413
Children in the valley of the shadow of death
Russia remains in first place in Europe in terms of teenage suicides — according 2009, 22 persons on 100 thousand population. The critical level begins with a 20. Specialists not the first ringing all the bells. Children hang themselves, jump off a roof, poisoned, and did not want to believe that life is good and live well. And enter into the waiting of their adult life do not want.
Sometimes teenagers who are thinking about suicide, visit the websites of help to potential suicides — maybe in an attempt to find clues and leads to keep in life.
Sometimes parents of children who committed suicide, and publish their diaries — perhaps in the hope that someone will track a similar sentiment in their children, something to help...
Life on the dark side
To read the texts very scary — not because when the diaries of the departed, the end is known in advance, and not even because of that dread — to cope or not cope people with temptation, but because reading this puts in a very dark, very sunless world where extinguished all colors, where no love, no affection, no trust — and if someone is trying to help selflessly, like the volunteers on the helpline, so they probably do it out of vanity and want to make money in the karma Bank or an extra star on the fuselage.
In this world there are no people, only shadows, some gliding over the edge of consciousness — and if you get down close, you want to offend. Sometimes this world gets passion — bitter, poisonous, eclipsing the whole world — when the light wedge fits one person and doesn't want to leave.
The only thing that a person feels in this world is pain. Longing and pain. The pain was the only thing that gives him the feeling that he is still alive. But why he is alive — he doesn't understand.
Why is a very difficult question, and for a man especially.
Remember how Marya-Iskusnitsa movie muttering: what will that bondage — all the same. That life, that death still. That day, the night is still.
The person in this position is trying to live. He gets up in the morning. It answers the questions, why did not eat Breakfast, why not wearing a scarf, completed the homework in physics or went to sleep, and why is he talking in such a tone.
In this state he hears at school that Gogol in the image of the Troika depicted Russia how many times you repeat that you have heard you GIA do not pass in tenth class can not count on one of you will not take will go to sweep the streets.
In this state he listens to what got, that one is not going anywhere because he's a jerk. Or fat.
In this state, he answers questions that he received at school and why no homework and why is your tone, I'm talking to you don't slam the door.
Sometimes he is beaten. Sometimes he thinks he is beaten, because any contact with the outside world seems to him a slap in the face.
He does not want to look at myself in the mirror, he's disgusted with myself. One big pain, one big pimple is filled with pus. I am the problem. I should not be.
On the street, maybe spring, sparrows yelling at the bushes, the sun fries, streams flow, drops. But it's not happy, only insults: look, everything is good and you bad. It's not for you. You can't be happy, don't deserve spring.
Not for me
One of the most dangerous months for teen suicide, as found by the experienced by the — may. Happy, blooming, Apple and lilac. Almost as dangerous April and June. And November, but November is all clear. But in may — you especially much sticking out the dead tree among the universal flowering. Not for me spring will come and all that.
At this time, the school summarizes the results and finds out that you're entire year kicked Goosey and deserve now to be cast out into outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. To gather strength, to deal with the debt — so there are no forces, only to lie down and cover head with a pillow. Condemnation, domestic disturbance, what's next is unknown, it seems that nothing good.
Teens don't have the skills to solve problems, there is no skill to do it. There is only a sense of guilt, which just do not understand that. No sense of perspective: a teenager living in today and every tomorrow to him over a misty veil, into the next century. If unrequited love means never get anything good, and it's silly to dissuade him: in your life will still be a different person, he doesn't need another, he needs this right now.
The teenager has not yet learned to understand that that close to another man, and he also feels something: a teenager caught in the storm of their feelings so that others don't exist — or their emotions somewhere far, far away, beyond the Arctic circle: well, Yes, mom is grieving, but she has a life of its own... cry and comforted me trouble without me any better... He does not understand this — as a mother would look at him izvrashenie pencils and an old t-shirt than live, how to be able to breathe, eat, drink.
