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The wise do not forgive anyone, and demanding — not all and not immediately
Bashny.Net
Forgiveness is the withdrawal of claims and charges, the cessation of resentment and anger in the direction of the first fault. Forgiveness is peace. It is a world for itself, and the ad world to the one you were angry.
Note: your forgiveness is not omnipotent. If you are "not forgiven", it is not obvious that the person up over it, and if you "forgave", it is not necessary that a person after my heart feel better. People are still fairly Autonomous beings, and their experiences do not only depend on us, our words and our attitude, but also from the inner attitude of the person. If the one who is wrong, feels guilty in front of us, that forgiveness usually reduces its experiences. However, if the experiencing person more versed with yourself, then your forgiveness is for him a key role does not play.
Ninety three million nine hundred ninety eight thousand five hundred fifty four
However, the main questions about "forgiveness" sound: "do All to forgive and How to forgive?"We'll try to answer them.
Always possible to forgive? All to forgive?The issue is very complex because it is constantly confused two different meaning — behavioral and mental. Someone, talking about forgiveness, thinking about his experience ("I have Forgiven or not forgiven? Left hurt or not?"), and someone else- about how to behave now ("to Forgive him or to the house not to start?"). You can forgive a behavioral, but not mentally. "Well, come on in!"(a resentment in his heart left). You can forgive mentally, but not behavioral. "I understand you and don't hate you, but I realized that such relations do not suit me. We break up, don't call me again". The result, call it in different words: behavioral forgiveness and emotional forgiveness.
Emotional forgivenessThe wisest, the most sane people in the shower will not forgive anyone — exactly because they do not blame anyone. Forgiveness is the withdrawal of claims and charges, the cessation of resentment and anger... And why start claims and accusations? Why fall in resentment and anger? Wise people do not, so they forgive no one.
Remember, as it was taught in the Dhammapada? "He insulted me, he struck me, he defeated me, he robbed me." Those who harbors such thoughts, hatred does not stop. "He insulted me, he struck me, he defeated me, he robbed me." Those who are not fraught with such thoughts hatred ends. For never in this world hatred does not cease by hatred, but lack of hatred stops it..."
The wise soul is pure from anger and resentment, but how to come? Because of the peaks of spiritual development of people achieve not all and not immediately, it is wise to put a more realistic goal: don't get stuck in their grievances and accusations, to forgive faster and easier.
Just be warned — all of these methods work only for those people who are with their feelings to somehow cope and know how to use the mind. If you live in a different philosophy and you similar questions in a reasonable manner it is impossible to solve, you prefer to turn to your unconscious and to talk with their feelings, then you have the situation more difficult.
However, it is not always their grievances and serdechki need to hide and not always from them should immediately be freed. The fact that some people react only to the language of feelings. They do not understand normal requests and calm words, and until I see tears, or at least serious offense and disorder — they do not respond. So, in such cases need to be offended/angry, grudge holding and not forgive at once... If poeticise (for men) or offense (for girls) appropriate and will be helpful for the prospects of good relations, then — why Yes?
In the film "Love and doves" the man family money allowed to pigeons. How old was angry with his wife? 4 minutes? Do you think this will give the desired result? Looks like there will be enough...
Behavioral forgivenessIf to speak not about the soul, not about the experience, and the behavior, the situation is quite different.
If you have people asking forgiveness for some little thing (like, I'm sorry that I accidentally pushed), then you have to forgive him, and safely expect that this person will try not to push. Total: trivia educated people forgive easily. If we are not talking about the little things, then the question becomes more difficult.
It is important to understand that "forgiveness" or "forgiveness" is only an instrument of influence, which in some cases works, in some not. Here and try: if it's on a specific person is valid, use. If not valid, and is not limited by.
Some people do anything to forgive useless, because their goodbye or not goodbye, it won't change anything. This, for example men are alcoholics, or men-Sluts in his philosophy, it's a girl, loving a life and not familiar with what is the conscience — the list continue to themselves. For them to ask for forgiveness means nothing, as your "forgiveness" or "forgiveness."
If sober, he asked for forgiveness, and tomorrow again comes to drunk — more likely to forgive it. Forgiveness should not become a magnanimous accustomed to impunity, so — to part. Or more like don't mess.
Such people can be treated only as a natural disaster — or to wild animals, where only the muzzle or training. With them better not to deal at all, but if you have already contacted, then just try to minimize the damage from them. Throughout.
I hope to share it with other people: smart and decent. And the more people live as people, the more important it is for them against other decent people. Accordingly, the more decent people around you and the more you have authority, the more important for them to ask if necessary, you have forgiveness and asking to receive. For them it is internally important. Your forgiveness should be balanced. Therefore, reasonable and demanding people forgive not all, not always and certainly not immediately.
How to determine when and whom to forgive, and when — before, and you just can't? The easiest and most reliable indicator is the quality of asking for forgiveness. The more thoughtful and responsible request for forgiveness, the faster the person can be forgiven. If the person realized his mistake, made amends, made all the necessary conclusions for the future — what more do you need? Total: reasonable people forgive guilt or resentment if the other person clear way, apologized and made up for it.
And when wise people are bound to forgive? In those cases, if angry is impractical. Indeed, if you continue the claim and resentment is pointless, if still this will not achieve anything, why? Resentment and anger Granat soul. Learn to keep your soul clean!
