Care, support, and desire only the best for a loved one – is it bad?
Is it bad to love, to support, to guide, to care, to worry, to think about it? How bad is that?!
Not bad, but if what you are doing for the other, desires the Other, his energy, his desire is greater than yours.
If on the other hand, if your energy in this process, the much more you pull, persuade, exhort, control, convince, that this Other (husband, brother, father, mother, close friend, adult son or adult daughter) this is very necessary to take care of your health, lose weight, get away from alcoholic husband to get a higher education, to exercise, to move, to find another job, quit drinking, change your life, and you invested, invested, invested...
And your relative is doing you a favor by making it for yourself...
All, you're trapped!
Remember in school, the teacher said: "This is for YOU! Learn, try! It is necessary for you!"
Who need it? Feeling a child, a teenager, what does he need to learn? No. And who needs that? Teachers, parents, rescuers and "claimants" of all kinds. The energy of the wishes of the child in this. It need to be quite different, but not in education.
If what you are doing for a close, you need more than him you are not in support, you can rely on, and the rescuer, the one who pulls the other on their energy.The rescuer is the one who pulls the other on their energy.
You need to save important! When the house is on fire, and have to endure choking residents. When people are helpless and they can't help themselves. When they are immobilized, not sane, and in asthmatic seizures, in severe alcoholic intoxication, under the influence of drugs, drowning in the river, got in an accident under the rubble. At a time when people really need help and cannot rely on themselves.In all other cases, their salvation - it is the responsibility of the person. And the bridge to his dream he needs to build on its own energy.
To help, support, advise – please! But your help and support twenty per cent from what one does in this direction myself. He has no strength, energy, and desires to be in the one light path that you see for him, maybe not his way. And if there is at least some desire and self-energy, let invest it much as can, gradually prostaivaya your own bridge to your bright future.If you become the main pillar of this bridge, the most interested party to this remarkable man all turned out
(husband to quit drinking, the son entered the University, the daughter graduated from vvuzov, a friend found the right one, mom took his health, his father had benefits, brother realized his talent), you risk to pull your much more almost everything, and is fully responsible for the success of the enterprise.
In addition, there is a great risk that the person whose happiness you so eagerly desire, at one point going to send you to hell with all your sincere support and clear vision of his good fortune. And all your strength, energy and time will be thrown into the pipe, trampled and devalued.
About any thanks that you deep down were hoping, you get. No love, no appreciation. Only a deep feeling of resentment, disappointment and feeling his own stupidity and ispolzovano that is the bottom line of the hero - rescuer who in good faith toils for himself and for the guy wanting the best for their loved ones.Take over the landmark formula "20+ 80" where 80% of the effort and 20% is for your help and support.
When I was the head of the public organization dedicated to help orphans and needy families, the wise funders (sponsor organizations, who provide such volunteer organizations as our funding for the implementation of social projects), was allocated only 20% we need to draft a budget.
"You like the idea, want to implement it, believe in it? Then invest energy, money, look for more sources, move, work! And we will support. Well not support if the man himself does a lot to realize your dreams?!"Between the support and the imposition of, dictates its conditions, control and pressure – the thin line.
Rescuers often become "dictators of the right of life," persecutors of the poor for salvation, turning them into the victims of their own ambition.
Before rescuing someone, ask yourself: “who needs it? Who is the main person that did all this happen?”
See also: Love is not a guarantee of the correct choiceShell grievances: try to unclench!
Does the husband to quit drinking, his wife to find work, mother to engage in health, to lose weight sister and brother to get out of debt? Wants your son to University and daughter to learn English? Do your friend a new job or it suits this old?And the main identification sign does the man himself in all this.
The rescuer can become a "maintainer", if he as an adult takes the child's hand, which is on the narrow border:
"I want to go, you have interest, you like it? here's my hand! will support!".published
Author: Irina Dubova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©