FORGIVENESS BEGINS IN US

Real forgiveness requires that we understand a few important things in life.



In dealing with others and friends can often see that people hardly forgive, long hold a grudge and keep them in memory caused resentment. The meaning of forgiveness is not to forget what happened, or to agree with him, but the fact that we realized: Yes, we have something hurt, but we are ready to open a new page in relations.


Real forgiveness requires that we understand a few important things in life.

People around ourselves are imperfect
To forgive, we must understand that all people err, err, offend or hurt others - including accidental and unintended. Through forgiveness, we tell ourselves that accept themselves and others as people of flesh and blood and do not wait on anybody ideal behavior. We understand that people do not always do what we are waiting for them, and not always in line with our expectations (which are often out of touch with reality) and that, in life, we are often disappointed.

The realization that people, even the closest, do not always know what we want or what we need, and they do not have the ability to guess our feelings motivate us to to take responsibility with regard to the same. And the need to invest a part of yourself, and do not expect anything from others and blame them. Only the accused, we refuse to see their role in the situation. It should also be flexible and not to insist on his opinion constantly let go of control and realize that not everything always depends on us.

The ability to take responsibility for their lives and for the development of relations with close reflected in the fact that people invest in them and learn to express themselves and their needs for another painless.

Anger - a significant emotion
Under the anger often lurk other emotions and feelings that we do not see or do not express, for example, is a very strong resentment or deep pain. We must understand that we hurt and be able to express it. "I hurt it" instead of "Are you not all right." The latter phrase will cause resistance and counterattack was led by another person, while the first statement would give the opportunity to understand what he felt, and why did this to us.

When we talk and we feel that we understand each other, we are calm, because we see that the other side cares about our feelings and she tries to understand them - and this is, in fact, is exactly what we need. If, due to a quarrel people come to such a dialogue, it can bring them closer together and create a confidential atmosphere instead of exclusion, resentment and desire for revenge.

To be able to listen and empathize
To truly forgive, you must know how to listen, not only to declare what we want. Hear another means to give him the opportunity to explain its position, without interrupting him, not thinking all the time about the claims that we are going to present, we do not constantly trying to assert their opinions and prove that we are right in the conflict more and more intelligent than the other. Listen - it's really hard to be configured to come to an understanding.

We need to agree that each of the parties had the opportunity to speak and be fully heard. Also, each participant of the conflict it is useful to repeat what was said by another person, to make sure he really understood his words correctly.

Empathy - the ability to understand what the other party feels, to put yourself in another's shoes and try to understand his point of view from this perspective. This does not negate the feelings or point of view of the first side. However, empathy allows you to go beyond your own emotions and see what other people have different feelings, they have a different experience and they interpret the situation differently.

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Understand what is important
Stubbornness and manic desire to prove who is right, we do not pull together and do not contribute to the development of relations. We need to understand what is more important: to obtain a certificate that is we are right in the dispute, or to keep the relationship and come to an understanding, agreement and rapprochement. There are people who seek to control others and can not let go of control and realize that there can be power over the feelings and behavior of another person.

To be able to quarrel
Even during an argument, it is important to remember that the one who now stands before us - a loved one, but not the enemy, and that in any conflict there are limits, red lines for which you can not go. We do not want to hurt, humiliate or crush the other person. This is, as we say, and what tone, is also important. Even though disagreements and anger have a way to reach agreement and solve problems in a way that will strengthen the relationship, not destroy them.

The words stick in the memory, and they are often given to echo long after. Notice what words you use, and whether to maintain a respectful behavior during the dispute or conflict. As we say to children: sometimes we are angry, but we always love them. Remember this when someone from the family or close infuriate you next time.

The question of interpretation
We often interpret other people's behavior from their point of view, and we believe that it is the ultimate truth, not understanding and not allowing the other party to explain. We instill a definite opinion about the motives of the conduct of another person and are confident that there is no other option. Byron Katie in his "method of operation" to talk about such stories, interpretations, we tell ourselves, and offering to ask the question: is this true?

Allow the other person and talk. Do not make final decisions without having to listen to it and understand through. There is a chance that you are wrong, that there was a misunderstanding. Sometimes our perception of the situation turns out to be false. We hasten to reach a verdict and to draw conclusions that are often wrong, while you must first hear a different interpretation.

Release anger
Sometimes we think that if we continue to get angry, we thus "punish" the other person. But in fact we cause harm only to themselves, keeping in hostility. Anger - a poison in the body, which poisons us. Exemption from his life easier and allows us to live with joy. There are many methods and techniques for this, and should learn to take good care of yourself and your feelings.

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Personal example
It is important that we teach their children to deal with negative emotions and resolve conflicts peacefully. Relations between people are made up of many elements and are rarely simple. You have to understand that sometimes there is a mismatch of desires and needs, sometimes there are misunderstandings and sometimes we hurt. Our example will teach children better cope with conflicts in the family.

We like the adults have the opportunity to take a sober look at the situation, to see a man standing in front of us, and accept the fact that we are imperfect. Criticism is not conducive to the improvement of relations and only weakens the other. Accuses the tone does not lead to positive changes and does not come close to understanding. When we speak openly about themselves and their feelings, we actually take responsibility for its role in the relationship, and we are ready to motivate their loved ones and be sincere.

There are people who see an apology as a blow to the ego and self-humiliation, although it is actually quite the opposite! Ask for forgiveness from another person can only be a strong person, the ability to recognize their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions. When a person is confident in who he is and what he is, when he knows his dignity, he is also able to recognize that he was wrong and that offended someone, and it's not a blow to self-esteem.

Those who are near, it will be much greater appreciation and respect we have for this capability and will build a relationship based on openness, trust and mutual understanding. And what could be better than that? It is written, "Err - human characteristic, to forgive - divine."