Repeat the main idea of this article is to forgive — it is beautiful and noble. And even better — not to get into a situation where we have to forgive, because forgiveness implies that the person in front of you is to blame. But why are you accusing him of? Wiser to live in principle without charges, taking people and situations for what they are, without (including, if necessary, tough) decisions about people and situations, but — no offense and accusations. Just in case. Then forgive nobody should.published
Author: Nikolay Kozlov
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/mudrye_lyudi_ne_proschayut_nikogozpt_a_trebovatelnye_-_ne_vseh_i_ne_srazu
Note: your forgiveness is not omnipotent. If you are "not forgiven", it is not obvious that the person up over it, and if you "forgave", it is not necessary that a person after my heart feel better. People are still fairly Autonomous beings, and their experiences do not only depend on us, our words and our attitude, but also from the inner attitude of the person. If the one who is wrong, feels guilty in front of us, that forgiveness usually reduces its experiences. However, if the experiencing person more versed with yourself, then your forgiveness is for him a key role does not play.
Ninety three million nine hundred ninety eight thousand five hundred fifty four
However, the main questions about "forgiveness" sound: "do All to forgive and How to forgive?"We'll try to answer them.
Always possible to forgive? All to forgive?The issue is very complex because it is constantly confused two different meaning — behavioral and mental. Someone, talking about forgiveness, thinking about his experience ("I have Forgiven or not forgiven? Left hurt or not?"), and someone else- about how to behave now ("to Forgive him or to the house not to start?"). You can forgive a behavioral, but not mentally. "Well, come on in!"(a resentment in his heart left). You can forgive mentally, but not behavioral. "I understand you and don't hate you, but I realized that such relations do not suit me. We break up, don't call me again". The result, call it in different words: behavioral forgiveness and emotional forgiveness.
Emotional forgivenessThe wisest, the most sane people in the shower will not forgive anyone — exactly because they do not blame anyone. Forgiveness is the withdrawal of claims and charges, the cessation of resentment and anger... And why start claims and accusations? Why fall in resentment and anger? Wise people do not, so they forgive no one.
Remember, as it was taught in the Dhammapada? "He insulted me, he struck me, he defeated me, he robbed me." Those who harbors such thoughts, hatred does not stop. "He insulted me, he struck me, he defeated me, he robbed me." Those who are not fraught with such thoughts hatred ends. For never in this world hatred does not cease by hatred, but lack of hatred stops it..."
The wise soul is pure from anger and resentment, but how to come? Because of the peaks of spiritual development of people achieve not all and not immediately, it is wise to put a more realistic goal: don't get stuck in their grievances and accusations, to forgive faster and easier.
Just be warned — all of these methods work only for those people who are with their feelings to somehow cope and know how to use the mind. If you live in a different philosophy and you similar questions in a reasonable manner it is impossible to solve, you prefer to turn to your unconscious and to talk with their feelings, then you have the situation more difficult.
However, it is not always their grievances and serdechki need to hide and not always from them should immediately be freed. The fact that some people react only to the language of feelings. They do not understand normal requests and calm words, and until I see tears, or at least serious offense and disorder — they do not respond. So, in such cases need to be offended/angry, grudge holding and not forgive at once... If poeticise (for men) or offense (for girls) appropriate and will be helpful for the prospects of good relations, then — why Yes?
In the film "Love and doves" the man family money allowed to pigeons. How old was angry with his wife? 4 minutes? Do you think this will give the desired result? Looks like there will be enough...
Behavioral forgivenessIf to speak not about the soul, not about the experience, and the behavior, the situation is quite different.
If you have people asking forgiveness for some little thing (like, I'm sorry that I accidentally pushed), then you have to forgive him, and safely expect that this person will try not to push. Total: trivia educated people forgive easily. If we are not talking about the little things, then the question becomes more difficult.
It is important to understand that "forgiveness" or "forgiveness" is only an instrument of influence, which in some cases works, in some not. Here and try: if it's on a specific person is valid, use. If not valid, and is not limited by.
Some people do anything to forgive useless, because their goodbye or not goodbye, it won't change anything. This, for example men are alcoholics, or men-Sluts in his philosophy, it's a girl, loving a life and not familiar with what is the conscience — the list continue to themselves. For them to ask for forgiveness means nothing, as your "forgiveness" or "forgiveness."
If sober, he asked for forgiveness, and tomorrow again comes to drunk — more likely to forgive it. Forgiveness should not become a magnanimous accustomed to impunity, so — to part. Or more like don't mess.
Such people can be treated only as a natural disaster — or to wild animals, where only the muzzle or training. With them better not to deal at all, but if you have already contacted, then just try to minimize the damage from them. Throughout.
I hope to share it with other people: smart and decent. And the more people live as people, the more important it is for them against other decent people. Accordingly, the more decent people around you and the more you have authority, the more important for them to ask if necessary, you have forgiveness and asking to receive. For them it is internally important. Your forgiveness should be balanced. Therefore, reasonable and demanding people forgive not all, not always and certainly not immediately.
How to determine when and whom to forgive, and when — before, and you just can't? The easiest and most reliable indicator is the quality of asking for forgiveness. The more thoughtful and responsible request for forgiveness, the faster the person can be forgiven. If the person realized his mistake, made amends, made all the necessary conclusions for the future — what more do you need? Total: reasonable people forgive guilt or resentment if the other person clear way, apologized and made up for it.
And when wise people are bound to forgive? In those cases, if angry is impractical. Indeed, if you continue the claim and resentment is pointless, if still this will not achieve anything, why? Resentment and anger Granat soul. Learn to keep your soul clean!
Repeat the main idea of this article is to forgive — it is beautiful and noble. And even better — not to get into a situation where we have to forgive, because forgiveness implies that the person in front of you is to blame. But why are you accusing him of? Wiser to live in principle without charges, taking people and situations for what they are, without (including, if necessary, tough) decisions about people and situations, but — no offense and accusations. Just in case. Then forgive nobody should.published
Author: Nikolay Kozlov
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/mudrye_lyudi_ne_proschayut_nikogozpt_a_trebovatelnye_-_ne_vseh_i_ne_srazu
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