This occurred at the same time bespesdy gothic abasachnaya history in the early nineties. I was then years, commercials, thirteen. Just at that time on the TV screens of Mass began flickering ёbla superheroes. Chaknorisy, dzhekichany, Vandamme, Rambo and other lovers of nice to get a start, and then be sure to give non-acidic pizdyuley enemies and other detractors. But apart in this series was easy pendossky guy Dudikof Michael, he's fucking famous flaming American Ninja. Some of our citizens, this ninja sat down and took up a defensive perimeter of the tower so tightly that dick dig, probably to this day.
At the same time instructive and educational films about the collection points pizdyuley in grocery stores appeared alcoholic beverage "Kirillich." When his one-time use in the head such an arms race began, shtopesdets. And if huyarit this wonderful elixir of the time, visited the tower are cockroaches, the database histories of any yellow house seem teenage encyclopedia. Besides the fact that the nectar of the Gods "Kirillich 'property had brutally and often inadequate vyhlestyvat, he has another huge advantage - extremely cheap cost.
My neighbor at the glorious time, sewage worker by profession, a clown by vocation, an older, stocky little man Uncle Misha, quickly found a new sidekick "Kirillovitch" common language, rather, general, Uncle Misha throat. Breakfasted with him, I had lunch, dinner, and sometimes does not even have an afternoon snack, stsuko foodie in general has proved that. Because taste of this tangle-legs one its sting, Misha often go outside in bad state in search of, so to speak, adventure disasters and man-made disasters, me and my friend Dennis, tried not to miss its publication, which traditionally ended the most that neither is a reality show.
Somehow aimlessly wandering around the house, our eyepieces with Denis caught in the crosshairs buhogo ass Uncle Misha, for afternoon tea looked into "blue bar."
Because Misha worked assenizatorskaya car, we Denis continually removes it from the shaky peace of mind alone shout: "Govnocherpy! Govnocherpy coming! "It happened in the summer evening. However, the reaction Uncle Misha was not quite normal. He did not throw stones at us, made no attempt to catch up with us and did not fall, schesyvaya nose. He did not even call us bad words ...
... The day before, in the evening, on television showed a row just three of the "American Ninja". Apparently, for the film Uncle Misha was a revelation. For him, it was the equivalent effect of an exploded shell. HEAT projectile. That Misha and caught the projectile of its tower, as a result, it seems to have finally burned shell of its kind all kinds frontal armor.
- I am a son, not govnocherpy! - Suddenly he smiled a smile Brezhnev Uncle Misha - I - Ninja!
- Pussy, Uncle Misha, oh how pussy! What is the Ninjas of you? - Willingly entered into a dialogue Denis.
- And the most that neither is true! Trained! - Quickly entered the role of Uncle Misha and began zealously waving his arms in front of us, impressively presents us with a deadly martial art that we, jerk, it was not subject.
- Well, I can - I said, trying to look as much as possible disappointed.
- This ninja can climb the walls! It is for the ninja as you, Uncle Misha, drunk two toes piss - warmed healthy sporting interest in the old "blue" ninja Denis.
- Now! - In the eyes of Uncle Misha lit the fire and he almost ran ran home.
When the five minutes he came back, we realized that a fire in his eyes, he has already managed to slightly damp new portion "Kirillich." Misha pulled the old shtopesdets pereshtopannuyu T-shirt with the logo of the sports society "Dynamo" gothic blue leotard with a flabby, holey knees. But the main thing - he carried with him the claws, the device, which is used by electricians for climbing poles. Pezdets, Freddy Krueger is ready to exploit! Countdown to the new disaster seems to have begun.
Clothe your feet in those same claws, Misha with undisguised superiority looked at us and said: "Learn, jerks, while the master is alive!" And how rasposlednyaya monkey climbed up the wooden pole on which hung a streetlight.
"Blue" ninja decisively and swiftly climbed to a height of about three meters above ground level. We Dennis watched with interest the ninja-flusher. He turned his head to us in triumph and aggressively waved a clenched fist. "Did you see the fuck?" - Asked us climber and again waved his raised hand with a clenched fist. The next moment fucking battle climber lost his balance, with frightening speed waving his arms. The highest point of his body separated from the column and rapidly began to describe a semi-circle in the air down. Legs as a brave warrior, to remain in place in its talons clutching a wooden pole. The upper part of the body, describing an arc, turned 180 degrees, with a thud, like someone threw a bag with the roof by shit, uebalas of the post. Lousy juggler hanging upside down on a pole. - Ahuet fourth dan! Black belt! That is Ninjutsu! - Denis laughed.
"Blue" ninja uebavshis hump on the pole, he pondered a moment, then grinned and made a hellish sound "Yyygyygy." Hula, Ninja same ebanarot. They do not feel pain, especially when their bulging balls "Kirillovitch" flooded.
It took another ten seconds, Uncle Misha uttered: "Oooo, fuck." And he continued to hang upside down. Picture fucking "And you ask, what does beer" Falcon "? Evening, Sukanya, a pear in the garden.
We became anxious for the fate of Sensei, hang out, like a nigger on the infamous stoble. We ran to call neighbors to save a drunken gymnast. But the situation for the climber Uncle Misha turned cool again. And again 180 degrees. Before our eyes, he played fucking second part Marlezonskogo ballet. Apparently the fact that his feet became unbearable pain, he grabbed pole arms and began to try to free the legs. That he, as befits a real ninja managed to do. It is now the lowest point of the body equilibrist, where the head and hands, remained in place and leg gutta-percha Uncle Misha, divorced in hand, again arced. Again with his dashing turn 180 degrees, the ninja is now met with a pillar exactly eggs. Then, whooping, a meter high, made an emergency landing on the ground, instead of using the chassis of the coccyx.
- Ahuet - said Denis and neigh - for artistic -6, 5, for technical execution - 7, 0. After sitting a little bit on the ass, martial arts guru said, "Oooo, fuck." Then lay down on her side, her eyes closed and went into sasozertsanie meditation.
Denis We thought that the eastern warrior pulled away to another world. Immediately ran to his home, to his wife of the brave climber. She just watched a Mexican TV series. The news that her husband, the fearless ninja Misha has just dropped from a lamppost, and possibly sacrificed himself in martial arts, so stunned and at the same time angered her that she fell on the scene with howling sirens, "Ay-ay -ay Herod damned! Beast! Barfly podzabornaya! How else are you going to shake my nerves? Here tvaryuka! »
Running out onto the street, the wife of a brave acrobat saw him quite alive, healthy, buhim, cheerfully looks back conquered the terrible height.
-You What the heck the pole alternates, the old devil? A goat drunk, you ask ?!
- Rumor husband, hands on hips and shaking her head sadly.
- Fix reached - quietly forced himself cocks ninjutsu guilty bowed his gray head, scratching through the emergency landing tights bruised ass.
- Fix! You saw yourself in the mirror, chinitel? Come march home, the Antichrist! Some sleep! - Irritated voice that brooked no objection, said the wife.
"Blue Ninja" brave climber, champion of fucking Paralympic Games in gymnastics, Misha dejectedly trudged home, on the way we muttering: "What bastards juvenile, shesternut already? Bitches fucking! »
At the way of the warrior and ended. This here is bushido. The next morning, Uncle Misha sober, found that yesterday, during the fall of the ninja in it died. He buried ninja old flusher in the toilet in the morning.
But at least a warrior ninja to Uncle Misha died heroically, otzhygat Misha not subsequently stopped. Probably due to the concussion received during an air crash, otzhygi it even intensified ...