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36 facts that I have learned in 36 years of marriage
Psychologist Winifred Riley and her husband celebrated their wedding anniversary and at the same time to tell the world about what conclusions have time to do during the years of marriage. The site publishes a list of its great tips and facts on the subject of marriage and relations between suprugami.
My husband and I have celebrated 36 anniversaries. Over the years, we have noted them in different ways: dressed went to the restaurant for dinner to celebrate this day "just a kiss", and once the two had the flu.
Every marriage goes through rich, poor, good times and bad. Each year, fraught with a lot of surprises and tests for both of you. But the main thing - is "sweet" moments. For them, and makes life worth living.
If you think that a marriage with someone else would have been much easier and more enjoyable affair, most likely wrong. Most family problems are reparable. Indeed. Even the most difficult ones. The word "divorce" as blackmail - a dangerous weapon. If you shout in their hearts: "I filed for divorce," then do the partner is much more painful than if shouted, for example, "I am so disappointed with our relationship!". The phrase "the husband like a stone wall" must be forgotten and expunged from the lexicon. Marriage - a beautiful, but not without difficulty thing. And these difficulties you have to overcome together, without placing all the responsibility on just one of the partners. You can be sure that people can not change. But this is misleading. I married my husband when I was a little more than 20. If we both did not change all the time, it still would have been naive children, continue to insist that we have to live, "as I said." You can be a happy family, and unhappy. All in your hands. Each of us is hard to live. Causes only are different. If you have any problems at work, they become problems, and your wife too. And vice versa. So after the registrar's office, you can not only be responsible for yourself. On the other hand, sometimes to share their problems with someone for two - the best way to cope with life in general. People who are unhappy in marriage, people think that the problem - in the institution of marriage. They say it is outdated or is itself artificial. But everything that happens in your family - the result of your own efforts, not statistics. Why do you refuse to create something worthwhile? Marriage - Continuous learning. None of us comes to family life "fully prepared". If the situation gets out of control, it only means that you do not have the necessary skills to overcome problems. Grow them! The struggle for power within the family is not only inevitable but also necessary. None of us can build a healthy and stable relationship, if you do not learn how to deal with complex issues, and in the right circumstances - to take responsibility for themselves. It turns out public issues who will be the main empirically. Neither spouse is unable to resolve your internal Kompeks and rid you of childhood trauma. If you think that, thanks to her husband will be able to feel safe, it will not work as long as you do not will find inner stability. You will have to continue to grow and develop - whether married or not. Love is stronger, the more tests you have overcome, along with her husband. The greater the difficulty, the more easily you will enjoy the moments when you are all well. Marriage - a long negotiations about how you do business. This is money. This sex. This education of the child. This lesson household chores. You can fight with each other and can work together. Cooperation, experience shows that much more productive. Even the most stubborn of you can learn to give. Take my word. In most cases, when your spouse is angry or sad, you are not to blame. Just remember this. In difficult times, you will help devotion. Did not you promise that you will be together until until death do you part? That's reason enough to hold a family struggles. Even when it seems that this is no longer meaningful. Believe me, in most cases, this meaning is. Marriage can not you do better or worse. Ultimately, it's your own choice. Complaints and constant criticism - it is not the same as a request to change. Discouragement - one of the biggest threats to marriage. I saw a lot of families that fell apart only by the fact that one of the spouses gave up too soon. Divorce Statistics tells us that every second family does not pass the test of time, is not it? Not really. Just half of married people should be the model of behavior that is guaranteed to lead to failure. And understanding this simple truth can change everything. Be nice - it's easy. And it helps. Say "thank you" to each other more often. Happy family - this is when you do not annoy yourself, and do not irritate your partner. Any marriage runs into boredom, frustration, "iron" arguments and slamming doors. - Your task is not to build a tragedy of universal scale. Keep your heart open is not always easy. Love asks a lot of questions. But she answers, when you think you made a mistake. Trust your love! Marriage - not an antidote to loneliness. Communication, intimacy and communication between couples not permanent. Sometimes we work together. Sometimes it is not. It is important that the spouse could comfort you, when you made your own mistake. It is easy to travel around the rut. Work, home, TV, dinner, sex. And how do you spend your Saturday night? Add variety. A large part of successful marriages - the result of one of the spouses. Psychologists call it the "guardian." You must be a person on whom you can rely on in difficult times. The man who used to have a foothold. If your spouse is - bravo. But try to respond to him in return. We all sometimes melancholy and sadness - even if outwardly seem strong and independent. The best thing you can do during an argument - just stop it. Do not find out who is right and who is wrong. And just take a break and cool down. You will return to this issue later. Some conflicts can not be resolved through compromise. We can not make half a child or buy a half of travel vouchers. The best way - is when one says "yes" to please others, and the other is aware that it is a gift. Quarrels rarely happen on its true causes. The place where you keep a bar of soap or a mess in the kitchen can not cause a huge scandal. If this happens to you, then there are much deeper problems. Try to reach out to your partner and find out what was going on when it cools down. There is a big difference between "happy now" and "lived a long and happy life." None of us can be happy 24/7. Thank God, we do not always have to be happy. When you think to yourself, that should say something important, but I doubt it means that you really need. Learn to make plans. Together. If you think you will go to a great weekend sometime later, you probably never do. One of you should go ahead. to ask for forgiveness first. To compromise first. To leave the room during an argument - the first. Forgiving - also a first. Why this man in your family does not become you?
via www.huffingtonpost.com/winifred-m-reilly/36-things-i-know-after-36_b_6321032.html
My husband and I have celebrated 36 anniversaries. Over the years, we have noted them in different ways: dressed went to the restaurant for dinner to celebrate this day "just a kiss", and once the two had the flu.
