Admiral's mouth

Excerpts from the statements of one of the famous Russian admirals. Colorful man, apparently And, most importantly, all "on you." In keeping with the style of

"Do not be bashful to pull yubchonku knees, Comrade Captain 1st rank, when you come to the assistance of the venereal diseases. Tell me how you managed in such a good and necessary things as the reception of the delegation sponsorship, arrange a drunken orgy with train-kami on the commander's boat in winter bay with preventive granatometaniem?

Unfortunately, the level of general education of most captains not allow them not only without a hitch read compiled the most brisk subordinate commander's decision in the sea battle, but also the right to put the indefinite article "b ... qb" in the phrase "Who is the last of the vodka." < br />
The division commander, do not leave unattended the great country of abortion. This I tell you about the destroyer "Rastoropny" I say.

When I start from the proletarian ruthlessness thoughtful treat commander of the cruiser, they immediately begin to break down in front of me the Japanese tragedy: his father - rickshaw, mother - Geisha son - Moshe, and we - the innocent.

Knowledge of our commanders no, so they have to allow for independent control of the ship and by the rusk and prepare to prison.

If about famous actress is no longer say that it is - b ... rd, then - it is losing popularity. If a subordinate commander in conversation with each other at least sometimes called asshole, then it is time to dismiss.

A former commander of the RRC "Marshal Ustinov" all I could do - have committed: cruiser disorganized, with the Petersburg police friends, went to the academy, an apartment from the state by illegal means fished. So I do not have commented vat all the advantages of this amazing man.

With me seriously and really happy, because this is what most of our captains in the event of a global nuclear war, you can safely rely. None of them go crazy, because for this it should at least be at least.

You - the chief of staff of a brigade, cheeks her gather in the cam and not breathing, lustfully write my clever ideas, but in the end, when I'm done, you can squeak - let Comrade vice-admiral, not a training plan - and four. < br />
I was literally shocked when when attempting to call himself the commander of Russia's largest warship ran into an answering machine. The division commander, remember word for word, then that bastard will pass under the post - it's about people like him, the people composed ditty: "I Milenka whole evening, I could not catch any way. Dear answering machine tell that he - asshole ".

If the commander of the ship in the morning to call on the carpet, to tell him everything, everything that we have of him - the bastard think the uphill naval flag it blows very inspired, with a twinkle in his eyes and a determined desire to share his emotions-functional lift with his subordinates .

You do, of course, sorry fellow officers, but I can not share about their everyday concerns. Then, to see me come to share his personal tragedy as young-at one of our Exec. From the side, like, a very decent officer and serves Bu organized quite well, and in fact, premature baby - can not in any way bring the seed to the house without spilling on the road.

These little nasties that make life unbearable any commander, but extremely interesting, we - staff officers must constantly implement.

Any commander only deserves credit when will be able to make the lives of their subordinates miserable.

Honestly, sometimes I feel ashamed when I hear the voice of some especially zealous captains, Dorval to "button" microphone pyatikilovat-term broadcast on the upper deck. They have, that no word, then - a vile cursing. Well, just like small children.

The division commander, if you now need to someone to pull out of the captains, then you have a full five minutes - no need to restrain the soul great gusts. If you need - I'm ready to turn away.

There are people who under 3 years head hold could not, all around talking about what is about to die, and they have not only survived, but also cruisers command on-Chali enemies to joy, and to us - to the disappointment.

How far it can go to the one who was sent away? The answer is - to the nearest tavern. That's where the commandant of the garrison was arrested while having a senior majoring squadron operations officer Captain 2 rank Davidenko, who I am for 50 minutes before expelled from the official meeting of the vile, three-day stubble. One happy - during which time he even had time to shave. Truth and get drunk - too.

Well, you, Comrade Captain 3rd rank as a schoolgirl - Smolyanka, red and crumpled front of a map, trying something plaintive hum? Is elders do not tell you what a real man just shy of twice in my life? The first time, when it can not a second time, and the second time - when not the first time?

Honest child does not love his mother and father, and rolls with cream. An honest man does not want to serve, and to sleep. For this it is necessary to force the service.

And after all the tedious and repetitive work the client begins to get used to the idea that the money will have to pay. But the client is accustomed to another, used in large, disorderly, with delight.

Nepuganye sailor located outrages it - a potential criminal, the future murderers and rapists.

Remember, fellow officers, to do nothing, you should be able to do everything.

If the chief allow his subordinates to say what they think, they soon completely forget how to think.

