When opening old wounds and pain gushing buckets when, as in a nightmare, you suddenly left all alone and it is not clear who to blame .... that the heart is not stale, but the soul is not ssohlas, it is important to allow yourself to cry ... tears will wash the wound.
With deepest love and regret filled her memories of how you used to be, and what happened to the way to go to today to afford safe just to cry, quietly sitting on his sofa.
And maybe even you are lucky and you turned out to be near a friend who nods to the beat of your mother's sobs and was worth all those who have offended you. Probably, he knows how to heal the tears, they burn them all that their breeds: a blue flame in the heart burned resentment ashes in memory of collapsing events tightened scar tissue wounds ... and gradually .... eventually ... on an empty conflagration prevail peace and grace ...
how to heal your heartache
To a greater or lesser extent, these patients have a place in each of us. This is because life is not without surprises. And many of them did not understand how to cope.
Great nature has on our nervous system are three standard ways to respond to any physical and psychological danger. Two of them - the flight and the fight - it is reasonable and logical. When a person is faced with a strange or dangerous situation, his body immediately filled with strength to cope with the circumstances or in any way to avoid them.
When, for whatever reason, drop through the action of this energy is impossible, a person instinctively resorted to a third method - it freezes. All arose in the body voltage remains bound within the nervous system until the moment when the "danger" has passed. Scientists call this reaction - immobilization. Most often it born injury in this place. It arises not so much because we fades, but because we do not wither away when it is completely safe to do so.
how to heal psychological trauma
In other words, the injury - it is the remains of accumulated psychological and, accordingly, physical stress, which somehow breaks out and demands exit. That is why people who have experienced trauma, sometimes behave strangely. They now and then scroll in his mind memories concerning occurrence of injury. They literally live in the past, coming up with various real and unreal options on how it could be. They refuse to accept the reality. They return to "the place of incident." They can even build any new relationship so as to relive the traumatic event. So, rejected in love, man, in a new relationship is not only afraid of rejection, but also to do everything in order to be rejected again. Psychologists even have a term - "trauma rejected"
From the standpoint of common sense such behavior seems silly. Friends, relatives, parents, wives and husbands are advised to immediately start to behave reasonably. Him and do not know that man, returning physically or emotionally injured in a really intuitive or instinctive acts wisely. He rushes to the place where born intense pressure to manage to do something that did not happen - lose, or more simply, to spend stagnant energy. He simply does not understand how to do it correctly. And as a result, the return leads to repeated serious feelings and emotions, which only increase the trauma. It seems to run in a spiral, tightly twisting injury in the depths of the human soul.
However, turning this way back, despite all the apparent complexity, it is quite feasible to every person, especially with professional help. You can start with a simple understanding that at a biological level for any individual who is in a difficult psychological or physiological situation, it is important to survival. It is an ancient instinct, without which people would not exist in this world. It can not be controlled by any, even the most enlightened and spiritual development of the mind. Survived - means won! Here is a simple and clear logic of nature and human nature. This is the starting point from which to start healing any injuries.
So, it's time to do their own wounds. Consider, please, what kind of injury, pain or a wound, you want to start to heal today .... Now honestly ask yourself:
What I do in order to survive?
The question I always ask the very first, because in a state of acute negative people more inclined to see their mistakes and errors. In this case it is absolutely devalues everything that he was able to do to cope with a painful situation. Sometimes, a simple realization: "I did everything I could understand at that time" - brings huge relief
When you begin to constructively and progressively to analyze the situation in which you are so hurt ranilsya, then suddenly you notice that you can do in many other ways, which might have led to different results or consequences. I watch carefully to these comments did not go to the inner reproach on the already weak heart, and respected for lessons that have already been learned thanks to a new, unfortunately sad experience.
What can we do about it, if a person is really fast and efficient learning solely on their suffering. So, the time has come to separate the experience lived on what you have learned because of him:
What I have learned in this situation?
What I saw in a new way?
How to act, speak, what to do when the next time will start happening to me something like that?
And only then, when all their own merits are seen and appreciated, and all the lessons learned thoroughly, you can go ahead and ask yourself:
I did not do, but it helped me to survive?
This important question can turn the whole life upside down.
