To me have never had people ready with the "existential demand". No one formulated the question as "I need to find/create/give meaning to life", "can't decide on their way of being in the world", "I want to take inventory of your life and reflect on the path".
If the person immediately voiced its sore like that – I suspect that this is likely the result of intensive brainstorming, careful preparation for the meeting – and, as a consequence, such a query will be a little life, and a lot of artificial. It was like out of some dishes highlighted all the useful minerals, and proteins-fats-carbohydrates, dried, and filed on the table in its purest form. Like the essence is the same, but not that...
Existential questions often slip in the speech "incidentally". "I can't forget about it, and I don't know why I have to live without him." "I'm a dependent person, and want to become independent". "I can't bring myself to do what we need to do." "I'm indecisive, can not make a choice between so-and-so." And so on for each request has its own existential layer, as the Foundation on which is built the human life.
Not everyone is ready to "dive" deep and ask yourself a fundamental question – "how and on what grounds I build my life and carry out dialogue with the world?" I love these moments in therapy, when – and if – frame certain situations suddenly expand, break the "operating room" — like you're in flight emerged from the clouds and saw a magnificent panorama of a lifetime.
This is what happens when that occurs "here and now" in the psychologist's office, manifested life strategy of the person, the demeanor dialogue with ourselves, other people and their own lives. Strictly speaking, it happens all the time, but not always recognized, if the main objective is to get rid of a particular symptom, to solve a particular problem without trying to look at the big picture.
And the client has the right to remain at the level of private issues: the existential issues of freedom, responsibility, choice, limb, loneliness – they all raised only at the moment when the man himself is ready to think about them. Trying to do it from outside – simply hot air or even direct violence. So, "as the grounds on which I build my life and carry out dialogue with the world?".
Igor turned to me with a question regarding the inability to relax. All the time – anxiety, fear of loss of time "wasted". A number of hard-goals and deadlines – Deposit funds in the Bank (which already was pretty expensive), to reach certain career heights... Life is like a clock, and the ticking of the second hand is heard clearly and distinctly, prompting anxiety to analyze every moment of his life – how effectively you dispose of them, if it brings you to the desired objectives or not (because the clock's ticking!)...
Greedy reading books on self-development. Audiobooks of successful people in a public transport, taxi, plane... Study of the most useful ideas from books. Physical training – continuous improvement: faster, higher, stronger. The clock is ticking. The second hand runs. The objectives are achieved. Body – strong, muscular – toned and always ready for a fight.
And – a bad dream. A vague anxiety – something goes wrong...
Long conversations – sometimes over a Cup of tea in the office. Brick by brick builds a picture of the world by Igor, peace, effectiveness, goals and means. The world is not enough, there are a lot of discomfort and ultimately raises the question of "how to live?"
Vaughn, Stephen Covey has "Seven habits of highly effective people". Your recipes has written numerous successful people. I even saw a book about effective children a review of Gleb Arkhangelsky: "the Book will help students become more successful and efficient: do more, get less tired, courage and determination to go to his purpose."
Templates and samples. Finding the ideal path of life. "The correct rules" of life. The memoirs of the famous businessmen and public figures – each of them was trying to find the answer to a question not always asked, but sensed: "How to live?" What are the principles of efficient, full of achievements and development of life?
Igor called this way to live "algoritma". And he has ceased to hold that it was felt through the constant background discomfort. There is a need to replace it with something else. The need was recognized at that moment when he stood on the shore of the ocean at night with a Cup of hot coffee in hand, breathed in fresh sea air, mixed with the aroma of cappuccino and looked at the twinkling stars. At this point, the goal has ceased to exist, and has opened – albeit briefly – a different world. Where everything exists without purpose.
To change the world?
To build a new picture of the world (from "alegorica" "telefonom", in the words of Igor)? However, to change the world one painting to another – it does not mean to change one way of being to another. After all, how "change?" For example, you can start looking for the most effective ways to live without a purpose. The fastest technique of meditation.
Become the guru and teacher. Set a goal to live without goals and work to achieve this goal, remarkable effort. A way of being and communicating with the world, based on finding the perfect specimen and translating it into practice has remained the same.
In addition, there is another point. People are accustomed to build themselves on foreign models, will fall into a shapeless heap if these external samples will be rejected and will cease to support a person. If not formed an "internal skeleton" that person needs to have an external frame. But here again – no? No, our psyche is not suicidal, and my ears are still ways to live will stick out from the "new world."
For example, a religious fanatic perekvalifitsiruetsya anti-religious. That "professes" man in this case is secondary, but LIKE anything this man professes – primary. As they say the existentialists? Existence (existenz, "as") precedes essence (which)... is Not so important for me WHO YOU are – atheist or believer – AS the way YOU hold your picture of the world.The profound changes in existential terms do not occur when we change the world one painting to another, and when one method of interacting with the world turns into the other...
"I used to think that people live for goals, and now understand – this is nonsense! The truth is in the futility and the existence of "just because!". Here the idea were different, and the way to find one pattern for all occasions and passionately to make it a reality continues. I personally call this method "monologue to the world."What, then, is a dialogue with the world?
Let's say I wanted to make a small toy house. I can go to the store and buy a ready-made, choosing from the options. Can try to build it myself, having spent really a lot of effort and time. Can buy disassembled the model and assemble it according to instructions. And can buy a few models, take them apart and the resulting "spare parts" to assemble the kind I like the most.
Dialog box method is the latest? The world has offered me options, and I on the basis of this proposal have provided a response? Partly Yes. But, if Shire – box being is the ability to contextually use any of these examples. Once we constructed the idea of "never buy the ready-made models" in an absolute principle – we are moving into a monologue, closing from other potential opportunities.The adoption of the values of life itself, without purpose or reason, shall not constitute a waiver of setting goals in your life, from ideas of efficiency and achievement
, time management and other good tools for... here and buried the dog. What are all these tools? Why? R
he development for the sake of self-improvement – a phenomenon deeply unnatural. Development takes place where our needs are faced with the inability to meet them the usual way (or by using the usual Arsenal of tools). To improve yourself for something, for some tasks.
Otherwise it's sharpening the knife for his acute, and the question "why the sharpness of the knife" remains unaddressed – can't you see I sharpen a knife, and you're here to me with nonsense... And if there is no problem? Then why improve? If there is no problem – so enjoy your coffee and the night sea!And it turns out that life is the art of balance.
We, in the end, with Igor and came. Great art – when you work – you work when you eat – you eat, when you sleep, you're dreaming.
See also: Smothering love: how traumatic love domineering motherShell grievances: try to unclench!
In achieving the goal are effective, but do not drag the time management and effectiveness in communicating with the family, and not substitute one for the other. Open to the world – and not swallow everything that offers you the world while maintaining the ability to close if necessary. With the possibility to open again.
At home, in the evening, I caught the eye of the immortal lines: "a time for Everything, and a time to every purpose under the heaven... a Time to live and a time to die... a Time to gather stones and a time to cast away stones..."
There is nothing new under the sun... posted
Author: Ilya Lapirov
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©