Before you set out to their subordinates any sensible thoughts, they must be certainly something dumbfound and stun, but desirable - something pouvesistee. To their shock from the pain temporarily lost the ability to talk without thinking about the meaning of what was said. And if you repeat this procedure periodically, the honorable status of a skilled leader, you are guaranteed for life.

For all the negative phenomena of the ships are usually normal people, whose activities are not subject to control by the command.

This is not yet clear that chastity - the most unnatural sexual perversion, and that the officer is not able to adequately virgin delve into the nuances of naval service.

And their pindyurochnye compact notebook, which can fit two or three condoms, and three or four addresses frivolous women leave home, fellow officers, hide them securely from their wives in order to avoid provocative questions. And the service you should use cataloged, numbered, bound and sealed with mastic printing large-format workbook.

And all the chilling facts must be carefully collect, compile correctly, thoughtfully analyze, and - on the tonsils, with a special cynicism, boldness and hardness penetration. Humanism and humanity in maintaining combat readiness - things have criminal by definition.

You, Comrade Captain rank 2 is different from the size of a child's reproductive organs and the ability to guzzle vodka in unlimited amounts.

It's time to remember that every sailor undisciplined planning AWOL with booze on the beach, discovers advance: who will be on duty on the ship; who - officer of the watch; who is a senior; who - provides; Who - the bastard will take away from the commandant; who will face to beat. And if in this circuit there is one weak link - booze is possible, and if a few - it is inevitable.

Still, I was pleased with the results of the reference check of the preparation of our AMG (multipurpose carrier battle groups) to fulfill the upcoming combat missions, which we perpetrate Navy Commander with a punitive detachment of true nokors of the General Staff. Lost Illusions - is also a valuable asset.

And activists arrested for driving while intoxicated, Comrade Chief of Staff, is necessary to understand very thoroughly and always - with the assistance of an independent commission. That they then did not run to the courts with bulging bulging eyes and filled up an international commission of the United Nations Human Rights numerous complaints they have, say, eight children huddled on the benches and money on a bottle of beer is not enough.

If you have a hole in half a head and you can not even remember the multiplication table, then hire yourself a part-time secretary, it is for you to write everything down. But - it is terrible and no legs, so as not to be distracted from the duties of military service, indulging in sexual daydreams.

Today - Saturday, tomorrow - Sunday, damn wants to work.

They write us a lot ... to destroy us universal literacy.

Stomach in, assume a dignified air, to talk smart and well-understood higher command beautiful words chopped phrases.

If a sailor thoughtlessly enjoying life, then I tighten up as long as a smile slowly will not slide off his face.

Tanks bedbugs do not press, I will not even talk to you, Comrade Captain 3rd rank.

Of course I am pleased to open your eyes to the world, to talk about something new and exciting, excites while your inquisitive naval mind, but I - not a visiting lecturer at the society "Knowledge", I - a significant representative of the great Inquisition, and I can make it hurt immediately all.

Do not forget, if I will head there, it will be the trip of your bodies on a tank with small tracks, make it harder.

When I was a First Lieutenant, then on Monday, I personally, for 45 minutes, during drill sessions, trained officers on watch posts on the principle: "He runs an unknown man with a spear - your actions?"

Chief of Staff of the Navy yesterday scolded me with harsh words with the involvement of profanity that caused in my soul a sense of inner protest and resentment.

I had noticed that our squadron man of law to return from vacation and tries the province "Pripyat radiant" I regale, the Chernobyl apples treat. It is seen wants my main body glowed and fell forever.

Now, gently taking me at the gangway under the white ruchenki and cheerfully tsokaya hooves, you are proud to have lead me to their superintendence after the removal of my remarks.

To come back from vacation - Fascinating, immediately catches the eye strange things, impossible and incompatible with military service at sea. And in my head for a long time strongly itching is one and the same thought: "Why do we still have not burned and drowned," but after a couple of days you get used willy-nilly to the outrages, though, is not twitch during sleep time.

A Mate heavy missile cruiser "Admiral Ushakov" insolent to the point that ugly report wrote to the commander of the Northern Fleet with the request to protect him from my attacks and insults. This is never forgotten - I do, but this report will try it, even put in a coffin.

"Bay Babu hammer - is a woman with gold & quot; - Says the proverb. The same can be said about our paratroopers. The only thing to remember is not to beat on the head - it is useless, and the tool quickly fails.