His life got very few of those powerful highs of happiness that I remember all my life, and which give strength to live. Often no first kiss — but instead crumpled, drunken, shameful. There is no feeling of "we are one", which happens when you truly love. There is this funny pink pig of happiness is to hold her baby. By JK Rowling in the "Harry Potter" it's these moments that allow you to create your Patronus protector, which repels Dementors, sucking the human soul, as it sucks the despondency and depression. Someone from the Christian critics of the Potter noticed that we, as Christians, there is an advantage, because we can turn to God. Do not try to create a Patronus out of your small experience of love — and to turn to Love itself.
Maybe because nothing keeps that in life very little experience with Love. Really holds because in life love is the love of the world, to their work, to others, to relatives and friends. Yet a sense of duty, but it is worse.
Different
Suicides are different. For some, it's a game that I'll die, and then they'll understand how wrong I was. And I'll be lying in a coffin in a wedding dress, all so beautiful, and they will cry here comes my celebration.
Others go that step impulsive, desperately — right now everything is bad and it seems that there is no way out. Cool said in the heat of the moment that will seek exemptions from school — went out the window.
Others have an idea for a long time, consciously, you do it in the language, think, draw. Very often the case in depression — and not only reactive, but also endogenous. If spotted and to seek help, it is treated.
But all shared one thing: teenagers are under a lot of pressure. They pressured circumstances, school and parents. We parents all fear nedodaet. We all think that if there is not enough pressure, the child will bloom. And he squeezed on all sides, it may be, sees no other way out.
Parents are also under pressure. Pushing the work, the housing question, debts, credits, employers, and public life, giving little cause for optimism. They are terribly busy, and the children they care is that they studied well, cleaned the room, not hanging in the street and do not create problems.
Nowhere to go
Teenagers who are thinking about suicide, usually with nowhere to go. That's right, marmeladovs: do you know, gentlemen, what is it, when a person to go nowhere? Parents hit — what to do? Terrorized company in a neighboring yard — where to go? Who to go to with all their questions about the meaning of life? Someone to complain that you are ugly ugly and no one likes you?
Where to go after school if in the village, no job, no school, and the family even money will not give? How to live, if you're not? How to live after rape?
Awkward, unloved, inept teenagers go out into the world, which absolutely they are not happy. It requires that they passed the exam (as experience shows — deliberately dishonest) to get involved in competition, where it will inevitably lose, so that was cool, strong, successful. To have a profession (what money?) and earned (?). Even when they meet love they quickly begin creative, grown-up torturing each other with jealousy, nagging, resentment, nedolyublennosti.
Scientists who studied teen suicides in Russia, drew attention to some General trends.
First of all, the level of suicides is closely linked to the region's economy. Than depresiunea region — the worse case of young people: the perspectives of the study is poor, unemployment is high, crime is also, the population is drunk — what else is there to do? Charities are full of letters from villages and small towns: help than can, children can't collect in school, no jackets, no shoes, no firewood to heat there is nothing, no work, my daughter wants the city to go to College, but we have no money to send her there...
Children write: the father has long left us, his mother drinks and abuses me, friends think is crazy, because I don't want to drink vodka, don't agree to sex, and listening to strange music. Kurt Cobain could understand me, but he died.
In these villages and towns is not something that a psychologist or psychiatrist, sometimes the pediatrician is not present, and the therapist, paramedic only sometimes comes.
The most serious risk group is young people who hung in the air: and not studying and not working. Not embedded in any social structure. Not doing any useful work. To nothing to strive for. Often drunk. The lion's share of teenage suicide — drunk. But it would be too easy to consider drinking the reason. The alcoholism and suicide is a common cause.
The next group of students. Pupils and students in initial vocational training. Further — workers. Prosperous of all students.
The worst situation is in villages and towns. Better in small towns. Best in provincial cities. In the cities-millionaires — again worse.
