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Do not look for the causes of childhood
If you are suffering from unrequited love, do not look for problems in childhood.
It is like that the keys do not look where lost, and under the lamp, because there is more light, as a joke. It is not related to your problem according to your childhood.
Let me say again. < Your innocent childhood, your relationship -. Now it's your habit You can get rid of it. Now, rather than in the past.
Do not listen to anyone who tells you that you will choose from one of dependence and immediately find yourself in another, because your child has a persistent problem. < No you have no child, it is long gone, all your unsolved problems in the present, and the main unresolved issue - it's your relationship
. All dependencies are very similar - that of spirits lovers, it's that the food that love, and if you see this similarity, you will much easier to understand what you do
. Conventionally, any relationship can be divided into physical and psychological part, and even physical-psychological, that and that, and another - not divide even suspended. There are three parts, and we look at them now.
< The physical part has any addiction. This altered metabolism, which is already integrated substance and without physical substance starts breaking, dangerous and sometimes even deadly. The body can not be without substance, it has changed, rearranged, so that now the substance - a necessary part of his
. The physical part is felt most harshly, painfully, but exhausted rather quickly. The body is not receiving the drug, and get with it some vitamins, medicines, water, quickly recovers and begins to function normally. However, problems with the physical and psychological addiction and psychological parts remain.
Note that the physical part of addiction can not have a relationship to the past. In the past, people physically do without the drug, he lived himself, and is currently living his body another, he dies without it. Tomorrow breaking will take place, the body adapts and can again do without this substance.
We also love addiction is a physical part. This panic and pain throughout the body, especially the heart and solar plexus when a loved disappears from life or going to disappear. The presence of a loved one is inscribed in the physical metabolism, it does not inject into a vein or inhaled into the nostrils, but see it, they breathe, his concern, they feed on. < favorite for love addict - physically necessary element of life
. But as in the case of an alcoholic and a drug addict, a deadly panic, sweat, trembling and tachycardia separation from loved ones pass quickly. Man is no longer experiencing an acute break-up, and at the forefront of the physical-psychological dependence.
< And this part again has no relation to the past, your childhood, your youthful experience. No. People with different experiences of childhood and experience this part of the same way The gist of it is that a loved one in this -. The only source of pleasure (and meaning), and hence stress relief. Stress builds up our every minute, and if a person has no way to permanently remove it, he soon begins to feel very unhappy and loaded. Highly. Literally depressed. A strong addict for a way to relieve stress is only one - addiktin (favorite)
Do not your mom is to blame, or even a neighbor who scared you, pulling something out of his pants, not a harsh first teacher. and a boy who ridiculed you in the third grade in response to a declaration of love. Is that why you're now a love addict.
An alcoholic who has got rid of the physical part of his addiction, begins to slide into apathy due to physical and psychological dependence. He will never die without alcohol, but also to live without it can not yet. He has no strength to life, he feels powerless and useless vegetable. Therefore, thoughts come to drink, feel at least for a time of joy and self-confidence, that is, the normal power state. No sources of energy, except addiktina for strong addict, you know
Love addict - the same It seems to be alive, but in fact is dead.. It does not have its own energy and sense. He looks at the world and can not find in this world there is nothing interesting. And if is, then only in connection with their loved ones. All around the world loved it - its center, everything else falls apart without the center literally unfit for joy. As an alcoholic, who has decided to engage, understand that not walk without a bottle of beer or watching football or chat with your friends without the vodka, or in a bath to go or to go fishing or even just to go to bed and sleep is impossible, everything has become dull shit back on alcohol and love addict who decided to get out of the love of gestalt, to again immersed without finding a replacement in the world.
and what about the psychological part of the addiction? this is the part that prevents addicts normally bleed resources, leaving him in a state where it can fall back into the same or a new addiction. This is an external locus and the habit of waiting for help from the outside and pleasure, it is self-centered, it is inadequate self-esteem and reluctance to work on it, it's all the bugs of the ego, which I talk continuously. That is the work of the therapist may be that help a person to something they understand about themselves and see their distortion. But even without the therapist a person can handle, if he wants to work on himself, to make himself stronger.
But here it is useless to look for problems in childhood than a lot of people involved in the therapy. As a child, all external locus, and self-dependent. There are no different. Only an adult person can become independent and start a control. < Scold mother for what she praised little or too much in control, it is meaningless, because while the person was under the authority of my mother, small, and he could not become a full-fledged person, even if the mother was the most-the most correct.
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