As usual, our sailor unusually curious and extremely shalovliv. Running down the hall of Russia's only aircraft carrier, he mindlessly poked its im dirty finger with a fingernail bitten pretty unsealed button on the device, and heard a loud bang behind the bulkhead and the sound of running water, happily jumped up and rushed to the bread room to steal oil. What did he care about that for a few seconds, he knocked out once more than a hundred of the best in the world of anti-aircraft missiles "air-air", for each of which the once brotherly Ukraine fights with us on the best international standards in excess of one hundred thousand dollars.

This is not clear that when I begin to characterize the activity of any officer, he has smartly replied, "I", quickly get up and turn scarlet. Moreover, if the assessment of its activities is positive, then the eyes should joyfully shine and express non-slow readiness for further achievements, but if performance is assessed as generally negative, then he ought ruffled the ears, to them it was easier to get, and eyes guiltily droop down.

Young officers - graduates of naval institutions rightly earned in this harsh environment naval nickname "schoolgirl", vulnerable like children, just do not cry, burying her face in Mommy's skirt, and drink vodka in the society of local moths.

The officer has to be constantly in a state of emotional vzdryuchennosti, nose to the wind, fly was open, ready for immediate action - increased. Then - because it will be a good judge.

I remind the flagship professionals wishing to avoid the night of rape that the monthly analysis of the preparation of the compounds of the profession must pass the initial-nick Staff 15 hours 30 minutes.

The ship's officer is able to meet a woman for the night more than two times (in the rank of Captain of the 3rd rank and above - more than once) - a phenomenon harmful and socially dangerous and alien to us as not in the interest of the native state. He scoundrel, ship service is not enough, it is not laid out on it.

When you nod your head in accordance with a well-deserved thrashing at the time, I feel like saying: "My love do not trivialize their consent slave, bastard».

I want to congratulate the forthcoming marriage of our next Assistant Chief EW squadron, which in the 34 years is good for himself learned that after the marriage, maybe not better, but certainly - more.

When I talk to some of the operations officer of the squadron headquarters, and would like to advise: "Tell my father - was protected to continue».

When on Monday reported to me that some staff officer became ill and could not come to the service, you want to say, "Sneeze I wanted to chill your uncle. You face a hangover show ».

Here's a look at you in the smoking room, Comrade Captain 2 rank because you are there such passion daring and agile, well, just like Filippok of children's books, as well as give you my word on the service meeting the sweat repeatedly, scratching at least some sensible thoughts from your verbal abyss.

Do not leave a mechanic, you will find there in a jiffy.

Comrade Bonchenko and your arrival from St. Petersburg with training over the fact that the youngest infusoria - shoe with RRC "Marshal Ustinov" with the rank of lieutenant intercede administrative duty according to our operational units and in the morning I met with a tremor in her voice and wild fear on his face. I sent him to the right place (ie - you), and he burst into tears, but chewing gum out of his mouth do not spit, do not disturb the acid-base balance in the oral cavity (RRC - missile cruiser).

If necessary, comrades staff officers, when carrying out final checks on the vehicle, you do not have to shun higher roll up our sleeves and dig in the muck in deeper for better lighting conditions. And you know - to dig in the muck is not a shame, a shame - enjoy it.

Staff Officer of the squadron should be able to talk long and clever, not stop until his superior officer.

And where the young associate chief of the organizational - mobilization department? My joy, then you should not sleep ukromkoy, hiding behind the broad back of the chief of air defense squadron, blowing rainbow bubbles and sit with mouth ajar, and you happily-heaving eyes frantically writing down my covenants Russian soldiers. It's so good for your fragile psyche and has not formed an active life position.

Comrade Bonchenko, but do not you remember my korefan, fled into the brigade headquarters to the post with a smaller amount of work, but greater official salary, gentle and tender words: "Who are you, bitch, love my cool, with whom Di mish cigarette one ? »

Where's the smartest person most intelligent representative of Operations Division comrade Davidenko? What - again fallen and can not get up?

When I call to him on the carpet Young Leninist - chief of the army and security services to military service, I am constantly asking myself the question - Do not plant my youngster.

And with cute smiles, with flowers in their buttonholes - he arrives at the headquarters of the nuclear missile cruiser "Admiral Nakhimov" and begins carefully planned genocide.

I know that you are - the demagogue rare, Comrade Captain 1st rank, and even able to convince the desperate need of the male affection lady that lying is much better standing member, but I do not even listen to the will. And if you try to interrupt me to speak, I immediately get on the forehead pood weights.

Your deeds decent education weary soldiers, comrade chief of air defense, known throughout the fleet - a gang of looters still the same.




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