Without the magic of pendeli
Somehow, it is believed that a person who is in despair, has a beneficial effect magic pendel: enough to suffer foolishness, shake it off, all the depression of idleness, go to those who are worse than you and help them. It may be, and hysterical ladies who revel in the beauty of their suffering. But they should be careful.
Doctors constantly warn children and teenagers, unlike adults, there is no edge between suicide and seriously fun. Conceived to postradali — could end very badly. The man who had tried to commit suicide, even defiantly, with very high probability will repeat this attempt in the near future. Therefore, all threats and promises to commit suicide should be treated very seriously. And very much unacceptable in response to the childish "well, what am I supposed to hang myself?" — coolly reply "hung up". Even if the child is very sick. Even if parents are convinced it's blackmail.
If the teenager is depressed — no magic pendeli will not help: no inner resources to stand up to start to do something, where there to help someone. "Depression is a serious illness with a very probable lethal outcome", — warn psychologists. 10-15% suffering from depression commit suicide.
Child and adolescent depression, unfortunately, parents are not able to recognize. Very often they only see that the child is "lazy", "rude", "sank" and "sunk". And it has no weight, cognitive impairment, which do not give how to learn, he is constantly annoyed and feels that the whole world is against him, his painful condition reaches the point that it ceases to look after themselves, to wash, to bathe, to change clothes. If this condition to treat with shouts and scandals will not be better.
Need to see a specialist. Experts outside of the big cities is not available. If available family to them, probably, are not addressed.
In Novosibirsk scientists have recently conducted a study on the prevalence of mental pathology in children and found that among the Russian students, the level of psychopathology and a half to two times higher than their peers in other countries; however, almost none of them receive any help.
Psychopathology is one of the major causes of suicide. While the country is not available a competent psychological help and nerepressivnyh, professional psychiatric help, children will go to the window and throw it from the rooftops.
What to do about this
Parents and teachers know the signs of childhood depression and to be able to know her. To see when the child is bad when he has sore eyes when he says bad, useless, life's meaningless, no reason to live and nobody likes him.
Parents need to understand whether the child is in a hostile environment, not being bullied whether its in class, do not pursue Lee after school. And solve it ourselves, not to impose decisions on him. Sometimes children flourish, getting in a friendly environment.
If they're not running — it helps just switching experiences. No wonder that in Pushkin's time, the spleen was treated with hospitality. To leave. To go on an expedition to a distant trip, to occupy the mind and heart of adventure.
This will hardly help if the person is clinically depressed. He needs a psychiatrist and psychotherapist.
Help serious conversation about the meaning of life, if someone Mature, intelligent and patient, willing to listen and ask questions. Not to impose their point of view, not to lecture — and to put the questions so are the answers. This may be a psychologist, psychotherapist, teacher, priest. Can be mom and dad if they are willing to think, listen, be interested — and do not assess child. No "what nonsense!" or "well you're here again..."
To join him there — to the dark side and take him out of the dark.
If the child is a believer — communion. But the reading of the penitential prayers for suffering from depression of a teenager, convinced that he is the most worthless person in the world can be an ordeal. Talk to your priest.
Generally a depressed teenager need not Lenten penance is not torture himself by repentance. Maybe the Easter joy for him will be too bright, loud, not for me come spring, remember? — but the quiet sprouting miraculously the mood of Holy Saturday — this is maybe the right mood. Awakening, recovery, the beginning of the resurrection.
See also: How to understand a teenager
My adolescent son: how did we do without teenage riot
Most important and fundamental: the children need to talk. Listen. Sincerely interested. I sincerely sympathize. Do not expect that will help some conversations.
If the school fails to help the child to clean up problems and provide training for exams and tests is more effective than yelling at him.
Learning to solve problems in different ways. On the issue of "don't know how to pay for the electricity" to the problem of "offended the other, what to do now".
During exams to support. To have a fallback in case you do not get to go where you want.
Don't forget to tell the teenager that you love him.
