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John Gottman’s Recommendations for a Sere Family Life
Compromise is the key to a happy and lasting relationship. But some couples find it, and others do not. Psychology professor John Gottman, who won acclaim for his work on marital stability and the likelihood of divorce, decided to investigate this question. He and his team conducted a curious study, observing 130 couples for 6 years. The psychologist came to the conclusion that it is all about the level development of emotional intelligence husband.
Editorial "Site" He will tell you what a professor means by a husband’s emotional intelligence and how it affects his emotional intelligence. climate.
The study studied ordinary couples in which both spouses recognize equality. In words, the husband agrees that equality is the key to a happy and long marriage, but his actions show the opposite. And that's where all the problems begin. In any conflict of interest, the husband closes himself or takes a firm position and does not want to discuss the problem with his wife.
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For example, a husband told his wife that he was going fishing with friends. The wife says they agreed to clean the apartment together before the guests arrived. The husband is categorical, because he has already agreed - it is the wife who has confused something or indistinctly expressed her plans. As a result, his wife calls him an egoist and all her further attempts to find a compromise are reduced to zero. Such quarrels are full of mutual accusations, so it is difficult to find the main reason.
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According to John Gottman, 65% of men only exacerbate conflict during an argument. But if the spouses do not try to settle the conflict, but only incite it, responding to each other negatively, the marriage is under threat. Criticism, defensive behavior, disrespect, disregard - signals that the husband does not want to make concessions. Of course, for a marriage to be happy, both people must work on the relationship.
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But most wives do. They may be angry with their husbands, but they allow their husbands to influence their decisions and take their opinions and feelings into account. Their husbands rarely respond the same way. As a result, the probability of divorce in couples where the husband is not ready for dialogue increases to 81%. Reluctance to give in is a problem that comes from childhood.
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When boys play with each other, they focus on winning, they don’t care about other children’s experiences. If one breaks the knee, the others don’t pay attention. For girls, emotion is a priority. They will resume the game only after they have reconciled. Girls play better for family life than boys play. On average, only 35% of men are gifted with emotional intelligence and feel the experiences of others.
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Men who lack emotional intelligence refuse to give in to their wives. They're afraid of losing power. A man with a developed emotional intelligence considers his wife’s feelings because he values and respects her. When his wife needs to talk, he pauses the computer game and listens to it. He chooses "we" instead of "I." Observations show that such a man gets more pleasure from intimacy, relationships and life in general.
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He will also be a better father, because he is not afraid of feelings, he will teach children to respect their own and others' emotions. A wife will be deeply attached to such a man. She will turn to him when she is upset, excited or excited. Emotions are a very important part of our lives. Unfortunately, we do not always give them due attention, but it is in our power to fix it.
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If you notice your husband has low emotional intelligence, you don’t need to saw him or point out his callousness. Notice and react to his emotions: “You’re upset,” “You were so happy when...” and also show your own. There’s nothing wrong with crying or expressing joy. Also focus your husband’s attention on the emotions of the people around you when you walk.
There are no easy and completely conflict-free relationships. Behind every strong happy couple is hard work on the relationship. It is important to be able to hear and be heard in a relationship. Selfishness must be healthy. But even if spouses love each other and know how to find a compromise, their marriage can fall apart if they tell outsiders about these 5 things.
We also shared 15 tips to save marriage.
Tell us in the comments if you agree with the opinion of psychologist John Gottman. Share this article with your friends on social media!
Photo by depositphotos preview.
Editorial "Site" He will tell you what a professor means by a husband’s emotional intelligence and how it affects his emotional intelligence. climate.
The study studied ordinary couples in which both spouses recognize equality. In words, the husband agrees that equality is the key to a happy and long marriage, but his actions show the opposite. And that's where all the problems begin. In any conflict of interest, the husband closes himself or takes a firm position and does not want to discuss the problem with his wife.
DepositPhotos
For example, a husband told his wife that he was going fishing with friends. The wife says they agreed to clean the apartment together before the guests arrived. The husband is categorical, because he has already agreed - it is the wife who has confused something or indistinctly expressed her plans. As a result, his wife calls him an egoist and all her further attempts to find a compromise are reduced to zero. Such quarrels are full of mutual accusations, so it is difficult to find the main reason.
DepositPhotos
According to John Gottman, 65% of men only exacerbate conflict during an argument. But if the spouses do not try to settle the conflict, but only incite it, responding to each other negatively, the marriage is under threat. Criticism, defensive behavior, disrespect, disregard - signals that the husband does not want to make concessions. Of course, for a marriage to be happy, both people must work on the relationship.
DepositPhotos
But most wives do. They may be angry with their husbands, but they allow their husbands to influence their decisions and take their opinions and feelings into account. Their husbands rarely respond the same way. As a result, the probability of divorce in couples where the husband is not ready for dialogue increases to 81%. Reluctance to give in is a problem that comes from childhood.
DepositPhotos
When boys play with each other, they focus on winning, they don’t care about other children’s experiences. If one breaks the knee, the others don’t pay attention. For girls, emotion is a priority. They will resume the game only after they have reconciled. Girls play better for family life than boys play. On average, only 35% of men are gifted with emotional intelligence and feel the experiences of others.
DepositPhotos
Men who lack emotional intelligence refuse to give in to their wives. They're afraid of losing power. A man with a developed emotional intelligence considers his wife’s feelings because he values and respects her. When his wife needs to talk, he pauses the computer game and listens to it. He chooses "we" instead of "I." Observations show that such a man gets more pleasure from intimacy, relationships and life in general.
DepositPhotos
He will also be a better father, because he is not afraid of feelings, he will teach children to respect their own and others' emotions. A wife will be deeply attached to such a man. She will turn to him when she is upset, excited or excited. Emotions are a very important part of our lives. Unfortunately, we do not always give them due attention, but it is in our power to fix it.
DepositPhotos
If you notice your husband has low emotional intelligence, you don’t need to saw him or point out his callousness. Notice and react to his emotions: “You’re upset,” “You were so happy when...” and also show your own. There’s nothing wrong with crying or expressing joy. Also focus your husband’s attention on the emotions of the people around you when you walk.
There are no easy and completely conflict-free relationships. Behind every strong happy couple is hard work on the relationship. It is important to be able to hear and be heard in a relationship. Selfishness must be healthy. But even if spouses love each other and know how to find a compromise, their marriage can fall apart if they tell outsiders about these 5 things.
We also shared 15 tips to save marriage.
Tell us in the comments if you agree with the opinion of psychologist John Gottman. Share this article with your friends on social media!
Photo by depositphotos preview.
