "should", put their children in this way of thinking. And we adopt this model of motherhood, realizing it on their own children. Entering your motherhood, we think that it is now also a "must".

I, like a parrot, talking about look at the child as a partner who is very keen that his mother was fine. The love of a mother written to us genetically. Well, not love, but attachment sure. Moreover, the child wants everybody to live in peace and harmony. He is ready to integrate into adult life, if it is, this life, is. But it's like talking to the wall when the woman is the separation – or life for the baby, and then she "should" (followed by long list), or life according to their needs. And it's not compatible. Not taught us that. The child is perceived as a pure consumer, who only demands and takes and gives nothing in return. No wonder we are so tired with the kids. But a child-partner — it is beyond fiction. This is especially difficult to show mothers with babies.

With babies adopted or sacrifice or "butt" — who. Working in partnership master-slave, built on complete trust. Lead is led is. And the baby wants to follow mom, if its needs and peculiarities are taken into account. Butting with the baby occurs when the mother sees the child as a partner and starts to think of debt: "I should" and "you should".

You know, when I'm at seminars in the analysis of what a "supportive environment", ask the question: "Count how many you have such people near you?", nine out of ten do not include their children in "their". Why? Yes, because children are not enabled in our thinking. Children is a great sacrifice. Mother needs! And then we wonder that in adolescence they do not see us as people from the area of their care that need support. They don't realize that we're tired, upset, wrong, that we are weak and vulnerable. We need sometimes to make tea. They have a partnership in the bundle master / slave built on the principle that the Victim who "should", a kind of biorobot that all the time "makes the bill" and which to resist, and the slave – consumer, you little despot, pulling the blanket over himself. Then we wonder why we and our children do not want to grow up? Who wants to be in a "partnership" is the guiding.

So, going back to the beginning... I would really want to protect children from debt. I want them to congratulate me in old age birthday because they liked to please me, not because they have to do it. I want them to communicate with those with whom they want to communicate, and doing that brings them not only money, but joy. I want their wives received flowers because they would like to take care of them, not because wives are supposed to give flowers on holidays. And most importantly, I want every moment of their lives they realized that doing all this not for the sake of someone or something, but for yourself. Because that's what you want. Freedom of the will. And then their life will be filled so that they do not have to fill the void inside with alcohol, drugs and other fillers illusory life. And it needs to live. How else will I be able to teach them this? published

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