To pull him from the dark side can only be love, nothing more.published
Author: Marina Vinogradsky
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.pravmir.ru/deti-v-doline-smertnoj-teni/
Sometimes teenagers who are thinking about suicide, visit the websites of help to potential suicides — maybe in an attempt to find clues and leads to keep in life.
Sometimes parents of children who committed suicide, and publish their diaries — perhaps in the hope that someone will track a similar sentiment in their children, something to help...
Life on the dark side
To read the texts very scary — not because when the diaries of the departed, the end is known in advance, and not even because of that dread — to cope or not cope people with temptation, but because reading this puts in a very dark, very sunless world where extinguished all colors, where no love, no affection, no trust — and if someone is trying to help selflessly, like the volunteers on the helpline, so they probably do it out of vanity and want to make money in the karma Bank or an extra star on the fuselage.
In this world there are no people, only shadows, some gliding over the edge of consciousness — and if you get down close, you want to offend. Sometimes this world gets passion — bitter, poisonous, eclipsing the whole world — when the light wedge fits one person and doesn't want to leave.
The only thing that a person feels in this world is pain. Longing and pain. The pain was the only thing that gives him the feeling that he is still alive. But why he is alive — he doesn't understand.
Why is a very difficult question, and for a man especially.
Remember how Marya-Iskusnitsa movie muttering: what will that bondage — all the same. That life, that death still. That day, the night is still.
The person in this position is trying to live. He gets up in the morning. It answers the questions, why did not eat Breakfast, why not wearing a scarf, completed the homework in physics or went to sleep, and why is he talking in such a tone.
In this state he hears at school that Gogol in the image of the Troika depicted Russia how many times you repeat that you have heard you GIA do not pass in tenth class can not count on one of you will not take will go to sweep the streets.
In this state he listens to what got, that one is not going anywhere because he's a jerk. Or fat.
In this state, he answers questions that he received at school and why no homework and why is your tone, I'm talking to you don't slam the door.
Sometimes he is beaten. Sometimes he thinks he is beaten, because any contact with the outside world seems to him a slap in the face.
He does not want to look at myself in the mirror, he's disgusted with myself. One big pain, one big pimple is filled with pus. I am the problem. I should not be.
On the street, maybe spring, sparrows yelling at the bushes, the sun fries, streams flow, drops. But it's not happy, only insults: look, everything is good and you bad. It's not for you. You can't be happy, don't deserve spring.
Not for me
One of the most dangerous months for teen suicide, as found by the experienced by the — may. Happy, blooming, Apple and lilac. Almost as dangerous April and June. And November, but November is all clear. But in may — you especially much sticking out the dead tree among the universal flowering. Not for me spring will come and all that.
At this time, the school summarizes the results and finds out that you're entire year kicked Goosey and deserve now to be cast out into outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. To gather strength, to deal with the debt — so there are no forces, only to lie down and cover head with a pillow. Condemnation, domestic disturbance, what's next is unknown, it seems that nothing good.
Teens don't have the skills to solve problems, there is no skill to do it. There is only a sense of guilt, which just do not understand that. No sense of perspective: a teenager living in today and every tomorrow to him over a misty veil, into the next century. If unrequited love means never get anything good, and it's silly to dissuade him: in your life will still be a different person, he doesn't need another, he needs this right now.
The teenager has not yet learned to understand that that close to another man, and he also feels something: a teenager caught in the storm of their feelings so that others don't exist — or their emotions somewhere far, far away, beyond the Arctic circle: well, Yes, mom is grieving, but she has a life of its own... cry and comforted me trouble without me any better... He does not understand this — as a mother would look at him izvrashenie pencils and an old t-shirt than live, how to be able to breathe, eat, drink.
