Chamber №19 Bashny.Net

"-I Do not like the dead.
-What Love them? Love should be alive. "
"The Lower Depths." Gorky.

-Mamochka, Mom ... kill me please. Well, for what I tell you? I'm so even itself is not needed. - For the first time in the voice of Faith she said and paused, licked his dry lips. Even short-lived speech were terribly tiring for her.
His mother sat beside. She heard everything before a single word, but could not even react; just finished his cigarette and extinguished it on the sidewall overflowing ashtrays, standing on a nearby chair.

It was only after I learned the history of this family. At the same moment, a roulette dropping out of hand, quickly ran out of the room. I get to the toilet, washed with cold water for a long time, noticing the gaps in the mirror still crying face. That day I had to take for the future size of plastic windows in that room. Reassured, I went down to the parking lot in front of the center and was able to return to the measurement only sunglasses.

Regional Burn Center in Rostov-on-Don. No need to visit this place would have to be prohibited by law. From the very beginning, as soon as you are in a building, you begin to suck in the stomach, as soon as the first patient to meet even one of the "lucky" - as if somebody comes and starts to compress your Adam's apple; and when someone becomes simply unbearable to keep it tries to swallow his severe physical pain. But seeing these people cry does not work, you realize how they can respond to such self-pity. I went, №19. Here I am again with them in the House. Nobody noticed my arrival, but as a prompt disappearance of a few minutes ago.

Mother - absolutely distraught and heartbroken woman eaten, but it is clear that the once beautiful. Years it probably was about thirty, but solid tufts of gray hair; bags under the eyes the size of a prune and the same color; spiderweb capillaries in the whites of the eyes visible with stunning accuracy. Head myta not long ago, and at the back a greasy ponytail, tied with cheap rubber band. Pink stoletoshny sweater stretched to incredible sizes, propalinami cigarettes. The first few days it just to cut down on fatigue and falling asleep suddenly, often while smoking. Doctors joked - not slept burn center. In response, she could only apologize for not explaining themselves or intonation, or in meaning. Wrinkled tights with white stripes once on each side, but I found them gray, even closer to dark gray. Bright blue rubber Sandals on his bare feet, and I accidentally caught a glimpse, dirty toes.

She was also looking over his daughter's bed, or in a window, or in yourself. Over the past two weeks, it seems, he has exhausted all of its limit of nerve cells. It would be hard to envy her now. We sometimes like to think of myself in the skin of other people, what if I had a house like Nikifor Fedorovich, or wife like Michael Ignatyitch or press like Angelina Ivanovna. "This woman," any sane was used and the machine will not drive. The fate it has developed that's the way she was born, and before joining the Institute, she lived in a small village in the Rostov region. Was the only child in the family, always good, always obedient, to the delight of parents. Her parents in the lives of themselves saw nothing but nothing like as most residents Russian heartland. But Marina did not want to imagine the life of their carbon paper, though good, but boring and pointless. Since childhood, she loved people, almost all and even regaled local alcoholics from garden equipment than it could. She decided to enroll in Volgograd, a doctor. Parents reacted calmly. They generally always treated her without undue vigil, simply and sincerely loved and she was loved. All happy situation without excessive caresses and syusyukany.

She enrolled. Alphabet Of course, of course freedom. Wine, disco, sometimes marijuana. Only the guys she continued to treat with restraint, ie I keep them in reserve to themselves. It was the first in the village beauty, without even a hint of plumpness, was surprisingly slim. But then it happened that the guy she fell in love on the two courses over it. He reacted to it is not as serious as it, although he was nice and lasokv her. She became pregnant, and he transferred to another university. Marina tried to provoke a miscarriage, but failed. She returned to her parents, and they said - to give birth. She gave birth to a daughter, but she could not stand her. After an argument with her parents until she had left the child curses them, and she flew to the United States.

Meanwhile, the daughter grew up, and my mother would send gifts for birthdays and other important holidays. The old silent about the quarrel and constantly talking to her granddaughter that her mother will be here soon. In America, sometimes Marina began to miss her daughter, but remembering her father gets angry and hate both. And I stayed there for 10 years. Having Grinko, she began to visit their parents and daughter. Faith does not hate his mother knew, but I felt it. I felt somehow unconsciously. Her father married and had twins were born. Faith Sometimes he even stayed. He sought out when she was seven years old.

I stand in the House and watch the people his life touched a cruel finger. Opened notebook, as if something I write it. In fact, I just can not leave. Girl looks just awful, her absolutely no hair, it's all burnt. Long delay her opinion is unlikely to succeed. I work up the courage and asked his mother whether there is a picture of her. She looks at me in surprise, but tables pulls out of joint portrait, which six months maximum. She gently pulls him leaning his left knee on the floor, fleeting gazes at him and yell nervously throws against the wall. I even shudder of surprise. Then I pick it up and start to look at, placing it at the height of the belt; see how points are accumulated tears, then they begin to flow down her cheeks. What she was beautiful. Even more beautiful than her mother. Beautiful, beautiful girl of about thirteen. I put the portrait on the nightstand, I say goodbye and leave. Then he visited them several times, but the very first night, I can not forget, and unlikely to succeed.

