French proverb: Betray only their
One of the most traumatic experiences — the pain of betrayal. Such an event may radically change your life – the person ceases to trust closes. Betrayal often think of an affair, but it may be the abandonment and not the fulfillment of earlier obligations.
Surely you in his life will find not a single case of treachery or meanness. If you are reading this article, then perhaps your heart is now torn from the unbearable pain...And the reason for the pain is not that betrayed you, and that you1. Shifted to another person of THEIR responsibility:
"let him take care of my welfare and safety." For example, once married, a woman leaves work "for" her husband and children. It takes 20 years, children grown, her husband changed "one in a 40 for two 20". The woman was left alone at "the broken trough". Who is to blame? Husband is a scoundrel? Imagine – no, woman! Because she refused to implement their goals, independent decision tasks of life, almost betrayed himself. Whether it is convenient for her to give up her husband from the reins of his own life or she succumbed to his persuasion doesn't matter.
Or the man doesn't care about saving the relationship, their depth and interpersonal closeness. "The salary I brought home? What do you want? With fat rage!" At some point, the woman gets tired of the "game in one gate", and starts a relationship with a man for whom she is the QUEEN! Who is to blame? The woman is the cheater? No, the man decided that she should and must perform its functions wife – multifunctional household system. And the woman is "also a man", which has its own desires and needs...2. You had expectations and assumptions.
Women often think like this: "I will marry a strong and generous and will be loved and happy." That is, it ASSUMES and EXPECTS the other person a certain behavior. And when it is found in the life of someone, gives it in his imagination the desired features, ascribes them to him, fascinated and... falls in love! Time passes, and deeds of the beloved are contrary to expectations. The girl is disappointed and for some reason decides that his beloved had deceived her. He probably didn't cheat (unless, of course, he's not marriage swindler), he was himself. And actually, she never loved, she was in love with their illusions. And the reality of the man was not ready. And so it goes on through life, going through partners and each time making sure that no "real" men." And people are just real and not fictional.3.You forget that the other person is another!
You have merged with him together and began to equate it with him. Therefore, any behavior that deviates from yours, feels like alien. "How could he do that, because I don't do that!" "It was jinxed, hexed..." Emotional pain at this point hell! After all, if you go with a person on the road of life, hand in hand, if to unstick my palm – may be a burn, but not fatal. Maybe more, maybe more, and heal. And it is possible to look for a life partner. But if merged? It feels like you alive and rip it. Such a wound is not healing life. To be in a new relationship impossible. Where, among strangers to find a new skin?4.Have you ever thought that EACH person enters into a relationship to meet THEIR needs.
That way, not yours, and his. And your he meets, if you ask him about it and he has the ability and the desire to satisfy them. Of course, the manipulation you can force someone to do something for you against his will and beyond his scope. But the relationship wouldn't be...
And you are in a relationship take to meet their needs no matter how altruistic you were not covered. By donating, you hoped to receive love or recognition of your achievements and exploits. Only subservience, sacrifice and rescue ALWAYS lead to the destruction of relationships.
Very often among spouses it is possible to hear the following dialogue:
-I gave you the best years of his life, youth, beauty... And you!!!
— Who asked you? – asked the man. He's really confused. He didn't ask. He married because he wanted to see the next beautiful woman. And the fact that you decided to sacrifice their lives and interests – your personal right, not his desire.5. You interpret a person as despicable.
Why did you decide that human behavior is directly related to you? I assure you, it's about you at this moment not thinking! He thinks ABOUT THEMSELVES — about their problems, act in their own interests. He had no intention to hurt or betray. A person makes a decision the most beneficial.6. You don't know what marriage or relationship.
By definition, marriage is the VOLUNTARY Union of two INDEPENDENT and CAPABLE people (that is, able to live without a partner, and guardianship), VOLUNTARILY assumed obligations. Therefore, once the relationship and the obligations are voluntary, the person is FREE at ANY time from the relationship to go and obligations to fulfill, whether it or not, expect it or not. And you need to be at this point a viable human being. After all, if you are not competent or independent, then you don't need a partner, and the person exercising custody. So often, "all mixed up", looking for a surrogate mom or dad, and take in a marriage or love relationship... what does "scoundrel" and "traitor"?
I, considering myself an adult, responsible for his life and respect the right of another person to act in their interests. Therefore, it is impossible for me to betray or to do me a meanness. And what you want. published
Author: Maria Kudryavtseva
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
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