The prisoner of love and expectations, ignored signs destroying trust and the person is in the personality destroying relationships.
ASCENSION TO pedestal
The start was fine ... Suddenly, literally, out of the blue appeared in the life of a prince or man of your dreams (obvorozhitelen, witty, considerate, generous, etc.). Conquering the location, it is lifted up on a pedestal and you are surrounded by attention. It turned out that you are for him "only" and "the best." Relations have developed rapidly and quickly. Friends have told you, what you are a wonderful couple and lonely girlfriends jealous.
You probably have not had a partner, you have recently come out of relationships with shattered self-esteem, you really, really wanted to get married, family, children, and then a miracle happened. Communication with the fabulous Prince seemed unbelievably gorgeous. For the first time, you were sure to finally meet a kindred spirit, and it is clear that as good as it will no longer be with them with anyone and never ...
Happiness overwhelmed, and you wanted to spend every minute with your loved ones. The close relationship unnoticed overshadowed the friends, relatives and their own interests, and replace your entire world.
In this whirlpool of easy agreed to leave the job, or even moved him to another city to be a wife for him. The fear of being in complete financial dependence destroyed "his great love." Or maybe, he suddenly found himself without a job, and you had to increase its employment (shelved personal interests and needs) to survive with your favorite "bad times».
Thus the financial control in the hands of the prince. At some point, he began to decide for you what you need, and not what you would like to take, you can not afford. At the same time afford to provide new wheels on his car, and there is no way to buy you a dress or a pay hike to the doctor. Once you have found that not only finances but also your whole life and you are totally controlled by and dependent on his will, mood or desire.
Falling from the pedestal
Vsezakonchilostakzhe suddenly as it appeared.
Voshelomlenii you try:
What happened? What happened? What did you do wrong?
How did you get under the baseboard with a trampled self-esteem, with a broken and shattered personality, without a livelihood?
As and when there was a metamorphosis, a handsome prince into a monster?
Because of what he was rude or indifferent towards you.
When did the flow of charges, assessments and chicanery.
Why do you pay attention to the inconsistency of his words and actions, manipulation, lies and strange behavior.
Talk and find out what happened.
But he translated the conversation to another topic, and you feel devastated and fooled.
I boil with rage, and you were forced to apologize and grovel to return location.
It was an excuse, he was always right, he has to behave this way.
You have tried to explain the hope that he will understand you and all will be adjusted.
The desire to sit at the negotiating table and discuss the situation turned into a scandal over into violence and / or neglect.
search for a compromise, the desire to create an agreement were unsuccessful. Whatever you do and not say - everything, absolutely everything going against you. However, he said that you:
create problems where there are none,
too emotsioniruete for nothing,
pathologically jealous, suspicious, petty, and simply do not understand jokes,
use manipulations and lies salvation.
He discounted you, your achievements, values, and interests of the social circle. Do you have a view of themselves as useless worthless and useless. At the same time there was the conviction that you are extremely lucky in life, just such a wonderful person still lives with you, so you need any way to save the relationship.
You did not trust myself, thoughts, feelings and actions, assuming that you do something wrong. For other people it behaves differently. You try anything to make such a to be good for him, convenient, once again become the best and most desirable. But to you on a do - all to no avail. Life is like a swing, the movement which is absolutely unpredictable.
The unpredictability and inconsistency of the partner bring you to despair and doubt about the adequacy of their perception. When he once again calls black white and muddles events beyond recognition, do you think that you are going crazy.
And in that moment when you felt humiliated, trampled, no matter what worthless and useless, he suddenly changed temper justice with mercy and gave you moments of tenderness or gifts. Your joy knew no bounds, as if the sun again rose in the east and lit up your worthless life.
While living in constant anxiety
Vvy afraid to discuss his behavior or attitude to you, because you know that an attempt would be violently suppressed, he will punish you with punishment so what are you most afraid of (divorce, leaving no funds or assistance, isolation or neglect).
Fearing to openly express anger, pushed deeper feelings, helping himself with drugs and alcohol.
knowing what he can, freeze, afraid to provoke his anger.
But in spite of your efforts and tricks, inflames a new scandal ... again you convince yourself that things will change and will be as before, only need to be a "good girl».
