While living with his parents, he took his apartment on credit, but when he wanted to move there, his mother reported the news.

Here is a letter from one of our readers. We'll call him Denis. And what Denis said made me mentally resort to tautology, thinking: what is a human relationship in human relations? And in this situation, how does each of the participants in this relationship understand the human attitude?



Denis writes: I will tell you frankly: I never thought that until the age of thirty-three I would live with my parents. But it so happened that I went a difficult way. It was not possible to make quick money on your own housing - I had to live with my father and mother. For ten years, I managed to save up money to pay for a spacious three-bedroom apartment purchased on credit and make good repairs there. I worked a lot and started my own business.

I was planning to move in as soon as the repair was completed. Suddenly I noticed I didn’t see the keys to my apartment. They were always on the table in my room. Looked everywhere - nowhere. I asked my mom if she had taken them somewhere. And my mother replies, “So I gave them to Andrew and his family (my older brother, he married very young).” Let them stay in your apartment for a while. You know the landlady evicted them out of debt.



They immediately wanted to live here, but it is difficult for me and my father to even think that five more people will settle in our two-bedroom, three of them are children, small is less. And there's plenty of room for them all. You don't care, you're not married. My dad and I are used to you and we are so comfortable. A couple of years you will live with us until Andriusha’s things get better.

Of course, I do not mind that all relatives were good and comfortable. But why just on me? It's easy to pick up the heat with someone else's hands, right? When Andrei and his wife Valya studied, they were constantly helped by our parents and Valina. After university, the guys got a job, had normal salaries, rented a good apartment, managed everything themselves.



And then Valya was almost all the time on maternity leave, Andrei earned one. Now, when they were overweight, they were missing his salary, and that was the debt. Asking for help was embarrassing, apparently. But moving into my apartment was okay? The situation made me angry: can a mother manage the property of her own son? How can that be?!

That's what I told my mother. We had a big fight then. She was angry and stopped talking to me. Then I called my brother, told him everything I thought about it, and demanded that within a month they find a place to live and not solve their problems regardless of my interests. Now the whole family has not spoken to me for more than two weeks. I feel stuck. But am I wrong? . . ?



What to do in such a situation, I confess, although in many respects the proverb is right: “I will find out someone else’s trouble with my hands, and I will not put my mind to my own,” and our conditional Denis is not even from friends – not that of his people, but also feels at a dead end or, rather, at a crossroads. And not where you go right or left, but where, as in the rose of winds, eight different directions. There are eight of them, and there are eight of them. Well, kids may not yet understand why adults sulk, but after all, it is useful for children, it is important, it is necessary to absorb human attitude from young nails. And what lessons will they learn from family strife?



Any conflict is difficult to understand. But if you know the position of only one side, then you do not understand its causes and ways out of it.

Denis’s position is best known, but he doesn’t tell you everything about himself. For example, we can only guess what is hidden behind the vague mention of the “difficult path” and the unrealized dream of quickly earning a home. But it is emphasized that Andrei and Valais during their studies at the university were constantly helped by their parents.

But was it not the parental support of Denis to provide him with the conditions under which he was able to quickly achieve the goal of acquiring housing? They did not give him money, but they helped him by saving his earnings and investing in a spacious apartment and business development. However, the apartment is not the real goal of Denis - he dreams of his family.

The more you give, the more you gain and, it would seem, very correctly, responsibly moves towards the realization of this dream. Alas, as they say, every wise man is quite simple.

If you could find out how the parents of the brothers and Andrei see the motives of their decisions and actions, you could see that their positions also make a lot of sense. At least the one that most need the protection of children and that their birth is a gift of God, and not the result of calculation. And you can remember the biblical wisdom that the more you give, the more you gain.



But for some reason, this is the rule of human relations that is constantly knocking down: Do to others only as you want them to do to you. If the participants in the story lived according to this rule, neither his mother nor Andrei could afford to manage Denis’ apartment without discussing the situation with him, without understanding his dreams of a family.



Perhaps the only advice that can help Denis and his family get out of the conflict is this: please talk to each other about important things, about your feelings, thoughts, dreams, decisions.

What would you advise Denis and his family?