489
Where it ends "forever"
< Ira Berseth
Ukraine
He stood at the kitchen window and looked at the gloomy autumn morning, as if reflected in a mirror. Not had time to wake up, but already tired, they looked at him with rare patches of high-rise windows drooping. The fog, like a shock of gray hair, hung on the faces of the houses, and seemed to disturb them breathe. Timid attempts rusty sun break through the thick mist hair were as hopeless as his gaze. Last ray of hope went out six months ago, when the fate in the face of the attending physician decided not to stand on ceremony:. "It's good" A strange word - good. He never understood it. A kind of eternity, which somehow involves the end and can stop at any time: a year, a month, a week, a minute ... He opened the window, letting in a house soaked the air with dust. I shivered from his cold touch. Lit. Serve immediately smoke hung in the space of a small white cloud. Kettle on the stove began to show signs of life ... "Soon boils. Will whistling and spitting. But I'll wait until you're deaf okliknesh me from the depths of the room. For you it is - part of our impoverished way of life for me - your presence ... brewed mint tea and we will cut your favorite sdobny bread. Butter, strawberry jam, - everything as you like ... You need to buy a new tray that some small, fiddly: Glass vase always loud knocks on the steaming cup ... open the door, it is unpleasant squeaks ... remember that again oiled hinges ... You already lit a table lamp. It illuminates your face sad wax ... In your world smell of stopped time: medicines, alcohol, vanilla, dying body, and something else ... Cat, as always, lies in your legs. She will not leave you as long as I did not show up with breakfast. Seeing me, Martha myauknet quietly, and pulled lazily popletёtsya the kitchen. You will smile (Your smile will be a millimeter less than yesterday) and asked if I forgot to put sugar ... I Lift your back and put it under the pillow. I'll ask, how did you sleep. You do not answer. Rather, the answer, but the question is, what is the weather today ... I'm in great detail, not missing a single detail, take the talk about the fact that a year ago we did not have to make any difference. You will become a tea drink a bunch of different colored pills and listen carefully. I will speak at length, trying not to look in your eyes, make a sudden wet. Then comes ringing uncomfortable pause. It always comes after my monologue, and how to get rid of it, I do not know ... I'll just sit and wait, when your thoughts go back to reality ... Suddenly you shiver and slid down prikroesh eyelids. Under the thin skin on the cheeks, cheekbones vzduyutsya from internal tension - it's time to make "duck." You are never able to come to terms with the circumstances and overcome shyness. This woman remains her even in her helplessness. And you such. The most real. Most. You accept my care as a kind of cross, the punishment of the Lord ... you always read a lot, because your thoughts and more than I, frilly. For me it's simple: you - my ... Give the cross, fate, punishment, or a gift of fate, it does not matter ... The main thing is that you're here, next to ... tell you about it? No, I still do not believe it. Then I turn on the TV, your favorite channel is the twenty-first, by telling you that I go to the store. While you do that and you know yourself. To my question, whether to buy something special, will smile the second time and shook his head ... I will step over the threshold and end up in another world, where the smell of damp, exhaust gases, and conservation efforts. Passing by the shops, I will answer as me after the usual stretches "and yet the man still in force, he would live a normal life ..." Until
store will think about life: that for which hinted at the entrance, and the one that happened to us. Mentally I choose the latter. It is strange that someone thinks differently ... Milk, bread, onion, bell pepper ... You like bell peppers, especially yellow. What else? The oil and herbs. Then I buy something special to deserve a third smile. You said you did not want. But I did know that waiting ... For a year it was our game, the silent agreement. While I was never lost, I was able to guess ... Halva, flowers, nuts, baklava, books, bars, cherry, hand-made articles from a tree ... How do I come to such a head trash? .. A year ago I would have laughed for a long time ... Now, however, ridiculously small ... Then I will cook soup. Most likely, rice. You will start to read, and the corners of your lips will be twitching to the beat of emotions. You're going to look at the book, and I - on your face is moving and alive ... It's really alive ... alive all persons of other people, I know ... you fall asleep after about fifty pages. I quietly take away a folio of relaxed hands and tiptoed out of the room ... go out in the yard at a table, somehow put together from boards, Petrovich, as usual, will be sipping a beer and a bored yawn. He had to sleep off after a night shift at the garage and ready shlestnutsya dominoes games. I stand by man. He rasplyvёtsya in a gap-toothed smile and ask, "cigarette". Suit Stepan Valer'yanovich and Andryuha from a neighboring house. Same with beer. Be offered. I refused, citing health. Tell lies, of course, but it will turn out very convincingly. The truth is still not understood: you never liked the smell of beer ... Half an hour later I was at home. Soup. You're going to catch the sweet potatoes in yushke. As usual, no appetite. I will insist, from a spoon feed you, and you - to be nervous and refuse. A few minutes later you start to cry, and I apologize. No, at first angry, but then I still apologize. Then I'm going to smoke on the balcony, so, too, do not cry. In principle, I do not know how to cry. Can you. Always I knew how. You're always crying very beautiful, like a quiet, shy as a child