One of my clients who have been raped, five years after the terrible events still reproached and punished himself for what did not resist, did not fight, did not scream and do not bite. She literally brought himself to exhaustion and depletion, until suddenly I realized that it was her humility and silence, in the literal sense of the word, helped her stay alive. It is time to clean and sincere tears, full of gratitude to myself. With all the tears flowed and anguish. For the first time in many years, the soul of a young girl completely to the brim filled with peace and quiet.
Almost always, such awareness and facilitate understanding of the general condition, but rarely when heal the trauma itself. It was like a bulb, which should be thoroughly cleaned, layer by layer, to get to the core. The first layer - a semantic integration of traumatic experiences in life. This will help those questions, which I shared above. They can be answered quite independently. Now it's time to move on.
The heart of any psychic wounds lives in our memory, it pulsates in our nerves and our entire body twists. To heal an injury can only discharge the voltage on all three levels. Memory, emotions and body, which itself is home to all, is inseparable connected with each other. You pull a single thread, and will certainly begin to unravel the whole ball of traumatic pain.
And here already without skilled care can not do, and to self-medicate may be daunting, or even harmful task. However, I would venture to share with you is absolutely harmless technique that can be used as an "emergency". After all, if you hurt yourself, no one bothers you to a doctor soon wash the wound.
For convenience, I'll break the technique a few steps:
Step 1: Preparation of internal injuries
At this point, I will ask you to go to his memory. Remember the beginning of that situation, which subsequently proved to be unbearable for you, heavy and (or) painful. If you dare to work on their own, rather than with his psychologist or therapist, better take a piece of paper to write a detailed account of what and how you happened in chronological order.
However, this will not be just memories in the conventional sense of the word. I ask you to be very attentive to him and noted:
what points in your description you most do not cause any emotion;
in which moments of your body reacts tears, excitement, fear, or even anger. No matter what, this will be an emotion, even if you can not call it, but your body in response to the memory meets any discomfort, check it for yourself. It is better to highlight these moments marker.
As a result, at this point you should see firsthand not only at what point there are certain emotions, but also a stimulus caused them. It can be anything: someone's word, the smell, the picture before his eyes, own thought
For example, one of my clients for the first time felt a keen sense of helplessness, when in early childhood she was tied to medical chair to cut the tonsils. This feeling came at the very moment when the doctor tightened the bandages. The feeling of stiffness in the hands haunted her most of her life. For some, it was just an unpleasant operation, but for my client it became a psychological trauma, to reflect in all its subsequent life.
By and large, you need to find the birth of haunting you heartache and determine what exactly was the birth of this.
Step 2: Search for opportunities and ways to release any jammed feelings and state
You are much more than your injury
release emotional pain
In fact, this step you can take from several minutes to several weeks. All exclusively depends on your capacity to show real experiences in the form of specific actions, deeds, words and emotions. I used the word "real" because sometimes pent-up emotions can be transformed into other states and feelings that a person sees in himself and draws attention to them as negative. So, for depression is often (but not always!) Lies unexpressed acceptable way of aggression that so soon you will not see for a miserable and depressed person.
At this stage, we just will investigate its true original meaning, that we are stuck in. To do this you need to go back into your memory. At the very beginning of the events that we have already started to disassemble. And I ask you to begin to live in his memory is the memory in chronological order, as you did in the first step. However, this time we will correct your little memory. Every time you approach the most emotional moments of his heavy events, stop and think:
How I want to answer? Received? DO? Respond?
And only then, when the undecided, manifest in his mind the reaction of all possible force. In the therapeutic process I actively connect to the body work. If a person want to scream - he cries when fight - he's fighting, to speak - he speaks. It operates one rule: "how painful, irritating stimuli came, many people have to give answers and responses to these stimuli." Suffice rigorous and intensive work.
One of my clients was going through difficult divorce. A little more than two years, her marriage broke up, but it seemed stuck in time. She lived as though the divorce is still going on.
When we started to work with it, we noticed that she dutifully listened to a lot of negative comments and accusations from her husband. Perhaps it was because it is easier, but in a poor state of their family entirely, he accused his wife. Fairly tortured woman was silent, tears, apologized and promised to change. However, inside it is a huge storm of indignation boiled. In fact, it was how to respond to her husband. But the fear of being alone and hope that you can fix it, forced her to keep quiet.