A vague feeling on the verge of enlightenment alert you that
He likes to drive you to despair, he deliberately does, and enjoy your helplessness and humiliation.
When you are broken and suffering, he feels on top, he develops new powers, it is cheerful and happy.
Once you gathered all his strength and will create at least a small, but significant results for you, it is, at best, is in a bad mood, and at worst - comes in anger and fury
It hurts not only you, but also to children causing them pain and manipulating their consciousness.
For him there is no council, it is impossible to oppose him or to somehow protect themselves and their children.
It robs you of the last hopes for the support of common friends and relatives, telling them about your misconduct, lying, betrayal, manipulation, an effort to destroy the family. You find that your social circle unusually narrow. During this relationship you have lost friends, ruined relationships with their families, lost their jobs. The feeling of total isolation reinforces what you there is no one to complain or even scary.
Time falls away, health deteriorates, you do not get what you would like and then dreamed about. Have not trusting him, you are constantly reminding yourself of how good you have been before.
Incredible affection and desire to keep or return it by whatever means you accept for love. Not knowing how you are going to live without him, you do things that are contrary to your values, character and common sense.
Even if you are parted in conflict or just a few days, he has an amazing speed and easily find you a replacement. And when you hopelessly think of no return - Renewable! He convinces you that you need it, ask to start "with a clean slate," keep the family together.
You feel the fear of being stranded on the side of life.
You feel unable to create career success, support themselves, their children. Under the burden of threats to leave you without money and property, create barriers to employment, to crush or destroy, no money, fear robs you of the ability to think clearly and adequately assess the strength and capabilities.
With this you are convinced that he is able to realize the threat. With his long time flew mask socially adequate rights for kotoroyvy uvideliraschёt and ruthlessness. The realization of how far in his vengeance, he is able to go, plunges into a panic.
He sets you against the children and threatens to deprive you to communicate with the children in case of divorce.
You break and renew a relationship with him, hoping to bring back the best that was. As usual, the period of happiness ends quickly and implicit and explicit violence covers you blast.
You are constantly in the sense of being lost, as have gone astray and have lost direction, loneliness, anger, anxiety, numbing, depression, fear, guilt and remorse, shame and embarrassment. Joy, peace and confidence - the unknown and inaccessible to your senses
If by some miracle, you manage to get out of this relationship,
you are sure that the problem you have is you some is not as (nutty hysterical, crazy, jealous idiot ...). You have behaved badly and ruined family and a happy relationship.
Your aggression directed at themselves.
You just can not let him go, do you think that you love him, want to return it to the fabulous fashion and angry on themselves for all this.
Are you afraid to trust people
He has other relationships, it is not going through a break with you, while you feel devastated and exhausted.
You start to feel sorry for the lost time in the relationship, and he goes on to say that these were the best years of your life and you still regret it.
Shortly after the break in relations, you begin to remember that in the beginning of the relationship, during the "cloudless" Happiness:
there was some confusion and concern about that sudden, quick, and incredibly lucky. But you have carefully stripped the cloud with the clear bright sky relations.
You jarred remarks about "stupid women", "intelligentschiny" and "cattle." But you tried to find a justification for this.
you stunning temper, anger and rudeness, raising voice to a shout, but you have seen in the signs of brutal men, who will protect you from the enemy.
You bothered indifference to others' pain and suffering, but you write it off on masculinity and strength.
you believed that jealousy and the desire to be in touch with you constantly (calls, messages, and Skype vayber) - this is love
You wonder how such a powerful man found himself unjustly hurt someone. Whether the former wife - a hysterical bitch, drinking his blood. Tyrant-chief, not able to assess professional and personal advantages of your loved one. And you tried to understand and love.
You embarrassed jealousy, inability to rejoice in the successes of others, malice and suspicion. But you do not give it any value, or find an excuse.
All this time you were in a relationship with a narcissist. Now, after narcissistic abuse your personality is almost wiped out and will be a long rehabilitation.
If you still are in these respects destroy you - run as soon as possible and ask for help. Otherwise, it will end the complete loss of self, will, personality, health and unconditional attachment to the torturer.
Author: Maria Kudryavtseva