who was lost and he was scared ... I once again remember the first time I saw you cry. You're standing under a tree quite damp, and this seemed even less. The dog, which you walking her, broke away and ran. On the questioning of a random passer-by, that is me, you answered haltingly and with a gasp. I listened and looked at the reddened tip of his nose, wet swollen lips, eyes full of grief, and thought that eternally grateful to this wonderful dog. She then found - ran to the entrance, however, two months and, as it turned out, with the offspring ... shudder - the ash will burn my fingers again ... cursed ... The doorbell rezanёt ears. You're disturbing voice pozovёsh to open. A neighbor came to ask ten - you need to get drunk, to give salary. Dame, he has not let down with returns ... Then you, hiding his eyes, you'll be confused whisper that thought - brought retire, carefully hiding from me foolish hope of seeing their children and grandchildren. You want them to come, not only on Saturdays once a month, but nothing. Just because we are. But we have each other, you do so little? You think I'm cruel? No, dear, I'm just still jealous of you. If you would have said about it, you would have laughed, and then sulked, considering my poor father. That's why I will not tell. I will silently pretend not to notice your mother's frustration ... You every day more and more easily. Brittle, transparent body with blue veins rivers will again be a little shake, even under warm water. I will try very carefully wash thee marble skin was so thin, that the fear of accidentally damaging it. You povisnesh lifeless in my arms, as a helpless child, and become barely audible snore. I hear how your heart beats, and mock his voice. It worries and struggles. It
wants to live ... And you ... I can see how with every passing day, in your eyes become more and more fear and confusion ... "Do not worry, everything will be fine?" - I tell you, and I almost believe you. Calm down under a warm blanket. Close your eyes, and after a while your eyelashes begin to read the dreams, barely noticeable twitching ...
Teapot whistled furiously. He winced and looked around, puzzled, at the angry utensils, a cat ... March sat on the windowsill and stared at the misty space. "Martha! Why are you here? "-serdtse For a few seconds to hurt tightened, cutting off breathing. Fingers dug into force from the windowsill, became white. The sting eyes caked so unbearable that he threw back his head and groaned. At the same moment the hot water broke out and burned his wrinkled face. He cried for the first time and did not stop himself - was now possible. Thoughts were confused by sticking to unwanted alien images of him. The new reality, absorbing the usual groundhog day, looked at him and was not going to retreat. Tea is still whistled, but not called out of the room.
Всё…………………………………………………………………………………
"Forever ended today" - ruthlessly silent "never" from the depths of the room ...
Ukraine
He stood at the kitchen window and looked at the gloomy autumn morning, as if reflected in a mirror. Not had time to wake up, but already tired, they looked at him with rare patches of high-rise windows drooping. The fog, like a shock of gray hair, hung on the faces of the houses, and seemed to disturb them breathe. Timid attempts rusty sun break through the thick mist hair were as hopeless as his gaze. Last ray of hope went out six months ago, when the fate in the face of the attending physician decided not to stand on ceremony:. "It's good" A strange word - good. He never understood it. A kind of eternity, which somehow involves the end and can stop at any time: a year, a month, a week, a minute ... He opened the window, letting in a house soaked the air with dust. I shivered from his cold touch. Lit. Serve immediately smoke hung in the space of a small white cloud. Kettle on the stove began to show signs of life ... "Soon boils. Will whistling and spitting. But I'll wait until you're deaf okliknesh me from the depths of the room. For you it is - part of our impoverished way of life for me - your presence ... brewed mint tea and we will cut your favorite sdobny bread. Butter, strawberry jam, - everything as you like ... You need to buy a new tray that some small, fiddly: Glass vase always loud knocks on the steaming cup ... open the door, it is unpleasant squeaks ... remember that again oiled hinges ... You already lit a table lamp. It illuminates your face sad wax ... In your world smell of stopped time: medicines, alcohol, vanilla, dying body, and something else ... Cat, as always, lies in your legs. She will not leave you as long as I did not show up with breakfast. Seeing me, Martha myauknet quietly, and pulled lazily popletёtsya the kitchen. You will smile (Your smile will be a millimeter less than yesterday) and asked if I forgot to put sugar ... I Lift your back and put it under the pillow. I'll ask, how did you sleep. You do not answer. Rather, the answer, but the question is, what is the weather today ... I'm in great detail, not missing a single detail, take the talk about the fact that a year ago we did not have to make any difference. You will become a tea drink a bunch of different colored pills and listen carefully. I will speak at length, trying not to look in your eyes, make a sudden wet. Then comes ringing uncomfortable pause. It always comes after my monologue, and how to get rid of it, I do not know ... I'll just sit and wait, when your thoughts go back to reality ... Suddenly you shiver and slid down prikroesh eyelids. Under the thin skin on the cheeks, cheekbones vzduyutsya from internal tension - it's time to make "duck." You are never able to come to terms with the circumstances and overcome shyness. This woman remains her even in her helplessness. And you such. The most real. Most. You accept my care as a kind of cross, the punishment of the Lord ... you always read a lot, because your thoughts and more than I, frilly. For me it's simple: you - my ... Give the cross, fate, punishment, or a gift of fate, it does not matter ... The main thing is that you're here, next to ... tell you about it? No, I still do not believe it. Then I turn on the TV, your favorite channel is the twenty-first, by telling you that I go to the store. While you do that and you know yourself. To my question, whether to buy something special, will smile the second time and shook his head ... I will step over the threshold and end up in another world, where the smell of damp, exhaust gases, and conservation efforts. Passing by the shops, I will answer as me after the usual stretches "and yet the man still in force, he would live a normal life ..." Until
