The image of yourself that we call others

In the conflict, each side believes the second brake relations dumber sebya.Konflikt is always based on the belief, "I am better than you. You're worse than me. " Instead, support is usually followed by criticism. Anyone who criticizes, believes that this it improves the relationship. But criticism - is a process aimed at ending activities. And the process is terminated relationship.

How did they get into this trap?

The truth is that the two can go ahead, explore the world, just feeling like an equal. Then they are together.

You can not stay in a relationship if one behind, or other forged ahead in its development.

But they are - different! Each has its own story. And the fact that they brought with them a strong effect on their relationship dance.

Wanting to support each other, and simply put, like, they start to maintain the reflected feeling with your partner in the relationship.

What is reflected sense of self and how it manifests itself?

This self-image, which we call the others. When we ask a simple question in hopes of approval: "Well, how's my hair (pants, wheelbarrow, my child, our apartment, etc), we want to see the eyes of the interlocutor himself, his I am a good and attractive
<. br> And partner, wishing well, as we are to be approved by us, including the role of Savior I reflected and supports our expectations of their approval.

And here attention! At this point, we have borrowed from its partner his energy in order to feel better. Our functioning was better at the expense of borrowed approval.

That is our operation is not their own, and need to borrow.

Despite the fact that we live in a society that recognizes that support is essential to every member of society, unbearably bitter to realize that you are not sufficiently safe and begging for someone else's approval.

It is especially difficult to recognize the men. Their image of the hero disintegrates into dust. They begin to consider themselves weak and in every way hide this knowledge from everyone and from myself.

Displaced self-image is a shadow. Shadow for life only increased. Every once in a situation where once again had to borrow someone else's approval for its own functioning, Shade grown only.

Shadows is not only for men. To feel good wife, each woman has to hide from all sexual self-image.

Sexual she believes a whore. A little more about how this happens:

Physiology proximity of men and women are different. He wants to start a fast sex and faster to finish than she.

As a result, women are often dissatisfied. But that does not look like slut, she hides resentment and makes imperturbable face on a bad game.

Her repressed part of the "Whore" grows and manifests itself only in the fantasies, alone. Sometimes she wants to prove himself in the search for a decent lover. But the fee is -. Lack of independence and feeling even worse, self-hatred

Fighting with his shadow leads each of us to fight against those who we once asked for a loan.

The struggle manifests itself through criticism. We become accusers of those through whom exercised their functioning.

So the Savior becomes our victim.

Where is the exit? The way out is to create their own integrity, its independent operation. Technology now in the world there.

Maybe you think that a person with independent functioning like a biscuit, no one is looking for support, and it does not give anyone?

No, a man with a healed I just do not torment themselves in a struggle with the shadows. He knows how to give to others, to request, accept, or even to reject the recognition and approval of others.

Why he can? Because it can give recognition and approval yourself! It is autonomous, but not separated. He is one with the other, because it is redundant. It is abundant, so he loves.

He is mature.

He can console himself, but can openly admit that he would like to support others. He recognizes his weaknesses openly. And that does not make him weak in the eyes of others. On the contrary, it is considered an attractive personality.

Maturity is never seen in the criticism. This is attractive.
Maturity is always aware of the reasons. It delights.
Maturity always gives support without expecting return the debt. It is fascinating.

And just want to be with a man nearby. To rise to his level. Its level can always be yourself and do not be afraid to explore its darkest shadows. It is only in unity with the strength of the shadow there.

(From training materials "Femininity eyes of men. The irresistible charisma of men eyed women»).
Mark Ifraimov.