In an ideal world, all the people with whom we have to communicate, to be good, kind, attentive, intelligent, generous. They are like our jokes, and we - them. We will live in a beautiful environment where no one is never disappointed, no one will complain and slander others.
But, as you may have noticed, we live in an imperfect world. Some people drive us crazy, but we ourselves are able to bring to other rabies. We do not like those who is not paying attention to others, sharp, likes to spread rumors, it creeps into our business, or just does not understand our jokes, but expects that we'll laugh at his jokes.
Perhaps you are wondering whether you can be objective in relation to those who constantly annoys you and with whom you would not want to have dinner together, and how to learn to be friendly towards every person with whom you are meeting.
Even in an ideal world, to create a team comprised entirely of people you would like to invite to a barbecue, is unrealistic. Therefore, smart people often communicate with people whom they do not like. They just have to do it. And that's how they do it.
1. They recognize that they can not please everybody
Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that we have - good. We believe that we please all the people we meet, even when this does not happen. But you will inevitably face difficult people who are opposed to what you think. Smart people know about it. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements are the result of differences in values.
The person who you do not like, in principle, not a bad person. The reason for your rejection is that you have different values, and this difference creates tensions. Once you recognize that not everyone likes you and everyone like you, because of the differences in values, you can eliminate emotions when assessing the situation. This will help you come to an agreement.
2. They are suffering (and not ignore or dismiss) the ones they do not like
Of course, you can put up with someone else's constant criticism, bite the bullet, in response to lousy jokes, or not pay attention to someone's obsessive society, but there is no worse thing than to constantly suppress his irritation. In terms of performance, excessive desire to win the sympathy of the people is more of a problem than the lack of this sympathy.
You need people who have a different point of view and are not afraid to argue. They are a kind of people who do not give to do stupid things. It is not easy, but they need to endure. Often, those who challenge or provoke us, but they encourage us to a new understanding and help to promote the group to success. Remember that you too are not perfect, but, nevertheless, the people you are suffering.
3. They are polite to those they do not like
Regardless of your feelings towards someone, the person will be guided by your behavior and attitude, and, most likely, will treat you the same way. If you are rude to him, most likely, he will throw all decorum and scolded you in return. Remember, if you're polite, people will be tolerant to you.
The ability to control your face is very important. You must be able to show that a person feel good and professional attitude to it. This will help you not stoop to their level, or be caught up in what they do.
4. They keep their expectations
People often have unrealistic expectations of others. We can expect that in a certain situation, others will act in the same way as we would have acted, or say what we might say, that is, we want to hear right now. However, it is not real. Humans have innate personal traits, which largely determine their response. Expect the same from the other activities that would have taken you - so prepare yourself for disappointment and frustration.
If a person is every time you share the same feelings - adjust your expectations accordingly. Thus, you will be psychologically prepared, and his behavior will not catch you by surprise. Smart people do it all the time. They are never surprised by the behavior of human malosimpatichnye.
5. They do not analyze the opponent and himself
No matter what you are experiencing, people can not get into your skin. It is important that you know how to manage their feelings, when you are dealing with someone who annoys you. Instead of thinking about what this person annoys you, focus on why you are reacting to it. Often we do not like in others what we do not like in ourselves. In addition, they do not create a button, they just click on it.
Pinpoint triggers that could affect your feelings. Then you may be able to anticipate your reaction, to soften it or even change. Remember, it is easier to change their perceptions, attitudes and behavior, than to force someone to become a different person.
6. They take a pause and take a deep breath
There are some things that annoy you all the time. Maybe it's a colleague who regularly breaks the terms, or the guy who gives out silly jokes. Understand that you are annoying and who clicks on your button. Thus, you can prepare for it.
If you can take a break and take control of the raging adrenaline and then turn to the intellectual part of your brain, you will be able to negotiate better and justify their judgments. Deep breath, and one big step backward can help you calm down and protect you from excessive excitation, thereby allowing the case to proceed with a clear mind and an open heart.
7. They voiced their needs
If some people are always hurt you, quietly let them know that their manner of behavior and communication style are a problem for you. Avoid accusatory phrases, try instead to use the formula: "When you ... I feel ...". For example: "When you interrupt me during meetings, I feel that you do not appreciate my work." Then take a break and wait for a response.
You may find that other people do not understand that your performance is not finished yet, or your co-worker was so excited about his idea that threw her in a fit of excitement.
8. They keep their distance
If all other methods fail, smart people create distance between themselves and the fact that they do not like. Apologize for themselves and go their own way. If it happens at work, move to another room or sit down on the other side of the bargaining table. From a distance, and having perspective, you may be able to return to the discussion and interact with people that you like and do not worry about those who do not like it.
Of course, everything would have been easier if we could say goodbye to people we do not like. Unfortunately, we all know that it does not happen in life.
Author: Dmitry Os'kin