Grown children tear me apart, they can’t deal with each other, I don’t know how to help them. Bashny.Net

“I am the mother of two adult sons. Vanya and Lesha already have their own families, they often visit me with their grandchildren. My eldest son lives closer and happens to me more often, and my husband and I sometimes go to the youngest. Until recently, I had a great relationship with both sons, and a week ago, there was a terrible conflict between the brothers. Now I found myself between two fires, says Lilia Stepanovna.

A woman has always tried not to interfere in the privacy of her children. Trying to help both brothers, the mother became involved in their conflict. Now she's not happy that she got stuck in the relationship.



I have always admired my daughters-in-law, both of whom we communicated well. Girls are decent, smart. I have two grandchildren from my eldest son and three from my youngest. Both my sons earn decent money, and daughters-in-law do not sit at home - they also go to work. How and who manages the family budget, I never wondered. Until I got a call from the wife of Vanya, the youngest son.



Masha told me that Vanya lent his brother a round sum from their family budget. They say that Lesha needed money for an urgent deposit, and he promised to pay the debt with interest for the inconvenience caused. Money Vanya and Masha saved up for an apartment in the capital, so that children had the opportunity to get a decent education. Vanya took the money secretly, he thought that his brother would quickly return it, and his wife would not notice it.



Only the wife noticed everything and started an incredible scandal. Lesha promised to return everything to a penny, and then said that he would have to wait for the debt, as he began to have problems in business. Not only did Masha tell me everything, she felt she had to tell Vera, who obviously had no idea about it either.

Now wives on both sides do not give rest to their husbands or to me. The panic passed after a few days, and then the sons decided that they would settle the issue among themselves. The conflict between the brothers has not yet subsided. We agreed that Lesha will gradually pay the debt to Vanya every month. Apparently, Masha put pressure on Vanya, and he changed his mind, said that the debt should be paid immediately.



Alexei has no money, he is already denying himself everything to pay the debt as soon as possible. And Vanya like a rooster pecked in one place, and he has already tied me into this lawlessness. Says that I must disinherit Lesha and immediately sell the cottage, give some of the money from the sale to him now.”



I can’t sell the house where I lived half my life with my husband. Why would that be? I'm still alive, let the will wait 30 years. This is a family nest, here I am nostalgic, come in the summer to drink tea on the veranda and remember my youth. When the sons discussed the repayment of the debt, it turns out that Lesha said that his part of my will - part of the house - will be pledged. Alexei tells me he never said anything like that.

Once we thought that it would be good to arrange a house for children, but now, due to the fact that it is decorated for me, I have to resolve the conflict. And if I do what my youngest son wants, I'll lose touch with my oldest. In any case, everyone will be offended.”



Money relations between relatives are always the causative agents of conflict situations. Therefore, neither friends nor relatives should lend money, conflict between the brothers was inevitable. If a stranger can claim the debt back and get it on demand with a high probability, then with relatives it is more difficult. Vanya lent Alexei money as a brother, and wants to return it as a good husband of his wife. After all, Vanya himself started porridge when he took, by and large, other people's money without permission to help his brother. And without the influence of Masha, she only adds fuel to the fire, although her anger is justified. And Lilia Stepanovna should not support anyone at all, it is better to leave a will until better times, otherwise she will spoil relations with children. What would you do in a situation like this?