About defectiveness Bashny.Net

Lately I think a lot about respect, feelings of inferiority, efektivnosti, which affects many of my clients (Yes, and not only them) and the attitude of our society to the norm and the manifestation of the initiative.

Typical of our society, the range of normal is very narrow, and the fear to go beyond it – is very strong. The easiest way to notice the attitude of parents to their children.

What, almost no matter what parents. Caring mother anxiously compares then, when I went to her daughter with the schedule of development of the average child in the book. An intelligent mother in a panic: her son still didn't like reading, but all classmates have already read Harry Potter. Too slow eats too loves comics, too concentrated, too few friends…

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In most developed children little chance to be normal. Moreover, from the perspective of their own parents... Parents much worry and put a lot of effort to have a child, everything was "as it should". "Go make friends, see all play together". "You're too slow to solve the problem, pull yourself together". "Maybe we need a psychologist, why he loves music."

Alas, less parental care does not lead to lesser demands, and the desire to brush one size fits all is not going away. Just form is simpler and rougher. "Don't run, normal children do not behave", "don't scream like a fool." "All children as children, you are here crying", "For such as you, belong in prison»…

This is true even when it is a normal characteristic of any child's behavior. And if you do weight, height, temperament, or intellect are different from most…Parental anxiety and shame are so great that attempts to return to most or, at least, to hide, ostanovimy.

The daycare providers, babysitters and teachers not far behind. My daughter is Lefty gently but constantly put a colored pencil in his right hand: "make yourself comfortable, baby?". I put the school low marks in mathematics because I solved the problem not as it was written in the training manual.

Where do these anxiety and fears and dictated their behavior? What is the cause? I think this is largely biologically specified: the nature of a white crow among crows little chance to survive and reproduce: if you do not peck their own, visible prey eats predator. Natural selection is unforgiving, and usually discarded too strong mutation. And act like everyone from the point of view of evolution also beneficial: likely to survive more (all run and I run, and escaped from the Hippo).

But in many countries began to realize the benefits of differences and to move towards greater expansion of the boundaries of the norm, biology dominates all the weaker. Here, feminism, and the struggle of minorities for their rights and access to the catwalks of plus size models (even biologically it is beneficial to nature is not only discarded, but also creates mutations, they needed to adapt to changing conditions, and, therefore, for the survival of the species). We have the same otherwise…

Return to the phrase "so you're going to jail". After all, this is true. For decades, different from the majority in our country was very risky. And there were times when the prison was not the worst punishment for excellence and initiative. Negative reinforcement effectively, in the minds could not gain a foothold reflex: the difference is that punishable.To be the same as all, normal, obedient, obscure, long time it was the most reliable way to survive. I think when we "normalize" our children, we care about their safety.

But what this means? We grow up with the idea that any sign that distinguishes us from other is a sign of our abnormality, inferiority, efektivnosti. With age we learn to look inside yourself and absolutely know that there's a lot that makes us different from most (especially if to remember that others we see only from outside himself but in all the details and inside). Other word, sense of self efektivnosti almost inevitable, because it occurs when the detection of virtually any differences. For very many of us opposed to the other – a synonym of efektivnosti.

I met with the fear of "something wrong" with the most successful, confident people behave. Outside not guess what it is inside. To Express ideas, to do something differently, or just act naturally. But also ordinary people I also met with this fear of self-efektivnosti. It manifests itself in very different ways.

In the first place, in fear of the initiative. After all, to give his own opinions, to make their own way, go in the footsteps of family or boss or even peers – so take a chance and show itself to others, similar. Many refuse initiative and in whom this need is too strong to abandon it, have to overcome strong internal resistance, anxiety, shame and fear.

Come with an idea, to Express a dissenting opinion, to resist authority, do not, as written in the rules... Someone becomes an ardent follower of the rules, because the rules allow you to feel safe. Someone, on the contrary, hotly and fiercely defends their freedom from the rules.

Someone's fear so well hidden that it can only be seen in the fury with which he pounces on the other, those whose difference is noticeable or not hidden. Someone is always ready first to recognize themselves as defective: "I'm a psychopath, I just love tales", "only a queer like me, can drink as much kefir".

 

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And, of course, to "normalize" our children. "She's too quiet," he's too loud", "all children as children, and you are my only one", " what, you're so strange, freak…

P. S. All of the above speculation made by the author at your own risk, without reliance on scientific research and evidence.published  

 

Author: Natalia Dikova

 

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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Source: ndikova.livejournal.com/55842.html