Jokes (LOT) Bashny.Net

Teacher:
 - Over the country the sun rises. This is the beginning of something?
Little Johnny:
 - This is the beginning of 50 million hangover.

Condoms Colgate-plus. Their head is bent at an angle of 45 degrees, which allows them to penetrate into the most inaccessible places.

How difficult to live - do not sleep during the day, at night do not eat ...

Addict finishes the third jamb:
 - Oh, fly, fly!
Past crawling drunk:
 - Give and I Politayev!
 - Well ...
Drunk delayed once, twice ...
 - Something I'm not fucking fly ?!
 - A grant here! Born creep will not fly!

Husband and wife go to the car and fighting. Driving past a village, they suddenly see a couple of pigs. Wife:
 - Your relatives?
 - Yeah, mother-in-law with the father.

Warning, the city has a new Internet Service Provider!
Telephone 02. Date voice.
Logon "Cops».
Password: Goats!
Specially trained professionals will leave in place and will register you as
primary and secondary DNS on the most tomatoes ...

The US State Department sent a commission to Russia to find out - why hurricanes in Vorkuta and in Chukotka not cause the same devastation as in Florida. After lengthy proceedings, the Commission has found the secret: the mysterious Russian, it turns out, the house is not built from plywood and brick!

- You know that from the well even during the day, you can see the stars?
- It depends than gored.

From the transfer of animals:
"Rats are always amazed by its ability to adapt to the environment. They manage to live at a depth of several tens of meters in the mines, eating leftovers and feces miners. Miners often love animals and their feed ».

Husband and wife lie and watch "In the animal world." They show the saiga. Husband:
 - Honey, look, what is this creature a nasty face!
 - But what horns!
 - Honey, if I have such a horn, you will have the same face!

The car braked at customs.
 - Weapons? Drugs?
 - No, you!
Open the trunk - and there is Kalashnikov.
 - What is that ??!
 - Calculator.
 - How calculator! Now I have a calculator! (pulls out of his pocket).
 - Uh, your calculator to preliminary calculations, and my - for
final.

Dorgu where have you been?
Ran.
Strange T-shirt completely dry.
Fool, I ran to the women.

To walk in the evening the husband and wife and their dog suddenly see as a bright star falls. Each conceives his:
Husband - It would be nice that when she spoke to me with their conversation, I always felt as if she is on the per-minute billing.
Wife - It would be nice that when he crawled under my blanket, I never felt as if he is on the per-second billing.
Dog - not bad, not bad - what a wonderful car of the Leonid meteor shower! And they are damn-what they think ...

And that sent Alex:
There is a rabbit in the woods, and suddenly sees an owl sitting under a bush.
Hare asked her:
 - Owl, Why are you doing there under the bush?
 - I am not a night owl, I myyshka
 - I Th at cha such large eyes?
 - I kaaakayu ... (& gt; _