Why people often swear and break up during war

The war took us all by surprise. No one was ready for it (and could not), so now we experience a variety of feelings and can not understand how normal it is. We all have different reactions to stress, and we all experience a crisis. Any problems that have existed before can get worse. Including problems in relationships. Many couples now decide to break up, some abruptly break up the relationship. What is the reason for this and what is the psychology of separation during war?



Today's edition. "Site" He'll try to figure it out. We talk about what motivates people to leave relationships without explanation and burn all bridges.

In normal times, people do not often break off relationships without explaining the reasons. It's often a deliberate decision. Especially when it is a long and serious relationship. But now we see that couples are rapidly separating, without even trying to save the marriage. Why is this happening? There are several reasons.



Harmonious relations require constant compromise and joint work on emerging problems. It’s not easy in peacetime, but even more so now. People are constantly under stress. Sometimes our resources are simply not enough for partners and relationships. People do not have the strength to compromise and deal with misunderstandings.

New conditions also bring new problems. There may be a situation where a decision has to be made regarding a common future. For example, whether to evacuate, whether to take children abroad and so on. You can disagree with each other. Because of this, too, conflicts often arise, which in stressful conditions can lead to separation. It is easier to quit and leave than to try to find a compromise.



Against the background of all this, there are quarrels in the pair. In order to settle and reconcile them, you also need a resource. In normal times, we could go on a date or walk to calmly discuss everything and find a solution. Right now, we don't have the power to do that either. Sometimes it is easier to rudely and sharply express to a person all the accumulated claims than to try to be restrained.



Unresolved problems, perhaps, in each pair there are some problems. Some are trying to solve them, but there are those who have not looked into this Pandora's box for years. In a crisis, all these problems can manifest themselves and worsen. When you live in a marriage for many years, something closes your eyes, but under stressful conditions, the view of the situation changes a little.

Let me give you a concrete example. A woman does not like that she is the only one doing household chores. For many years she wanted her husband to clean at least after himself, but it did not lead to anything. She is dissatisfied, but in general she has already accepted. But the war brings this issue to the fore again. And it's not even that he can't clean a dirty plate. There is an inability to rely on a partner.

Now more than ever, we need support. And if you pair it with problems, they get worse. After all, if a partner is not able to do some small things in everyday life, how can you rely on him if something really serious happens? Even minor problems during a crisis can be a serious problem.



Psychology of separation: is it possible to do something Here it is difficult to give an unequivocal answer. If you don’t have the strength right now to try to build relationships and solve problems, maybe it really makes sense to break up. The body is now trying to cope with stress, with new conditions. It needs enormous resources to do that. If you spend it on constant quarrels, you can quickly burn out.

The most important thing is to take care of your well-being. Act according to the rule of flight attendants: “Mask first on yourself”. If it's easier for you to do it alone, you better do it.

It is clear that in these conditions there may be no energy for tenderness and respect for each other, but we must try. Make an effort to part amicably. You do not need to cause a loved one more pain. Don’t suddenly disappear, try to explain your feelings to your partner. Of course, if you can.



When the war is over, people can come together again. Feelings will subside, resentments will dull. There may be a need to return to the good moments that came before everything. We all want it to be the same as before. Perhaps then it will be possible to improve relations after the breakup.

Now you need to adapt to new circumstances and try to save your psyche during the war. You need to listen to yourself and do what seems right. There is no single recipe for how to survive. Just take care of yourself and do your best.