17 statements of an experienced Russian psychologist, who can help our children understand

Doctor of Psychology, Professor of Moscow State University. MV Lomonosov Yuliya Gippenreyter knows what needs to be done to both children and their parents were happy. Here is a selection of her statements:

About vospitanieVospitanie child - is not taming. Parents are not there to produce conditioned reflexes in children.

I do not like the verb "to educate". It is too often associated with such actions is to force, compel, demand control, check. Therefore it is better to say no to "educate" and "grow". It helps grow. To someday the child grew and was able to live among other people on their own.

Remember fresco by Michelangelo: God Created by Adam. Their hands are about to meet; powerful, muscular hand of God rushes to the outstretched hand of Adam. Adult - knowledge support, wisdom, ethical principles. And it transmits all this to your child.

When the child has grown and can live independently, an adult should push his hand. Because the child's hand has already found its own force. It is the individual person. Parent mission is over. Then there are only their personal feelings for each other, their love, friendship between parents and child.

Education - it is child abuse. Every child a process of reflection, its rate of development, growth. We can not interfere in this process, the more messy intervene. This means to break it! Parents should be helpers: it's like a plant - it needs to feed, protect, and not pull the tip, not to rush

neposlushanieNeposlushanie Pro - the only thing that a child may oppose the improper handling
Angry, to get attention - so very typical of children
. Teenage fashion similar to chickenpox - a lot of guys it picked up and transferred to a more or less serious form, and in a few years they themselves smiling, looking back. But God forbid, parents at this time to enter into a protracted conflict with his son or daughter.

Discipline not before, but after the establishment of good relations, and only on the basis of them.

Your child needs to be a negative experience, of course, if he did not threaten his life or health. Allow your child to meet with the negative consequences of their actions (or its omission). Only then it will grow and become "conscious».

Children often think that parents - "Iron Felix", simply because parents are not used to talk about himself. Therefore, it is important to talk with your child about what we feel: "You know, I was hurt to hear it." The conclusion he makes himself. Home -. To be honest and not to manipulate his feelings

About samootsenkuSamootsenka child measured his actions. Good'm - I'm good. I help my mother - I'm good. A child needs to feel good about yourself. And if not, if the "I'm bad, my mother is angry with me," then it becomes very bad.

But the child can not live with a poor opinion of himself, he turns on the mechanism of self-salvation. Like a dog of medicinal herbs, teenager looking for a place where to get the approval, support, recognition. He is looking for somewhere authoritative opinion, and by the bandit or it comes from the father -. It will still

About shkoluShkola as the organization is not interested in the development of creative thinking and the child's independence. It is built on the lowered top jobs, programs, procedures. And it requires unconditional implementation. In fact, the school - a laboratory for the production of weak-willed people: a student by definition podnevolen. He performer.

When a child is forced, intimidated, when the teacher says: "I do not translate to the next grade," or "All the learned, and why are you so stupid?" - In a child's fear and instill a sense of inferiority. He has lost the energy, the desire to do something. Therefore, parents have to make a choice: either stand on the side of the school, or to the side of the child. Inspire - that's an adult problem. If the school does not, therefore, need to make parents - at least the first steps in this direction. To release the child from prinudilovki, tell him: "You must not»

. One of the participants in my workshops told me that it caused a teacher and began to scold her son: he is so-and-so, he and the fifth and tenth. But this mom just said: "You know, Nina, I love my boy!" And Nina stopped. This is one answer.

There is another, the opposite. "Thank you all told me that I see your strong desire to help my child get out of this unpleasant situation. I will do what you told me. " Then come in and say: "You may have noticed an improvement, and I do too. I'm sure this is due to your efforts. " Teachers are people too. They are sometimes important to reassure and support. Make it clear that you value their work, respect her. But the evaluation of your child is always ultimately up to you. Whatever you say, you still love him.

School - it's time. And your relationship with the child - forever.