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Silence infantelyat
Infantelenok - the term is not scientific. Once upon a time a friend of mine said as a joke on one of his suitors: "Take something that Infantelenochka on education? And raise for themselves. " So it stuck since this word in our company.
Where are Infantelyata?
As a child they love to surround with care and attention. So surround that they have nowhere to grow.
Then they pass from hand to hand - Papic husbands or wives-Mamic. Boss at work, sales agents in the streets and the politicians on TV.
They - the good performers. They do not want to decide anything. They want to handle.
They are convenient in many ways, but one day all of a sudden it turns out that these lovely creatures - even those manipulators
. Of course, in most cases they do not understand that manipulating others. Just in a different way to communicate they can not. In psychology, this is called "playing the neurotic" - when a person acts according to the same scenario, stepping on the same rake. People in this game may change, but the scenario remains the same. The script itself is not clear and did not realize - just realized another blow on the forehead with a rake, "Again? For what ?! »
In that love to play infantelyata? Here are some of their favorite games.
< Game №1 «Red Riding Hood»
Classic "triangle Cartman": Aggressor-Victim-rescuer.
Infantelenok, of course, takes a role of a victim. Two others - can be distributed in many different ways, but usually gets those who are closest to - relatives
. For example, a young lady constantly gets into trouble: it is on the street hooligans stick, the head of the work on the kind of life does not, then the plumber mate swears. Well that at the critical moment comes and saves her husband. Most likely, they have met - he it from someone (or something) to save. And so it will continue ... until he suddenly goes into the status of aggressor, tired from a fun life with a young lady - a magnet for trouble
. Another option - a constant aggressor role played by the "evil and cruel father," from which the husband constantly saves ...
A more sophisticated version - a girl she plays both the victim and the rescuer.
Hero lyrics by Alexei Hvostenko "Orlandina" walking at night in the city and meets a weeping girl, which recognizes its long-standing and apparently - quite close - familiar Orlandini and even remembers that something hurt her. She lures him sweet promises "true - I forgive you," but as soon as he tries to take her in his arms - Lucifer turns. The walk turned out to be his last.
A woman some time living with the aggressor, patiently taking down all his bullying. Finally the cup of her patience is full, and it takes him to court, coolly collected all the confirmation and proof of his many years of tyranny or hires thugs, that they with him "understand" or ... picks up the ax and dealt with it myself, and this happens .
Why is it so many years tolerated? Why not say a firm "no" at the first sign of aggression? That is infantelizm - lack of understanding of its borders and the inability to defend them, "rose-colored glasses", which is required to favorite "will be the same as she had come up with." Facts of reality that do not fit into this idyll simply ignored. At some point, all the self-preservation instinct takes its time and has any ethics and common sense back out of the background.
There are red cap and male - roles here are usually divided between his wife and mistress. For example: the wife-bitch (the aggressor) that constantly nags and humiliated, at the other end - the good and understanding lover, it goes infantelenok complain to the vest
. Usually this role across the young maiden, naively believing that saved her lover very soon abandoned his wife monster and heal them a happy family life. But due to some reason he does not throw his wife, and her, because at the first sign of impatience and insistence - she turns to him in the aggressor, and this role in his game already occupied
. Another option - a mistress-bitch (she was much younger, richer, more successful (underline) - condescends to infantelenka from time to time, the tyranny of his own derision and unflattering comparisons with a tough guy Usually these ladies follow each other, for having played with infantelenkom throw. . it without any compunction House infantelenka waiting wife terpelka she meekly blows his adventures, and even comforted after the break with another agressorshey, cherishing the hope that this case too -. exactly the last
Game №2 . "Naughty Princess».
She's sweet, humble and charming. He knows how to make a good impression. In contrast to the "Red Riding Hood", constantly picking "the wrong guys" and is "at the wrong time and in the wrong place", "Princess" selects only positive, influential men, as a rule - much older than himself. As a child, she was my father's favorite daughter and felt fine under his wing. His man is willing to listen, but for this he needs to carry out her wishes.
What's the catch? Only that her desires are basically feasible. Clearly they can not articulate it, so the partner constantly have to guess what she wants.
For example, Princess says:
- Let's go to rest at sea
! - Good. Somewhere in Europe?
