Comfortable children

There is a handy children. Tell them, "Do this," they do. Say, "Put it," they put on. To eat give eat and not pick. Guests smile with kids toys share. Order suggest themselves and give head to wash without shouting.

And there are children who are not in any frame does not climb. Uncomfortable. Do things your way. And the feeling with them that we are not their parents, and they – ours. Everything around them is spinning. "I will do as want!" "I am the master!", "I will not buckwheat, quickly roast potatoes for me!", "Mother, you fool!" For any reason, screaming and tantrums. The order does not recognize at all. "Not the Sabbath!" Life with them is a struggle.





 

Useful child involuntarily happy, if the soul is resting with him, without tension, obedient, any request runs to perform.

But to be honest with yourself, understand that all this is external. His obedience is not his character, and the desire to be "good" to be loved. It is in any way ready to receive our love and encouragement. He cant be rejected, he feels powerless in front of us and not ready to fight. It is true that for one of our approving look.

And then there's "the crisis, 3-year, 7-year-old, 13-years of age, and all that these years have been accumulating inside are not expressed all the emotions, all the unmet needs, all the hidden fears and resentment spills out by lava from the volcano, sweeping away all our notions of propriety and correctness.

And we are frightened: how is it that such an obedient child, because it was so sweet and smooth so far!

And well, if the explosion comes, well, if the child has the strength to turn from dependence on us and embark on your own path, to be in harmony with yourself.

And how many people have long grown up and owning your own house, and remain "good kids" for their parents, obedient, unquestioning, right. But inside them lives the child who knew his purpose, but gave him up for parental love and approval.

Though what is love?.. But without it, not every child can stand in life.

I also have "easy kids".

But gradually I'm learning to recognize the willingness to please and obedience, fear of the deprivation of my love.

I'm learning to be a mom, to be older, to give, not take.

Recently, my youngest son said he would sleep with his older brothers. And went with them. And slept all night without me.

The next day, feel a kind of tension. Asked why he chose to sleep separately.

Says: "So you and dad could be together."

Understand: this is not he had to sleep with the brothers, he didn't want to interfere with us, wanted to please us, rejecting something very important to him.





Ask: "do you want to sleep with me?" Nods. Then throws herself around my neck, pressed very strongly, and said, "I can't live without you, I have to hug you."

The next night my son goes with me.

After a few days, in the process of distributing winter blankets, decide to allocate the younger son of a separate blanket. In the evening after bathing, he jumps into bed, covers himself with the blanket, I lay down under another blanket.

The son asks: "we will Have different blankets?" I nod, say that we will be with him more space and we won't push each other in the night. He says nothing, better around her in his blanket and after reading books falling asleep.

Night feel: son sleeps uneasily. In the morning ask: "Well you were under your blanket?" He said, "No, I want to sleep with you together."

You wouldn't have asked, he would have under his blanket, slept on a separate mattress. Because it is important to please me, to gain approval. He also agreed to refuse the breast without shouting and objections, because I felt that I was weighed.

I don't know why children are different: some easy, others are fighters. But I know that the need for unconditional parental love is the same. Just some are ready for it to change itself, while others are not. published

 

Author: Yana Zinigrad

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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Source: yana-zinigrad.livejournal.com/530613.html