Since childhood, I had a friend. In his youth, he bought Java, and I envied him. Then he broke it, and I stopped. Stopped at the same time believe in God. Would he be able to prevent such a thing? - I thought. I am already 37 years old, and I still remember it as if only yesterday we went to the Don. For a long time in my life was the time when the offer to pray I started to laugh hysterically, and left unanswered. I married late in tridtsatnik. Two years later, Annie was born, my joy, my darling. At the age of one and a half years, she was very seriously ill with pneumonia and was on the edge. That's when I realized that this is your own man, the one who called you here. I gave a ticket into this world and you, as no one else is responsible for this piece of yourself. Then I began to pray for her. Not so, I again believe that, but it was one of chance; and even the slightest chance in that situation, I could not perenebregat. I would not forgive myself. Fortunately, she recovered; and I do not care the reason - the result is important to me!

So on the night when he returned home, forgetting no roads, no traffic jams, absolutely nothing - I hurried to her little daughter; the threshold took her in his arms. The whole evening was playing with her, he dragged on his hands more than usual. She even noticed it and said Nina - ma and dad today, more affectionate than usual. This is because he loves you - said the wife. I also love him - she said, and kissed me on the right cheek; she was in my arms. I kissed her little fingers, until she began to complain that prick her bristle. We watched TV, and she sniffed in my arms. I nod to Nina showed the baby, she smiled and kissed her on the forehead. I carried her into the bedroom and hid and kissed her; I stood still for some time, and quietly left. God, how I love her! He told his wife about the hospital; she sobbed. We are not saying a word decided to help them as we can.

That cry of the Faith was the loudest since that day. In general, she could only whisper, and Marina had neck ached from constantly tilted position. In the House quietly played a song Spleen:
Anyone having a gun in the house
Equates to Kurt Cobain!
Anyone who can read between the lines
It is doomed to have a gun in the house!
This is what is reported from Vasilyev dtnamikov Boombox. Faith Girl interests, and it is already beginning to read, fascinated by Kafka, Palahniuk and Russian classics. Grandparents and against it were not, although in addition to newspapers in his life could not overpower anything. Listen to it Spleen, Crematorium, Sakura, bricks; because the more usual melancholic. She was visiting her father, but it does react as a child, the more were not very pleased her. And she was able to understand a lot more of it than expected. She realized that all his time was his father vtyagost.

-Ma - I whispered Faith, - and why daddy does not love me? I understand this. He even seemed I was ashamed, though I am beautiful. I'm a good daughter, Ma?
-Best! - Said Marina, the first time in a long time looking at her daughter. She had not seen it burnt freak. It was just the closest to her man on earth who does not have the appearance and eligible for the mutual contact surfaces soul. She even wanted was a pat on the head daughter, but the time has stopped, realizing that cause more suffering than affection.
-So Why did he not love me so? That is a way I was. I love him. She caught her breath-Ochen. and asked for water. - I would like to, and he loved me. Although I do not love him in the hope of mutual love, so that by itself. It's not even enough for mutual ...

I learned from the doctor (if you do not go into details with interest) that the life of this girl will remain, but will it remain such - it's really a question. A healing process will take a year or even longer. And most importantly - the reason! Is there a guarantee that it will not repeat again attempt? Another method, for example. Vrachitsa repeated my idea - a mother not to be envied, yes. Faith, on the mother's return to Russia, has become even more of it, but on its own initiative. Avoid constantly stung, sometimes even he mocked. Mother not really upset, just began to pay less attention to his daughter.

-And I do not like you! As you me!
For the first time this time as the Marina vspryanula from sleep. She stared at her daughter had informed the concentrated gaze.
Yeah, I do not like. You hate me, but I do not love you. And when we slept Uncle Igor, I knew you were fucking.
Shut up!
-I Already fucked Andrew from a neighboring village. I wanted to be like my mother - whore.
Marina in a fit of rage sprang from his chair and tried to hit her daughter's lips, but making out again wherever fell to blow helplessly fell to her knees beside the bed and began to weep loudly, burying her in a blanket.
-No ... I will die here. You once again have the bride of marriageable age: paint the bags will fall, dress shoes. Vkusnota. - And how could she smacked his lips.

Too late Marina realized for themselves the value of the daughter. Sometimes it is too blatantly neglected her. It was only many years later, looking back on his nomadic life to understand why trying to earn money to buy or build a home, to live for and why - the daughter! Faith has found his grandfather in the garage of a canister of petrol, went to the far corner of the garden and pouring themselves from head to toe burned. The roar was inhuman, the neighbors came running in second, it put out wrapped in an old blanket. It is incredibly moaned. From her wailing all around it became ill. Soul just vomited on the species and from the sounds of what is happening.
-That I can set fire to spite you. I thought maybe fall in love lost.
She lied. So Vera revenge for his mother's lonely childhood. She just decided that life toy. What is she, the lady herself, and can do with it as you like. She set fire to herself in even greater interest. "And what of it is?"
Neighbor dovёz them to the nearest town, where Vera spent days on a drip, without regaining consciousness. The next day the doctor came into the room and said to himself, but loud: "What, this is still alive?"
In response to the outbreak Marina cries pidaras fucking! Gandon! And I rushed to the doctor, hysterically beating him it was urine. She calmed, and in the evening from Volgodonsk they are sent to Rostov.

And while Marina calmed down again and again, smoked, even flicking ashes he himself when it was time to sprinkle. For a long time they still talk to each other today. Although unfortunately, communication are only a lot of monologues; at the same time.

© markin2wheels

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