- Come
! - And can in Goa
? - Oh how great
! - Or in Bali
? - Just say it's just paradise
! - So you yourself where you want
? - I do not care, as long as I liked
. What a good-natured girl! - The man thinks. And of course, he decides where they go to relax. But here begins surprises: Her Highness always sniffs, capricious and hurt inflate sponge. She does not like anything - from aircraft and ending with breakfast at the hotel. It turns out that the man is guilty. She allowed him to decide everything with only one condition - that she liked. And she - not like it.
This is repeated over and over again, until a man learns to stop the flow of the vagaries of angry eyes, categorical refusal, and even on the table with his fist. Princess quickly learns to understand at what point should stop the whims and enjoy what has already managed to get.
In the men's version of "capricious Prince" normally "off" to his wife, looks like a mom. Sometimes it does not work, but may hold some modest position in an inconspicuous office. In any case, his wife will speak constant complaints: dinner is not delicious, new curtains wrong color socks always in place
. This is not the cries and threats, as is the case with the aggressor, namely moody grumbling hurt child. My wife is constantly suffering from feelings of guilt and frustrated that he could not please infantelenochku. So it will suffer until they learn to sometimes turn into "evil mother" capable angrily pounding the table with his fist, if not so ladle.
"Prince" and "Princess" grow up in families where the children well cared for, but are not interested in their own opinion. While the child is very small - Mom and Dad really "know better" and they need to obey. But gradually, the child acquires the ability to listen to their own desires, to understand them, to compare with the reality, to take responsibility for the consequences ...
But it needs help parents ask the child what he wants to help to understand. It takes time, effort and a lot of patience. It is much easier to keep everything to solve the most demanding only obedience and gratitude from the child
Game №3 «Dablbaynd." - Double binding
. It is to this type of games include the famous Mama's directive: "Shut your mouth and eat soup»
! Or: "Stay there - go here»
Conflicting settings can be spoken is not the same time, however, apply to the same situation. This opponent is cornered by two contradictory directions (or units).
- Why do not you call me? - Stop me constantly ringing
! - You're not helping me at all in the kitchen! - Do not touch the dishes, stove and kitchen kambayn
! - When are you going to learn to drive? - Women should not be allowed behind the wheel
! - Why did not you tell about your work? - Do not ship me their stories about the
! Familiar?
This may relate to absolutely any topic. The main thing - how you would deal either - still find yourself guilty. Infantelenok be angry, offended, complain about the lack of attention and lack of understanding. He suffers and does not understand what is happening. Partner in the end, or moving away to a safe distance, shrugging his shoulders in surprise, or gets an inferiority complex, more and more drawn into the game.
It's time to reveal the card.
What makes Little Red Riding Hood to look for adventure on his head? Why Princess can never please? Where are the conflicting desires? All this makes life especially the most Infantelenku, to say nothing of his surroundings.
The trouble is that Infantelenok really knows what he wants. He was not in touch with their feelings and desires. He was not taught it. Instead, we learn to fulfill someone else's desires to be obedient and good. But the man would do nothing for nothing. For his obedience and goodness Infantelenok expect ... happiness! But he did not expect from myself and from others. He himself does not know the road to it and can not find it.
- Petechka, go home
! - Mom, I'm cold
? - No, you're hungry
. So a person gets used to refer to other, more authoritative partner for the understanding of their own desires, conditions, expectations of life. So he remains a child (on a psychological level) all my life. He refuses to get older in exchange for security, safety and irresponsibility.
Portrayed common illusion: "marry - grow up," "Marry - to settle down."
It is better to forget about it.
Growing up involves the passage of initiation - a special experience with living ordeal. The path described by the boy growing up in the numerous tales of battles with dragons and other monsters Kashcheev. The path of growing girls - a meeting with a witch in a dense forest (like in a fairy tale "Vasilisa the Wise"), communication with the forest spirits or other beings of the other world
. The point here is that for the growing need to accept the challenge, to meet face to face with death in order to qualify to be an adult. Boy proves that he is strong enough and brave little girl - she is able to hear the voice of your intuition and your heart
. Only after that person gets the right to start a family. It is not the other way around.
Initiation of the boy - the task of the male community, the initiation of girls - female.
So leave hopes to "take Infantelenochka foster and nurture it for themselves." You will be involved in his / her neurotic game for the long haul. However, if you come to mind such thoughts - most likely your initiation is yet to come.