His life got very few of those powerful highs of happiness that I remember all my life, and which give strength to live. Often no first kiss — but instead crumpled, drunken, shameful. There is no feeling of "we are one", which happens when you truly love. There is this funny pink pig of happiness is to hold her baby. By JK Rowling in the "Harry Potter" it's these moments that allow you to create your Patronus protector, which repels Dementors, sucking the human soul, as it sucks the despondency and depression. Someone from the Christian critics of the Potter noticed that we, as Christians, there is an advantage, because we can turn to God. Do not try to create a Patronus out of your small experience of love — and to turn to Love itself.
Maybe because nothing keeps that in life very little experience with Love. Really holds because in life love is the love of the world, to their work, to others, to relatives and friends. Yet a sense of duty, but it is worse.
Different
Suicides are different. For some, it's a game that I'll die, and then they'll understand how wrong I was. And I'll be lying in a coffin in a wedding dress, all so beautiful, and they will cry here comes my celebration.
Others go that step impulsive, desperately — right now everything is bad and it seems that there is no way out. Cool said in the heat of the moment that will seek exemptions from school — went out the window.
Others have an idea for a long time, consciously, you do it in the language, think, draw. Very often the case in depression — and not only reactive, but also endogenous. If spotted and to seek help, it is treated.
But all shared one thing: teenagers are under a lot of pressure. They pressured circumstances, school and parents. We parents all fear nedodaet. We all think that if there is not enough pressure, the child will bloom. And he squeezed on all sides, it may be, sees no other way out.
Parents are also under pressure. Pushing the work, the housing question, debts, credits, employers, and public life, giving little cause for optimism. They are terribly busy, and the children they care is that they studied well, cleaned the room, not hanging in the street and do not create problems.
Nowhere to go
Teenagers who are thinking about suicide, usually with nowhere to go. That's right, marmeladovs: do you know, gentlemen, what is it, when a person to go nowhere? Parents hit — what to do? Terrorized company in a neighboring yard — where to go? Who to go to with all their questions about the meaning of life? Someone to complain that you are ugly ugly and no one likes you?
Where to go after school if in the village, no job, no school, and the family even money will not give? How to live, if you're not? How to live after rape?
Awkward, unloved, inept teenagers go out into the world, which absolutely they are not happy. It requires that they passed the exam (as experience shows — deliberately dishonest) to get involved in competition, where it will inevitably lose, so that was cool, strong, successful. To have a profession (what money?) and earned (?). Even when they meet love they quickly begin creative, grown-up torturing each other with jealousy, nagging, resentment, nedolyublennosti.
Scientists who studied teen suicides in Russia, drew attention to some General trends.
First of all, the level of suicides is closely linked to the region's economy. Than depresiunea region — the worse case of young people: the perspectives of the study is poor, unemployment is high, crime is also, the population is drunk — what else is there to do? Charities are full of letters from villages and small towns: help than can, children can't collect in school, no jackets, no shoes, no firewood to heat there is nothing, no work, my daughter wants the city to go to College, but we have no money to send her there...
Children write: the father has long left us, his mother drinks and abuses me, friends think is crazy, because I don't want to drink vodka, don't agree to sex, and listening to strange music. Kurt Cobain could understand me, but he died.
In these villages and towns is not something that a psychologist or psychiatrist, sometimes the pediatrician is not present, and the therapist, paramedic only sometimes comes.
The most serious risk group is young people who hung in the air: and not studying and not working. Not embedded in any social structure. Not doing any useful work. To nothing to strive for. Often drunk. The lion's share of teenage suicide — drunk. But it would be too easy to consider drinking the reason. The alcoholism and suicide is a common cause.
The next group of students. Pupils and students in initial vocational training. Further — workers. Prosperous of all students.
The worst situation is in villages and towns. Better in small towns. Best in provincial cities. In the cities-millionaires — again worse.
Without the magic of pendeli
Somehow, it is believed that a person who is in despair, has a beneficial effect magic pendel: enough to suffer foolishness, shake it off, all the depression of idleness, go to those who are worse than you and help them. It may be, and hysterical ladies who revel in the beauty of their suffering. But they should be careful.
