For years, she sponsored a brother who cared for her mother, but once paid a visit without warning. Bashny.Net

When we grow up, we try to arrange our lives in the best way possible: looking for a decent job, getting a family, building a house, sometimes moving to a new place where it is more comfortable to live. Many people do this, and there is nothing wrong with it, quite the contrary. Only when adult children care about their own well-being, they do not always have time to pay attention to old parents. Alla has been living in another country for many years. At first, the woman went to work, then met a man and married. At home, Alla remained an elderly mother and younger brother. Since the mother lives far away, the woman can not take care of her own and asked her brother to look after her mother.



When I left for Poland 10 years ago, my mother was still cheerful and cheerful, my tongue did not turn to call her an old woman. Every year, I tried to come to the holidays and bring gifts. When I got married, there was no time. Then I had a baby. My mother lives alone in the village, my father passed away long before I went abroad.

My little brother stayed with my mom. He graduated from university and got married. After the wedding, Sasha moved to the city to his wife’s apartment. My mother stayed in the village and said she was comfortable there. At first I was not worried, but after my 65th birthday, my brother and I agreed that he would look after my mother, help her with the housework and bring food.



My husband and I are not poor, but we do not have much savings. During our time in Poland, we managed to save up for a small two-bedroom apartment where we live with our son. When Sasha and I agreed a year ago to take care of his mother, I promised to send a certain amount every month.

On the money sent along with the pension it is quite possible to live in the village, when there is a cow and chickens. Sasha agreed to help his mother, but insisted that he wanted to arrange his mother’s house for himself. I doubted for a long time, but then I decided that there was no other way out, and why share my mother’s house when I live in another country?



My brother doesn’t help my mother. – I sent money to my brother on a card every month. A year later, I decided to come with my family to make a surprise. I didn't say anything to my brother and mom. When we came to visit my mother, it turned out that my brother does not help her financially, only sometimes he will prick firewood and bring the cow to graze. The wife of her husband never came, and her mother is no longer young, it is difficult for her to cope with household duties.

When I asked Sasha why he didn’t help his mother, he replied that there were pensioners living next to her in the village and they could take care of themselves. When I saw my mother, I knew I couldn’t leave her. But there was nowhere to pick it up. My husband and I are in one room and a child is in the other. Mom needs round-the-clock supervision.



I decided to take my mother to Poland, persuaded her to sell the house so that we could buy a bigger apartment and settle it with us. My mother is currently living in a home for the elderly while we work on housing. He has been living there for six months and is feeling much better. She's being cared for by specialists, I don't care if she ate. After work, I often visit my mother and she says she's doing well.



My brother resented me for selling my mom's house and getting nothing. But I think I did the right thing because I was thinking about my mom’s well-being, not my own. It is not easy for me to go to her every other day, but I am worried about her and I want my mother to have a decent old age.



Alla believes that she did the right thing when she moved her mother to Poland. That's partly true. But an elderly person who has lived all his life in one place, even if he lives in good conditions in a foreign country, may feel uncomfortable. Older parents do not want to disturb busy children, say that they are satisfied with everything. In fact, it may turn out that Alla’s mother is very lonely and dreary outside her home walls. Physical comfort is not the same as psychological comfort.

Imagine that you were taken to another country where you do not know anyone and do not know the language. How would you feel? A nursing home abroad is a comfortable solution for both parties: parents in the company of peers live a quiet life, play board games and sometimes travel. They are provided with everything necessary, but not everyone likes such a life on the slope of years. What would you do in the place of Alla?