3 ways of coping with fear

Karen Horney argued that there are three main ways in which people try to cope with fears. In all cases, the fear, conscious or unconscious, is projected onto the other, which, no doubt, is an echo of our powerlessness in the primary child-parent relationship.

The first method is the formation of behavioral patterns of subordination, that is, to others, which involves implicit recognition of his imperious superiority.

As it happens, no matter what decision we might take, most of them are unconscious, and we are ready to accept any rational justification to justify these decisions. So, the strategy of subordination is often explained by proximity, care for others, a serious codependency is powered on, which leads to the loss of a human natural interest to itself.




The second type of conduct to which we use to cope with the fear is the manifestation of hostility or stiffness when dealing with others.

This is due to the rigidity of the emotional trauma left over in early childhood, and its rationale is based on the belief that other people's behavior is dictated only by their own interests. Because actually we are confronted with the natural choice "fight or flight", this strategy aims to take precedence over the other, and this commitment is directly proportional to the fear that we are in front of him. All partners who seek to control or mentally to force others, thereby showing their own fears. Yet encourage the perpetrator to look at what he can fear - a very difficult task. The study revealed that about 16% of men openly show psychological violence against their partners.

From the same study it was reported that the men who wanted to become a police officer, this figure has already reached 40%. It is possible that the explanation lies in the specificity of this "macho profession ', gives them the representatives of the attributes of power, which is especially attractive for people who are not psychologically feel safe.

Another study found that psychotherapy rapists often gave the opposite result, since they ceased to feel safe and therefore become even more aggressive in defense of their own fears. The stubborn and quarrelsome man too cowardly to see their fears. Positive outlook for the therapy was only those who were ashamed of their behavior. As a rule, violators voluntarily go on therapy, since it is required to process them will have to face these problems. Forecast of the effectiveness of therapy is never favorable to those who avoided her, not wanting to be immersed in the problems to which they certainly should appeal.

People who want to control their partners, have very little chance of change, because they are focused on the protection of the fear that others - better than anyone. Passive aggression is that a person is afraid of the power of another, and therefore acts secretly, so as not to feel the effects of its power. Passive-aggressive personality often manifest themselves as red-tapist. In one case, a man demonstrates a desire to solve a problem or to take responsibility, but never does; in another case, a man makes sharp comments, but when he was challenged immediately retreats and asks: "Are you kidding do not understand?»

Third protection from the fear of others, of course, is to escape, evasion of maintaining relationships, privacy or human emotional closeness, even if he is physically present.

This strategy is very common, and probably does not admit openly only because it can also be rationally explained as introversion, congestion in other activities or just modesty and shyness. Failure to communicate with others on an open relationship, the emotional honesty, denying the possibility of intimacy - a well-known form of evasion of communication, which, I repeat, are based on the fear that the appearance of sincerity and openness will deprive human security and will make it very vulnerable. Dodging communication, an adult does not use its resources and is in its development at the level of a helpless child.

Three behavioral strategies that are used by man for coping with fear, Horney represents a subordination, authoritativeness and distancing.

It is interesting that, in her view, love can also be a means of salvation from fear.

According to many psychologists, the opposite of love - is not hate, but fear. The ability to support others require latitude soul that can withstand ever-present timidity.

Also interesting: The fear - it is an illusion: 6 antidote to panic

fear

Letter Love others, assuming that it has the power to hurt us - it means really to have a broad mind and a well-developed sense of self, not to show excessive caution, if you want to take the risk

. It is these qualities in mind Aristotle was talking about the "generosity" of a person who has such a strong sense of self, which can not only allow others to be different, but also to open up all the power and capabilities of his wound, which can have another.

While one can not compromise your generosity, we can not say that he is capable of loving.

Author: James Hollis, from the book "Dreams of Eden. In search of a good magician "