Pitfalls of the new married life
of Course I want the first and only time to get married to truly, permanently. But... Love, as they say, does not die, if not killed. Resentment, frustration, the inability to talk with each other, selfishness leads to divorce. Having survived divorce, the soul is able once again to open to love.Sometimes, leaving a second marriage, a woman finds her woman's happiness.
The advantage of remarriage is that you are building a new family, having already considerable experience, wisdom, endurance and peace of mind of a more Mature age. And its disadvantages include the heavy burden of the past.
Unfortunately, apparently, soon the family-unions, which are written in fairy tales: "They lived long, happy and died in one day," will go into oblivion. Today, throughout the world, a growing number of divorces. And re-marriages will be more and more.
Whether to upset what is happening? Who knows... any phenomenon in this world has its pluses and minuses.
But before leaving married the second time and join the river of another marriage, the woman should understand that she can expect, what are pitfalls swirling waters of a new marriage.The burden of the past
, the second Advantage of marriage is that you are building a new family, having already considerable experience, wisdom, endurance and peace of mind of a more Mature age. And its disadvantage is the heavy burden of the past.
On the one hand, it accumulated a negative family experience, and on the other communication current husband's ex-wife and children, which is not always easily perceived new partner. The woman need wisdom and patience, not to overshadow the new Union for its concern and anxiety to maintain a harmonious atmosphere in the house.
That gave us the past, everything had staying with us. And often this burden brings a lot of problems in our current life.
Children from previous marriage, no matter from which side, sometimes create large obstacles in the way of building a new family happiness. Often relationships deteriorate, as the new husband treats his own children.Children of their own and others
It so happened that in Russia the decision of men to get married is influenced primarily by his love for a woman, and not a desire to create a family. Therefore, in the new marriage, most often, the man easily takes the children of his wife and cares about them and moves away from family, remaining with his former wife.That is, children are perceived by men as a Supplement to the woman as a final touch to the image of a real family.
How many different difficulties can occur at home, when, after the birth of a child, a woman immersed in maternal care and pays less attention to her husband. This male jealousy towards their own children... Men in General are not particularly involved in child care and upbringing, and therefore attachment to it is not so deep.
Why so strong a mother's love? She feels the child from the moment of conception. After birth she spends near him sleepless nights, see his first smile and hear the first word he said. Every day she with a sinking heart watching its development. Fathers are not around the baby constantly, they communicate with him in the evenings after work and on weekends.Children are always associated with a woman. The other woman — the other kids.
And the step-child of the new wife becomes for his men. To him he could be better than a native. Women it is difficult to understand.
Of course, the man realizes that he is his child, but in his heart there is deep attachment and love. But stepson or stepdaughter, with whom he frequently contacts can become close to him.
Of course, all the above does not apply to all men. But this perception of children is typical for most of them.The ability to share a man with other
If a man does not feel attachment to their own children, and his second wife "gets" it in their property, the problems in the new family relationships occurs less. If a man is attached to his child and also his ex-wife manipulates him, playing on his love for his child, it's time to be patient and understanding.
You have "pushed on the throne", giving way to the child of the husband and his first wife. It is very difficult. I will not describe in detail why this situation even occurred in the life of a woman, I just want to stress that we are attracted to only what we should be, what we match. Life teaches us its lessons, and whether we like it or not, but we have to pass.
While these lessons are not simple. They always require patience, sacrifices and efforts.
Have you ever thought about why you met a man who does not belong to you completely? Why do you sometimes feel unwanted, and your emotional connection is lost? Not sending the life lesson that you need to accept the status quo, go through your pain and suffering, having gone through everything that happens in the shower? Is it worth it in this case to fight with events and man? Maybe it makes sense to fight with yourself and your desire to make a partner of their property?The stepfather
so, let's say, in your new family children. And if they are 7 years old and above, then your Union may have problems. The fact that a lot of re-marriages fail due to the fact that men have had an awkward relationship with the grown children of the female partner. Kids until 5-6 years is much easier to perceive the appearance of a new man in the house. They're still very much attached to the father and willingly respond to the kind and attentive.
Of course, I mean just normal men who do not practise rudeness, stiffness, and cold indifference, which have no harmful addictions.
School-age children, even if they lived without a father, already accustomed to certain traditions and practices of his family (including incomplete), the violation of which can perceive pain.
In this case a man needs patience, tact — he enters into the territory of another family. And no matter who now all live — the new husband or wife.
Men very often, however, as women in this situation do not take all already happened to them. The desire to possess and the perception of another person as their property leads to problems. To separate himself from his wife and allow her to communicate with your own child without jealousy and resentment can be difficult. To aggravate the situation, maybe even jealous of the child, his desire to keep the mother near him.
If a man had a conflict with the stepson or stepdaughter, on this basis, or else, you will be difficult to create a healthy atmosphere in the family.Steps towards
Your partner will need a lot of effort to win the affection of your child. It should not abruptly set their own rules in the house and immediately behave like a host. The woman in this case, you need to be able to feel in advance how to behave in her new partner. And it is necessary to delicately explain to him how to better communicate with your son or daughter.
At this point, all attention should be paid to the child. Disregard his feelings can lead to the fact that later he will make every effort to breed you.
If you immediately begin to focus their attention and care primarily on the wife, your son or daughter may perceive it as a betrayal. And this leads to jealousy and the appearance of anger and hatred for you, and stepfather.In this situation it is important to keep a balance in the relationship.
After all, if you behave the opposite way: you will build your communication with the child as before, if the house is not men — then have your new husband will feel abandoned and not accepted in the family.
Where is the exit? Try to spend free time together, pay attention to baby from two sides. So he will be able to see that now his life was better and brighter: now love him, care about him, two adults. In fact, deep down, all children dream of a complete family, with father and mother.
Leaving a second time married need to remember that to create a strong family is not easy and the woman will have to do a lot. It should help the child to take her new man. And that she needs to bring the wife to understand her daughter or son.
Tell your child in advance about your plans. Always speak with respect about his father, praise him maintain his positive image in the child's soul (even if in fact his father is not the same). This is very important.
Explain to the child that your new marriage will not change your attitude and love for him. Try to make the man and the child often talked in private, this helps them to quickly get to know each other.
Learn not to take the child as their property: do not take offense to critical comments and educational maneuvers of a new partner. Tell the child that the family he must obey both adults. And at the same time ask the man to be gentle with your daughter or son, not just to try to educate them, or teach.
The role of women in the second marriage
the woman has sole responsibility for managing family relationships. It is necessary to create an atmosphere of mutual acceptance. Try to keep your husband and child were not trying to win you over each to his side.
Of course, if the baby will take from your partner, then everything will be pretty easy. Your son or daughter will listen to her stepfather.
If the woman is to emphasize that she has her individual relationship with the child, it will lead to tension in the house. You need to remember that you brought into the family not just the man — his partner, and also father to son or daughter. Then your spouse will not feel themselves superfluous and alien.
It is a mistake to internally divide the space of the family into two parts: the attitude that "I and the baby" and "I'm a man." This position women in the end leads to conflicts.To create a warm, friendly, sincere family atmosphere, women need to admit to your soul and to unite all the relationships: "she and partner, she and the child", "child and man", "she, the child and the man." And then the new family will be peace and harmony.
Author: Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © econet