You probably noticed that the description of people emotions from communicating often similar to the description touches on some subjects.
"She's easy" "it's too difficult", "this is a very tough friend", "she's so dry, "he too soft", etc.
There is nothing strange, emotional man is based on physical sensations, including tactile. And physical characteristics remain fairly accurate descriptions of emotions. When people like touching each other with their fields and feel these touches.
One of the main characteristics of disadvantage in relationships imbalance (remember, this is when one another is much stronger) is its stickiness. Time to notice its stickiness, to reduce it is to prevent the growth of their minus.
I hope playing yesterday in imbalance, you drew attention to emotions, appearing in the role of a plus and a minus, and after reading this post, you will be able to share thoughts about it.And I'll tell you how it appears =
In short, = appears due to the difference of the imaginary and the real relationship plus field minus. In the imagination of the minus plus is much more: it's open, he communicates, he reaches forward. But in reality, the advantage of this proximity with this person uncomfortable: he closes, he directs his attention to other areas, he is suspended. When dealing with an imaginary plus minus and then breaks the borders of a real person, completely not noticing, or noticing but interpreting differently. His own desire minus takes for reality, and the deeper the imbalance, the stronger the stress, and therefore the greater the need for illusions.
As a result of this distorted interaction plus begins to feel the stickiness of disadvantage. Minus clings, hangs, glued, in General stick. It is worth close to minus, he again is drawn as a burdock or a nail to a magnet. It goes without saying that minus notice something else: it attracts, seduces him, his provoke and entice.
If the imbalance had stable dynamics, it would not exist long. Plus'd be so bored = minus, this = all the time would grow, and soon plus saw before him the hungry aggressor who is trying to bite off a piece from the cake. With outright aggressors people are not sentimental. From fear, from anger, but they defend their territory as they can. Do not defend people when they can not identify the aggressor in front of them or a friend. Due to the fact that the dynamics of the imbalance is not stable and wobbles here and there, plus sometimes driven mad conflicting emotions of not less than a minus.
Change happens every time plus expressing aggression. Spilling and pushed the minus, it returns him to reality. Minus a short time begins to see that plus refers to it negatively, it is his image finally coincides with the real. He is offended. And plus, on the contrary, from a sense of guilt for their aggression and resentment minus imbued with compassion and sees that the loss was not deliberately aggressive, as it seemed, he was just drawn to him because of the strong feelings.
This effect I have already described: because of the guilt of resentment plus and minus imbalance the pendulum swings the other way, plus holds minus instead of push out. But keeps plus minus in order to merge with him, and in order to atone for guilt, and hurt disadvantage is not to stick, and to try to communicate on equal terms. "I try to treat him humanely," thinks plus. "Try to behave with dignity," thinks minus. But soon the imbalance returns to normal and even progressing, as is the adaptation: less accustomed to the fact that plus treats him bad, and gets used plus contact minus bad, finally making sure that the downside of this treatment is natural and even desirable.
Long is out of balance, minus really starting to believe that this is the nature of the advantage: cold, arrogant, abrupt and rude man, but incredibly attractive for some reason, and most importantly, his loving and needy in the red. Plus also starting to think that minus — insecure, dependent, loving the harsh treatment of employees, forcing the screaming and all the time waiting for the criticism. The main argument plus: he loves me and not out, so he likes it this treatment (sometimes plus doubts it, and scolds himself). But minus also basically sure plus keeps it: sometimes runs, but we should start to cry, softens and leaves are close, so in need of love instrumentals.
Both perceive the imbalance as the characters to each other and try to adapt. The deformation minus adapts to the role of victim, and plus adapts to the role of rapist. From time to time everyone is trying to break the cycle of imbalance, but the inertial force returns to the circle. To escape from the distorted system is very difficult, if you've been there for a long time, because of the adaptation you're so changed that in a normal system you becomes uncomfortable, we need a new adaptation. That's why I always say that getting stuck in imbalance, especially passively. Passive jams adaptation is much faster. It is therefore imperative to break to balance.How to notice your own stickiness?
Notice it already when you start waiting. Partner said he'd call and you wait. You can't call and tell you what you need, but also to escape from the expectations can't. You sit and wait for the call. Or SMS tones. Or letters. Or invitations. Or some words waiting. Or the promised meeting. Offer hands and hearts. In short, in its passive waiting, you can identify developing stickiness.
That is why if you have noticed, I often suggest to fight right now. From the point of view of the strategy is not the best move to nail the person to the wall. But it is much better than passively receiving, acquiring sticky field. The more stickiness you get, the less chances you have to steer to balance. You will come to the meeting nicely dressed, clean and perfumed, and the feeling you will be sticky and dirty. What is the attraction?
