Above that, to develop the confidence of the teenager will have to work. Even parents with their children close, beginning to feel the loss of contact as they grow older kids and turning them into teenagers. How to establish communication? < Website published a useful article that will help you. In her mother shares his positive experience in creating a warm and trusting relationship with his daughter.
Somehow my daughter - a teenager - together with your friends was in the movie. When I called her to coordinate Uber it on the way home, she did not answer. Finally, after 2 hours, she said that once again at this time was on the way to the house. Something did not fit.
I told her that I started to worry when she did not answer. The next morning she came into my bedroom and said: "Mom, I have to be honest, was not in the movie yesterday. I was at the get-together. " For "unadvanced" parents explain, "together" - is the most common party with "tusuyushchimisya" youngsters. Originally, though?
We live in a more or less peaceful and quiet suburb of a sufficiently large and sometimes very restless metropolis. I know that raising children in such a diverse environment meant that they quickly learn to maneuver. So I need to have been educate them so as to be sure that they are able to independently make the right decisions.
That is why from the kindergarten, we played the game, when I asked her what kind of a situation, and then was interested in her opinion: in its view, it was a health / safety situation
- You can eat dinner a bunch of candy
- No, unfortunately, it is not healthy
- You can cross the road without holding an adult's hand
- Sometimes, depending on traffic
Any situation which is beyond the scope of health or safety, raised me to discuss them and make independent decisions.
- Can I go to school with neraschesannymi
- Sure, why not, if you think you look so bad now in vogue
This is my universal rules of parenting -! These rules determine when I should intervene, and when I can sit back with a clear conscience. So when my daughter admitted that she had lied about this get-together, I returned to our favorite category Health and Safety. I calmly explained to her: "My daughter, if I do not know where you are, I can not protect you in case of need»
I ran through several scenarios: What if you're at the party realized that begins some zavarushka? Or if you suddenly become ill? Because of this lie, you would probably not dare to call me and ask for help. But this is a safety issue.
< I did not interrogate or try to shame her. I told her that I think it is "very smart and capable," but sometimes life can give us to nuts, and I would like to help her to catch and see through them. She agreed that from now on will always keep me informed of where she is going and where.
I told all my friend, who also brings a teenager. She wondered why I had not scolded her daughter's lies. But it was not my task. I had keep our confidential chat.
Subconsciously, I felt that strict disciplinary action will give her daughter an excuse to shut down on me and then lie next time. I also like, that she has learned to make their own decisions, and always refer to me when it will be difficult to make a decision.
If we want our children to speak to us about all their experiences (including sex, drugs and a situation where they can feel like a victim), and we hope that our wise counsel "reach" the addressee, we need to work on, Bilateral dialogue was to.
1. Let the kids have their own thoughts and valuesOur children - are individuals who tend to be different from our values. All of us, the parents, it is very difficult to accept.
The resistance to the presence of children of his own thoughts and position in life sometimes brings them to the point that they run away from home or trying to commit suicide. Therefore they are related closely to my words.
Your child - an individual. Give him the opportunity to express their individuality. After all, a child -. It is not your property, and even yourself
2. Be lyubopytnyLuchshee that you can do is to show your child that you are interested in who they are. When my children were in kindergarten, I played with them in the game: "Vanilla ice cream or chocolate" / "? Holidays on the beach or in the mountains" / "mad at me or at my father?»
Although it looked like meaningless chatter, I learned so much about them. If you show your interest even the most insignificant little things, it will open a portal to a more trusting relationship between you.
3. Take care of your personal zhiznyuVozmozhno you excessively focusing on your teen to avoid thinking about his personal life? Carl Jung said: "Nothing is so burdened children, but lived a life of their parents»
He also said: «Children learn on who their parents are, and not on their stories about what they consider themselves»
You bring up a full-fledged personality? Or are you trying through their children realize their dreams do not come true? If your children uchuyut impure intentions, they immediately cease to share with you my thoughts.
4. Get familiar with his personal history and travmoyU I have a girlfriend. Its maturing daughter came to her to share her thoughts about sex. In time, my girlfriend my story suddenly burst into tears and confessed that she was afraid for her daughter. My friends molested when she was 15 and, without even wanting to, she had projected his injury to his daughter.
Since then, her daughter stopped talking to her mother about intimate matters. When she was at a loss to tell me about it, I invited her to go to a psychologist to separate from his painful experience quite sensible and natural intentions of her daughter.
Separate your story and a new story to their children. If you can not speak the uncomfortable topics as you want them to raise your children?
5. Learn to listen slushatVy as much as you say? You use "I" -Concept ( "I want to be sure that you're safe," instead of "You're ruining my life!")? If communication with a teenager threatens to escalate into devastating debate, inhale deeply and ask yourself whether or not to accept the thoughts and actions of their child, or is it better to listen carefully and try to understand it.
There are no perfect parents. But if you're trying to send, but not control, if you deal with their own motives and concerns, and if you really listen - you have all the chances to establish with their children a strong, honest and open communication <. br>