Doctors constantly warn children and teenagers, unlike adults, there is no edge between suicide and seriously fun. Conceived to postradali — could end very badly. The man who had tried to commit suicide, even defiantly, with very high probability will repeat this attempt in the near future. Therefore, all threats and promises to commit suicide should be treated very seriously. And very much unacceptable in response to the childish "well, what am I supposed to hang myself?" — coolly reply "hung up". Even if the child is very sick. Even if parents are convinced it's blackmail.
If the teenager is depressed — no magic pendeli will not help: no inner resources to stand up to start to do something, where there to help someone. "Depression is a serious illness with a very probable lethal outcome", — warn psychologists. 10-15% suffering from depression commit suicide.
Child and adolescent depression, unfortunately, parents are not able to recognize. Very often they only see that the child is "lazy", "rude", "sank" and "sunk". And it has no weight, cognitive impairment, which do not give how to learn, he is constantly annoyed and feels that the whole world is against him, his painful condition reaches the point that it ceases to look after themselves, to wash, to bathe, to change clothes. If this condition to treat with shouts and scandals will not be better.
Need to see a specialist. Experts outside of the big cities is not available. If available family to them, probably, are not addressed.
In Novosibirsk scientists have recently conducted a study on the prevalence of mental pathology in children and found that among the Russian students, the level of psychopathology and a half to two times higher than their peers in other countries; however, almost none of them receive any help.
Psychopathology is one of the major causes of suicide. While the country is not available a competent psychological help and nerepressivnyh, professional psychiatric help, children will go to the window and throw it from the rooftops.
What to do about this
Parents and teachers know the signs of childhood depression and to be able to know her. To see when the child is bad when he has sore eyes when he says bad, useless, life's meaningless, no reason to live and nobody likes him.
Parents need to understand whether the child is in a hostile environment, not being bullied whether its in class, do not pursue Lee after school. And solve it ourselves, not to impose decisions on him. Sometimes children flourish, getting in a friendly environment.
If they're not running — it helps just switching experiences. No wonder that in Pushkin's time, the spleen was treated with hospitality. To leave. To go on an expedition to a distant trip, to occupy the mind and heart of adventure.
This will hardly help if the person is clinically depressed. He needs a psychiatrist and psychotherapist.
Help serious conversation about the meaning of life, if someone Mature, intelligent and patient, willing to listen and ask questions. Not to impose their point of view, not to lecture — and to put the questions so are the answers. This may be a psychologist, psychotherapist, teacher, priest. Can be mom and dad if they are willing to think, listen, be interested — and do not assess child. No "what nonsense!" or "well you're here again..."
To join him there — to the dark side and take him out of the dark.
If the child is a believer — communion. But the reading of the penitential prayers for suffering from depression of a teenager, convinced that he is the most worthless person in the world can be an ordeal. Talk to your priest.
Generally a depressed teenager need not Lenten penance is not torture himself by repentance. Maybe the Easter joy for him will be too bright, loud, not for me come spring, remember? — but the quiet sprouting miraculously the mood of Holy Saturday — this is maybe the right mood. Awakening, recovery, the beginning of the resurrection.
See also: How to understand a teenager
My adolescent son: how did we do without teenage riot
Most important and fundamental: the children need to talk. Listen. Sincerely interested. I sincerely sympathize. Do not expect that will help some conversations.
If the school fails to help the child to clean up problems and provide training for exams and tests is more effective than yelling at him.
Learning to solve problems in different ways. On the issue of "don't know how to pay for the electricity" to the problem of "offended the other, what to do now".
During exams to support. To have a fallback in case you do not get to go where you want.
Don't forget to tell the teenager that you love him.
To pull him from the dark side can only be love, nothing more.published
Author: Marina Vinogradsky
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.pravmir.ru/deti-v-doline-smertnoj-teni/