Author: Lana Tayges
Where are Infantelyata?
As a child they love to surround with care and attention. So surround that they have nowhere to grow.
Then they pass from hand to hand - Papic husbands or wives-Mamic. Boss at work, sales agents in the streets and the politicians on TV.
They - the good performers. They do not want to decide anything. They want to handle.
They are convenient in many ways, but one day all of a sudden it turns out that these lovely creatures - even those manipulators
. Of course, in most cases they do not understand that manipulating others. Just in a different way to communicate they can not. In psychology, this is called "playing the neurotic" - when a person acts according to the same scenario, stepping on the same rake. People in this game may change, but the scenario remains the same. The script itself is not clear and did not realize - just realized another blow on the forehead with a rake, "Again? For what ?! »
In that love to play infantelyata? Here are some of their favorite games.
< Game №1 «Red Riding Hood»
Classic "triangle Cartman": Aggressor-Victim-rescuer.
Infantelenok, of course, takes a role of a victim. Two others - can be distributed in many different ways, but usually gets those who are closest to - relatives
. For example, a young lady constantly gets into trouble: it is on the street hooligans stick, the head of the work on the kind of life does not, then the plumber mate swears. Well that at the critical moment comes and saves her husband. Most likely, they have met - he it from someone (or something) to save. And so it will continue ... until he suddenly goes into the status of aggressor, tired from a fun life with a young lady - a magnet for trouble
. Another option - a constant aggressor role played by the "evil and cruel father," from which the husband constantly saves ...
A more sophisticated version - a girl she plays both the victim and the rescuer.
Hero lyrics by Alexei Hvostenko "Orlandina" walking at night in the city and meets a weeping girl, which recognizes its long-standing and apparently - quite close - familiar Orlandini and even remembers that something hurt her. She lures him sweet promises "true - I forgive you," but as soon as he tries to take her in his arms - Lucifer turns. The walk turned out to be his last.
A woman some time living with the aggressor, patiently taking down all his bullying. Finally the cup of her patience is full, and it takes him to court, coolly collected all the confirmation and proof of his many years of tyranny or hires thugs, that they with him "understand" or ... picks up the ax and dealt with it myself, and this happens .
Why is it so many years tolerated? Why not say a firm "no" at the first sign of aggression? That is infantelizm - lack of understanding of its borders and the inability to defend them, "rose-colored glasses", which is required to favorite "will be the same as she had come up with." Facts of reality that do not fit into this idyll simply ignored. At some point, all the self-preservation instinct takes its time and has any ethics and common sense back out of the background.
There are red cap and male - roles here are usually divided between his wife and mistress. For example: the wife-bitch (the aggressor) that constantly nags and humiliated, at the other end - the good and understanding lover, it goes infantelenok complain to the vest
. Usually this role across the young maiden, naively believing that saved her lover very soon abandoned his wife monster and heal them a happy family life. But due to some reason he does not throw his wife, and her, because at the first sign of impatience and insistence - she turns to him in the aggressor, and this role in his game already occupied
. Another option - a mistress-bitch (she was much younger, richer, more successful (underline) - condescends to infantelenka from time to time, the tyranny of his own derision and unflattering comparisons with a tough guy Usually these ladies follow each other, for having played with infantelenkom throw. . it without any compunction House infantelenka waiting wife terpelka she meekly blows his adventures, and even comforted after the break with another agressorshey, cherishing the hope that this case too -. exactly the last
Game №2 . "Naughty Princess».
She's sweet, humble and charming. He knows how to make a good impression. In contrast to the "Red Riding Hood", constantly picking "the wrong guys" and is "at the wrong time and in the wrong place", "Princess" selects only positive, influential men, as a rule - much older than himself. As a child, she was my father's favorite daughter and felt fine under his wing. His man is willing to listen, but for this he needs to carry out her wishes.
What's the catch? Only that her desires are basically feasible. Clearly they can not articulate it, so the partner constantly have to guess what she wants.
For example, Princess says:
- Let's go to rest at sea
! - Good. Somewhere in Europe?