store will think about life: that for which hinted at the entrance, and the one that happened to us. Mentally I choose the latter. It is strange that someone thinks differently ... Milk, bread, onion, bell pepper ... You like bell peppers, especially yellow. What else? The oil and herbs. Then I buy something special to deserve a third smile. You said you did not want. But I did know that waiting ... For a year it was our game, the silent agreement. While I was never lost, I was able to guess ... Halva, flowers, nuts, baklava, books, bars, cherry, hand-made articles from a tree ... How do I come to such a head trash? .. A year ago I would have laughed for a long time ... Now, however, ridiculously small ... Then I will cook soup. Most likely, rice. You will start to read, and the corners of your lips will be twitching to the beat of emotions. You're going to look at the book, and I - on your face is moving and alive ... It's really alive ... alive all persons of other people, I know ... you fall asleep after about fifty pages. I quietly take away a folio of relaxed hands and tiptoed out of the room ... go out in the yard at a table, somehow put together from boards, Petrovich, as usual, will be sipping a beer and a bored yawn. He had to sleep off after a night shift at the garage and ready shlestnutsya dominoes games. I stand by man. He rasplyvёtsya in a gap-toothed smile and ask, "cigarette". Suit Stepan Valer'yanovich and Andryuha from a neighboring house. Same with beer. Be offered. I refused, citing health. Tell lies, of course, but it will turn out very convincingly. The truth is still not understood: you never liked the smell of beer ... Half an hour later I was at home. Soup. You're going to catch the sweet potatoes in yushke. As usual, no appetite. I will insist, from a spoon feed you, and you - to be nervous and refuse. A few minutes later you start to cry, and I apologize. No, at first angry, but then I still apologize. Then I'm going to smoke on the balcony, so, too, do not cry. In principle, I do not know how to cry. Can you. Always I knew how. You're always crying very beautiful, like a quiet, shy as a child who was lost and he was scared ... I once again remember the first time I saw you cry. You're standing under a tree quite damp, and this seemed even less. The dog, which you walking her, broke away and ran. On the questioning of a random passer-by, that is me, you answered haltingly and with a gasp. I listened and looked at the reddened tip of his nose, wet swollen lips, eyes full of grief, and thought that eternally grateful to this wonderful dog. She then found - ran to the entrance, however, two months and, as it turned out, with the offspring ... shudder - the ash will burn my fingers again ... cursed ... The doorbell rezanёt ears. You're disturbing voice pozovёsh to open. A neighbor came to ask ten - you need to get drunk, to give salary. Dame, he has not let down with returns ... Then you, hiding his eyes, you'll be confused whisper that thought - brought retire, carefully hiding from me foolish hope of seeing their children and grandchildren. You want them to come, not only on Saturdays once a month, but nothing. Just because we are. But we have each other, you do so little? You think I'm cruel? No, dear, I'm just still jealous of you. If you would have said about it, you would have laughed, and then sulked, considering my poor father. That's why I will not tell. I will silently pretend not to notice your mother's frustration ... You every day more and more easily. Brittle, transparent body with blue veins rivers will again be a little shake, even under warm water. I will try very carefully wash thee marble skin was so thin, that the fear of accidentally damaging it. You povisnesh lifeless in my arms, as a helpless child, and become barely audible snore. I hear how your heart beats, and mock his voice. It worries and struggles. It
wants to live ... And you ... I can see how with every passing day, in your eyes become more and more fear and confusion ... "Do not worry, everything will be fine?" - I tell you, and I almost believe you. Calm down under a warm blanket. Close your eyes, and after a while your eyelashes begin to read the dreams, barely noticeable twitching ...
Teapot whistled furiously. He winced and looked around, puzzled, at the angry utensils, a cat ... March sat on the windowsill and stared at the misty space. "Martha! Why are you here? "-serdtse For a few seconds to hurt tightened, cutting off breathing. Fingers dug into force from the windowsill, became white. The sting eyes caked so unbearable that he threw back his head and groaned. At the same moment the hot water broke out and burned his wrinkled face. He cried for the first time and did not stop himself - was now possible. Thoughts were confused by sticking to unwanted alien images of him. The new reality, absorbing the usual groundhog day, looked at him and was not going to retreat. Tea is still whistled, but not called out of the room.
Всё…………………………………………………………………………………
"Forever ended today" - ruthlessly silent "never" from the depths of the room ...