Every marriage goes through rich, poor, good times and bad. Each year, fraught with a lot of surprises and tests for both of you. But the main thing - is "sweet" moments. For them, and makes life worth living.
If you think that a marriage with someone else would have been much easier and more enjoyable affair, most likely wrong. Most family problems are reparable. Indeed. Even the most difficult ones. The word "divorce" as blackmail - a dangerous weapon. If you shout in their hearts: "I filed for divorce," then do the partner is much more painful than if shouted, for example, "I am so disappointed with our relationship!". The phrase "the husband like a stone wall" must be forgotten and expunged from the lexicon. Marriage - a beautiful, but not without difficulty thing. And these difficulties you have to overcome together, without placing all the responsibility on just one of the partners. You can be sure that people can not change. But this is misleading. I married my husband when I was a little more than 20. If we both did not change all the time, it still would have been naive children, continue to insist that we have to live, "as I said." You can be a happy family, and unhappy. All in your hands. Each of us is hard to live. Causes only are different. If you have any problems at work, they become problems, and your wife too. And vice versa. So after the registrar's office, you can not only be responsible for yourself. On the other hand, sometimes to share their problems with someone for two - the best way to cope with life in general. People who are unhappy in marriage, people think that the problem - in the institution of marriage. They say it is outdated or is itself artificial. But everything that happens in your family - the result of your own efforts, not statistics. Why do you refuse to create something worthwhile? Marriage - Continuous learning. None of us comes to family life "fully prepared". If the situation gets out of control, it only means that you do not have the necessary skills to overcome problems. Grow them! The struggle for power within the family is not only inevitable but also necessary. None of us can build a healthy and stable relationship, if you do not learn how to deal with complex issues, and in the right circumstances - to take responsibility for themselves. It turns out public issues who will be the main empirically. Neither spouse is unable to resolve your internal Kompeks and rid you of childhood trauma. If you think that, thanks to her husband will be able to feel safe, it will not work as long as you do not will find inner stability. You will have to continue to grow and develop - whether married or not. Love is stronger, the more tests you have overcome, along with her husband. The greater the difficulty, the more easily you will enjoy the moments when you are all well. Marriage - a long negotiations about how you do business. This is money. This sex. This education of the child. This lesson household chores. You can fight with each other and can work together. Cooperation, experience shows that much more productive. Even the most stubborn of you can learn to give. Take my word. In most cases, when your spouse is angry or sad, you are not to blame. Just remember this. In difficult times, you will help devotion. Did not you promise that you will be together until until death do you part? That's reason enough to hold a family struggles. Even when it seems that this is no longer meaningful. Believe me, in most cases, this meaning is. Marriage can not you do better or worse. Ultimately, it's your own choice. Complaints and constant criticism - it is not the same as a request to change. Discouragement - one of the biggest threats to marriage. I saw a lot of families that fell apart only by the fact that one of the spouses gave up too soon. Divorce Statistics tells us that every second family does not pass the test of time, is not it? Not really. Just half of married people should be the model of behavior that is guaranteed to lead to failure. And understanding this simple truth can change everything. Be nice - it's easy. And it helps. Say "thank you" to each other more often. Happy family - this is when you do not annoy yourself, and do not irritate your partner. Any marriage runs into boredom, frustration, "iron" arguments and slamming doors. - Your task is not to build a tragedy of universal scale. Keep your heart open is not always easy. Love asks a lot of questions. But she answers, when you think you made a mistake. Trust your love! Marriage - not an antidote to loneliness. Communication, intimacy and communication between couples not permanent. Sometimes we work together. Sometimes it is not. It is important that the spouse could comfort you, when you made your own mistake. It is easy to travel around the rut. Work, home, TV, dinner, sex. And how do you spend your Saturday night? Add variety. A large part of successful marriages - the result of one of the spouses. Psychologists call it the "guardian." You must be a person on whom you can rely on in difficult times. The man who used to have a foothold. If your spouse is - bravo. But try to respond to him in return. We all sometimes melancholy and sadness - even if outwardly seem strong and independent. The best thing you can do during an argument - just stop it. Do not find out who is right and who is wrong. And just take a break and cool down. You will return to this issue later. Some conflicts can not be resolved through compromise. We can not make half a child or buy a half of travel vouchers. The best way - is when one says "yes" to please others, and the other is aware that it is a gift. Quarrels rarely happen on its true causes. The place where you keep a bar of soap or a mess in the kitchen can not cause a huge scandal. If this happens to you, then there are much deeper problems. Try to reach out to your partner and find out what was going on when it cools down. There is a big difference between "happy now" and "lived a long and happy life." None of us can be happy 24/7. Thank God, we do not always have to be happy. When you think to yourself, that should say something important, but I doubt it means that you really need. Learn to make plans. Together. If you think you will go to a great weekend sometime later, you probably never do. One of you should go ahead. to ask for forgiveness first. To compromise first. To leave the room during an argument - the first. Forgiving - also a first. Why this man in your family does not become you?
via www.huffingtonpost.com/winifred-m-reilly/36-things-i-know-after-36_b_6321032.html
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