Please note as you are waiting for Dating. If your soul sings, you want to run and do something, even if you are pleased sometimes to postpone the date a little to get something else to do and something to strengthen, to improve to another and generally, it's all right, love energy you use proactively. Relationship you may not find out, you can chat on. You have a lot of energy, and then your appeal is likely to grow. You will acquire no stickiness, and Vice versa — magnetism. Strong magnetism can attract you to a person through any obstacle, he will step over any misalliance, he left the family (sometimes sad but true), it will change your life and yourself to be next to you. With such dynamics is not profitable for anything to just ask and clamping angle. Why? He'll say or ask, because the feeling will soon overwhelm him (or her).
But if you start to fall into a passive state: helpless, dependent, confused, excited and anxious, be careful. Something went wrong, you lose strength. You cannot accept love to become a source for you, and it gradually turns into a black hole, where does your energy. Developing addiction and soon you can get in the ring of illusions which your condition will be more and more sticky, and therefore less and less attractive to the person to whom you're reaching.
You is much more profitable to ask a person about his attitude (if he is not told), and then to tell the person about your feelings (if he doesn't know yet) and disappear from its horizon (or just distance yourself a little to reduce grip), giving him a good rest of your tack and the stuffiness of being around you. If you don't overfeed him demyanovo soup, most likely, you will have another chance later, but if you live in anticipation of this chance, strength will continue to leave you. Your stickiness will increase even at a distance, and the significance of the person of the beloved in your field will be more and more. In the end you may turn into his vampiric shadow will frighten one of its kind.
Let's see what progresses stickiness. He's longing for man, from loneliness without him, from the expectations of intimacy. From all this growing drawback. Sometimes the people you love are separated by circumstances and miss each other simultaneously, they were grown minus each other, their mutual passion rising. But if you read the correspondence of such a mutually loving people you could not help but notice how often descriptions of the strong longing for each other there are thought about happiness, that distance does not prevent to feel the presence and be filled. And about inspiration. Favorite is perceived as a Muse helping to run and create. In the dynamic balance (both cons) minus is not very large, he was always moderate, and magnetism both for each other, because reciprocity protects against stress and maintains self-esteem, without illusions. But the imbalance one can go in the negative stronger and stronger, to lose yourself and fall into hell, the millstones, which will grind it into flour.
Love is given to man not to passively enjoy. This attitude to resources very quickly develops a addiction, addiction to any resource (or frustration, when frustration occurs). Either you use the energy obtained from the resource for pumping other resources, for your personal, creative, Yes, just the material and physical growth, or resource starts you devour (or off).
If you have been in a strong downside, remember how gradually turned into a love slave. You got pleasure from intercourse with a man, have to wait a little more, began to think and imagine how it will, your desire grew, and now the dose slightly and did not even satisfy the hunger, you immediately began to want more and more, larger and deeper. So developing addiction, so developing any addiction. Food addict long thinking about what thrill he'll get when you sink your teeth into a hamburger. But to devour a hamburger, he realizes that his need was much greater, two minutes of pleasure little if he dreamed of a hamburger in the afternoon. He eats another, and another. And now he will torture yourself with guilt, hating myself relaxing even more.
Therefore, when the sense of guilt a few days off, he will want that buzz with even greater force because of stress and because of the bloated importance of food for focus attention on this topic. What is the stickiness of the food addict? That he has twenty or a hundred extra pounds and when he buys the next cake, he's right feels like this cake says to him: "you're fat, where else do you eat cake?" but at the same time seduces him of course, vile and predatory creature. As a plus in the imbalance, a wretched sadist.
Not to become food addiction, it is important to treat food as fuel for the body, delicious and beautiful, but fuel, not cyclical source of enjoyment. The resource is pumped when his energy is used for other resources and for our own strengthening and growth. Resource of love should be used to encourage themselves to work, to sports, to creativity, to the development of the image, to learn. You need to enjoy every drop of energy obtained from a resource of love, communicating with your loved one and invest it in the business. If you just eat and watch with hungry eyes at the source with a question: "what else?" will begin to develop a stickiness.
Stickiness develops from here that everlasting give, give, give, little, more, more, yum, yum, tasty, but not enough. The second side has nothing wants to give you, and you wait, you hunt, you have to, you froze in a pose of beggars. Seeing this for yourself, remember about self-esteem and that nobody is obliged to give you love, if you do not want, all the joy of love in a free and mutual exchange. Try to make the person you wanted, but to do this, use your love as an incentive for their active growth. All who fall in love, manage to begin to pump myself, tend to get reciprocity. It's a magical effect correct connection, about which I'll tell you. published
Author: Marina Komissarova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
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