First of all, we have decided that there is no chance really. It's been more than two years. Divorce is an official and physically. They do not live together anymore. He went to another family. So it makes sense to look at what stuck in her mind, and still relentlessly worries. At first timidly, then more and more boldly at me fell out in a stream of words is a huge pain of a woman living alone in the deep in his own family. She was able to express and express all the criticisms, observations, hopes, feelings, thoughts. All I wanted to say at that moment her husband. And as soon as the last words vanished into thin air, there was silence. Take a deep breath and, "I now it seems that the divorce - it was in the first place for me right decision" ... Is it worth noting that on started a completely different story
I will share with you one more treatment, which for me at that time was one of the toughest in professional and personal terms:
Most still young to the young man had a chance to meet with the tragic death of a loved one. He stoically endured the news of the death, burial, and three years later in life. Friends and family admired the endurance of his spirit. To me, he turned to a specialist in psychosomatic medicine. He was tormented by severe headaches, and they only intensified even more over time. Medications did not help much.
We started with the fact that just started listening to the pain that thunder with increasing force clashed with a characteristic bang on the entire inner surface of the skull. The pain was growing, pulsing and beating. Rise ... I throbbed and beat ... When you listen to his illness, but rather a feeling that is associated with it, will certainly come to its top to its peculiar birth of the timeline of our life story. There, in that place, maybe even in the very distant past, something else is going on, something in our inner world is not over yet, but we for some reason have lost their attention. Illness draws our attention to the past, we have helped to resolve to what it's time to end.
Very quickly, in one of the first hypnotic session, headache young man led to the only remaining conscious remembrance of that tragic period of his life. Then, once a familiar voice on the phone, talking about the death of the girl, he first felt a sharp kick in the head. Bright lightning flashed and rattled thought: "No! This can not be! "And then the fog ... fragments of thoughts that you need to pull yourself together ... And the memory receded, erasing any and all feelings and memories that could prevent him to control himself. Whenever a person stops the natural physical and mental processes in itself, he pays an exorbitant price of their health and, ultimately, their lives.
Trauma - is a natural process in which a person learns to cope with the unexpected, precarious and difficult situation for him. My client in order to look decent, able to stop the emotional pain. But even deeply hidden, she found loopholes and manifested itself in the form of headache.
Three consecutive therapy sessions alone resounding "No!" Rang in my office. Slugger punching the wall. Poured malicious claims for death and hatred to all those who are still alive so carefree. Literally from the insides of the human vomit came refusing to accept in their lives so blatant, totally incomprehensible injustice. This hysterical for some time yet continued until at one point not gushed tears ... and excessive grief spilled vast deep ocean before our eyes:
- How do I do now? How am I going to be? - Quietly weeping people ...
- Be my good, be ... - a timid whisper in the second cycle ...
We worked together for a little more than eight months. During this time the headache gradually went away, reconciling my client with the reality in which, unfortunately, there is a place by this loss.
This step on the path to healing trauma is the most difficult. No I do not recommend the place alone. But if you do decide, living his injury in his inner world competently, adding to their memories of all the nuances that I have described above. In fact, I'm not asking you to change memories. But I beg to supplement them with all the hidden, unrevealed, that was born and has been the place to be ... No matter how big and deep the injury was, she was just a part of you, your smaller part. You are always more and more means.
My dear reader, at times, it is not easy to live in this white light. Я только лишь желаю Вам никогда не закрываться в себе, не отчаиваться и не отталкивать всех тех, кто рядом, кто любит и готов помочь. Не стыдитесь и не бойтесь принимать любую помощь от друзей и профессионалов. Ведь если сегодня не пережить свою боль, рискуешь в конце жизни осознать, что только ею и жил, что только ее всю дорогу свою вкушал и смаковал! Не слишком ли высокая цена? Разве наша жизнь (и жизнь тех, кто связан с нами) не стоит хотя бы небольших усилий, чтобы разрешить страдания, исцелить сердце и облегчить свою душу?!
Автор: Надежда Резникова