- Come
! - And can in Goa
? - Oh how great
! - Or in Bali
? - Just say it's just paradise
! - So you yourself where you want
? - I do not care, as long as I liked
. What a good-natured girl! - The man thinks. And of course, he decides where they go to relax. But here begins surprises: Her Highness always sniffs, capricious and hurt inflate sponge. She does not like anything - from aircraft and ending with breakfast at the hotel. It turns out that the man is guilty. She allowed him to decide everything with only one condition - that she liked. And she - not like it.
This is repeated over and over again, until a man learns to stop the flow of the vagaries of angry eyes, categorical refusal, and even on the table with his fist. Princess quickly learns to understand at what point should stop the whims and enjoy what has already managed to get.
In the men's version of "capricious Prince" normally "off" to his wife, looks like a mom. Sometimes it does not work, but may hold some modest position in an inconspicuous office. In any case, his wife will speak constant complaints: dinner is not delicious, new curtains wrong color socks always in place
. This is not the cries and threats, as is the case with the aggressor, namely moody grumbling hurt child. My wife is constantly suffering from feelings of guilt and frustrated that he could not please infantelenochku. So it will suffer until they learn to sometimes turn into "evil mother" capable angrily pounding the table with his fist, if not so ladle.
"Prince" and "Princess" grow up in families where the children well cared for, but are not interested in their own opinion. While the child is very small - Mom and Dad really "know better" and they need to obey. But gradually, the child acquires the ability to listen to their own desires, to understand them, to compare with the reality, to take responsibility for the consequences ...
But it needs help parents ask the child what he wants to help to understand. It takes time, effort and a lot of patience. It is much easier to keep everything to solve the most demanding only obedience and gratitude from the child
Game №3 «Dablbaynd." - Double binding
. It is to this type of games include the famous Mama's directive: "Shut your mouth and eat soup»
! Or: "Stay there - go here»
Conflicting settings can be spoken is not the same time, however, apply to the same situation. This opponent is cornered by two contradictory directions (or units).
- Why do not you call me? - Stop me constantly ringing
! - You're not helping me at all in the kitchen! - Do not touch the dishes, stove and kitchen kambayn
! - When are you going to learn to drive? - Women should not be allowed behind the wheel
! - Why did not you tell about your work? - Do not ship me their stories about the
! Familiar?
This may relate to absolutely any topic. The main thing - how you would deal either - still find yourself guilty. Infantelenok be angry, offended, complain about the lack of attention and lack of understanding. He suffers and does not understand what is happening. Partner in the end, or moving away to a safe distance, shrugging his shoulders in surprise, or gets an inferiority complex, more and more drawn into the game.
It's time to reveal the card.
What makes Little Red Riding Hood to look for adventure on his head? Why Princess can never please? Where are the conflicting desires? All this makes life especially the most Infantelenku, to say nothing of his surroundings.
The trouble is that Infantelenok really knows what he wants. He was not in touch with their feelings and desires. He was not taught it. Instead, we learn to fulfill someone else's desires to be obedient and good. But the man would do nothing for nothing. For his obedience and goodness Infantelenok expect ... happiness! But he did not expect from myself and from others. He himself does not know the road to it and can not find it.
- Petechka, go home
! - Mom, I'm cold
? - No, you're hungry
. So a person gets used to refer to other, more authoritative partner for the understanding of their own desires, conditions, expectations of life. So he remains a child (on a psychological level) all my life. He refuses to get older in exchange for security, safety and irresponsibility.
Portrayed common illusion: "marry - grow up," "Marry - to settle down."
It is better to forget about it.
Growing up involves the passage of initiation - a special experience with living ordeal. The path described by the boy growing up in the numerous tales of battles with dragons and other monsters Kashcheev. The path of growing girls - a meeting with a witch in a dense forest (like in a fairy tale "Vasilisa the Wise"), communication with the forest spirits or other beings of the other world
. The point here is that for the growing need to accept the challenge, to meet face to face with death in order to qualify to be an adult. Boy proves that he is strong enough and brave little girl - she is able to hear the voice of your intuition and your heart
. Only after that person gets the right to start a family. It is not the other way around.
Initiation of the boy - the task of the male community, the initiation of girls - female.
So leave hopes to "take Infantelenochka foster and nurture it for themselves." You will be involved in his / her neurotic game for the long haul. However, if you come to mind such thoughts - most likely your initiation is yet to come.
Author: Lana Tayges
