"Tough Talk" How to talk about the complex and not quarrel

How not to go too far in razgovoreTyazhёly conversation, no matter with whom - with friends, family or with your partner, maybe because one wrong step to become a full-scale battle. Here are four ways to steer the conversation in a productive direction, and will save the situation from failure.

Align and edit your mysliPsiholog John Gottman - an expert on relationships. It helps people to discuss the potentially explosive themes and ideas in a constructive way, using two methods called "alignment" and "edit" for a more thorough revision of their own ideas of customers.




person with whom you are trying to communicate, you may well know, but still he was not psychic. Carry out "alignment" - is simply to share with someone their point of view. It enriches the context of communication and identify common ground.

The easiest way to "align" boils down to, to start a sentence with the phrase "I feel ...". This virtually guarantees that you will not blame yourself, and that does not take in something to blame the interlocutor.

Not everything that comes to mind, you should speak. Yes, it can be very tempting - to move the source said all that you have in mind, but in most cases this is detrimental to communicate, or at least not too helpful. Because "edit" their thoughts. Remove the parts of your ideas, the purpose of which - to offend or upset companion, and leave something that will allow the conversation to be meaningful (for example, for some time do not bring new arguments).

Write down your ideas ideiKogda you record, you can separate them from their emotions and to consider different points of view. All this makes it easier to express their ideas and successfully bring them to the interlocutor.




Founder and Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos makes his team members prior to meetings to write six pages of notes. This enables them to constructively discuss complex topics.

The idea is that no one can write six pages on any subject without careful consideration of this subject.

Of course, this technique can not be used in all situations. However, when you analyze your own thoughts and feelings, this technique can help, because when you write something, then it is necessarily contemplating. You can even start to keep a diary. So you will be able to remember what you felt in the past, and see whether you have a finished pattern, with which you in the past to deal with these emotions.

Supports the idea of ​​another chelovekaPredstavlyayte itself only one part of the equation. After a constructive dialogue - a two-way street. So listen carefully to what you said the source. Confirming his thoughts to the interlocutor knew that his words for you - not an empty hot air.

And when you speak for yourself, consider their views separately from the point of view of the interlocutor. If the interviewee does not understand you, try to soften the statements and make its purpose clearer.






If in doubt, reset tempChuvstvuya that the situation is heating up, take time out for a few seconds to cool down. Consider carefully what goes whole conversation that tells the other person that is in fact a subject of discussion, and whether you are articulate their thoughts more constructively.




uschestvuet a lot of methods to slow down the conversation. The writer and marketer Mauricio Estrella offers a simple technique, which consists in the fact that by continuing the conversation, briefly turn away from each other, and then "continue from where you left off. With the same energy. This easy to imagine that you are still arguing with his companion, as if a pause in the conversation was not. And see how the miracle. With this method, we learn a lot about themselves and about each other ».

Once the conversation becomes unconstructive, use the technique of Estrella to direct dialogue in a constructive direction.

Communication - is an art. It is important to be able to slow it down so that the opportunity to add context and properly formulate their thoughts. Write down ideas, to think about them before talking about them. Listen and support the idea of ​​interlocutors. Do everything to avoid harsh criticism, contempt, defensive behavior and obstruction. And if the conversation became disgusting and totally unhelpful, ask to go back to the original topic.

via lifehacker.com/four-ways-to-make-difficult-serious-conversations-more-1691115976

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