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It is not uncertain for 5 seconds.
James Altuscher, a best-selling author and former hedge fund manager, has revealed what he learned from talking to random people at three in the morning.
From the first five seconds of the conversation, I was taught by 100 prostitutes. Talk to them, actually. Not that I want to sleep with them. It's just my job.
For about 2.5 years, I was doing a thing that I had invented: interviewing people on Wednesdays at three in the morning and finding out how they were doing.
If someone wanders the streets at three in the morning, there is usually a reason. And usually not the most pleasant.
Why did I choose this particular time? Because one day my girlfriend pushed me out the door at three in the morning and said, "You can't make it worse."
I left. And I found that at three o'clock, life doesn't just stop: it boils on every corner.
I wanted to know what was going on around me. I wanted to talk to everyone I met.
But I was shy. I couldn't, and that's it. I could only look around. That's what I turned into a job.
As a programmer at HBO, I told them, “You don’t have to limit yourself to creating original TV programs, you have to go ahead and do web programming.”
My ideas started a web show called III:am ("3 a.m."), dedicated to everything that happens at this time.
In three years I interviewed more than one and a half thousand people. Every week I selected four of the most interesting interviews and posted them on the Internet.
Of course, no one wanted to talk to a curious passerby like me at three in the morning. Every time I approached a person, I felt a lump in my throat with insecurity and fear. But I knew what to do.
1. Ask questions.
People are stories that they enjoy sharing. Try asking them questions. “Why are you crying?” or (if you came across a drug dealer) “What is more likely to be taken now?”
More specific. Nobody is interested in talking about the weather.
Stories will flow if you approach a person and ask the right question.
2. Smile.
At the first meeting, I do not ask myself if I like the interlocutor. More important is whether he likes me.A smile is the best way to show your location. And let her be sincere. Exhausted smiles only scare away.
3. Listen.
If someone says, “I wasn’t always on heroin, but now I don’t even have a roof over my head,” ask how it all started.
Why does he like it? Does he plan to stop? Where is he sleeping and why is he not going now?
When someone speaks, listen carefully, word for word, and all secrets will be revealed.
4. Silence the voice of reason.
It's unwise to molest strangers. It is wise to go home, it is warm and safe. We are now controlled by the same genes as we were 40,000 years ago. They warn us against contact with strangers - it is a mortal danger.
Your brain will send you alarms up to the point of physical pain when trying to talk to a stranger.
But curiosity will win. So if there is an argument in front of me, the interest will outweigh the fear, the pain, and I will talk to the opponents.
5. Well dressed.
Sometimes I lie in the mud by the side of the road and beg. I don’t want my children to know this.
99% of people ignore me. But that's how I train myself to talk in uncomfortable situations.
I understand that this is superfluous - the sidewalks are full of waste and sewage flows. But If you’re standing, not lying down, well dressed and smiling, people will at least stop..
They'll see something new in you. Don't disappoint them.
6. Respect other people's problems
The other day I watched a video in which a famous presenter conducts a street poll. Sometimes she looked at the camera and crooked - that's how she expressed her contempt for the speaker. I think you can't.
From birth until death, we fight for our place in the sun. So let's respect someone else's battle. Do not forget that everyone in this world is not easy – and someone is much more difficult than you.
Don't pretend. Fake sympathy can be smelled by a mile.
7. Find common ground
I once talked to a transvestite prostitute. She said her parents had been in prison since she was a child.
In her youth, she found herself in the ranks of juvenile offenders, but in whatever disciplinary institution she went, she was raped there. As a result, she became confused and no longer understood whether she was a man or a woman.
And now, being essentially asexual, she does not leave the house during the day - she is afraid of judgmental glances.
I couldn't feel her problems. My life seemed empty. But I know what it's like to be a stranger in any company. I asked her to tell me about her life.
She talked and talked. I finally got a conversationalist.
8. Don't be afraid to interrupt.
I do podcasts. I'm interviewing hundreds of people. But I'll only talk to each of them once, and there's only an hour.
They often have template answers for everything. So interrupt them, ask them again - don't be shy.
I ask in advance, “Is it okay if I ask you to dwell on the most interesting?”
And the answer is always yes.
“And then I got a call from Bill Clinton and ...” — you don’t hear that every day. Why don't you say, "Wait a minute." Why would he call you at all?
So, vent your curiosity.
Some people send me letters with angry requests: “Let the person finish the sentence!”
Nope! I can't help interrupting. That's who I am -- if I don't know right now, I'll probably never know.
9. Make people laugh.
I’m always there and I want my audience to like me. It was the case, I went on dates - in this case, it is also useful to be able to attract sympathy. When I sell something, I try to please a potential buyer.
Anyway, I try to put myself in a good light.
The secret is simple: A few hours before I talk, I watch stand-up comedians.
We all have mirror neurons. They help you learn something by watching others.
After watching stand-up, I will not become a professional humorist, but I will be able to speak better, say funny things, manage facial expressions and voice, and generally have a more relaxed conversation.
It works smoothly. This secret is my best invention..
I was once told, "But that's not how mirror neurons work." Get off me.
10. Be yourself.
Sounds like a cliché. It's easy to say, but it's easy to do. . .
How do I do that? Don't know. I don't understand myself that well. I always think my guest is smarter than me. For some reason, it helps to be yourself.
After all, we all live under the same sky. Sometimes it's so nice just to reach out and freeze for a while. published
©James Altoucher
P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!
Source: en.insider.pro/lifestyle/2017-02-18/kak-ponravitsya-neznakomcu-za-5-sekund/
From the first five seconds of the conversation, I was taught by 100 prostitutes. Talk to them, actually. Not that I want to sleep with them. It's just my job.
For about 2.5 years, I was doing a thing that I had invented: interviewing people on Wednesdays at three in the morning and finding out how they were doing.
If someone wanders the streets at three in the morning, there is usually a reason. And usually not the most pleasant.
Why did I choose this particular time? Because one day my girlfriend pushed me out the door at three in the morning and said, "You can't make it worse."
I left. And I found that at three o'clock, life doesn't just stop: it boils on every corner.
I wanted to know what was going on around me. I wanted to talk to everyone I met.
But I was shy. I couldn't, and that's it. I could only look around. That's what I turned into a job.
As a programmer at HBO, I told them, “You don’t have to limit yourself to creating original TV programs, you have to go ahead and do web programming.”
My ideas started a web show called III:am ("3 a.m."), dedicated to everything that happens at this time.
In three years I interviewed more than one and a half thousand people. Every week I selected four of the most interesting interviews and posted them on the Internet.
Of course, no one wanted to talk to a curious passerby like me at three in the morning. Every time I approached a person, I felt a lump in my throat with insecurity and fear. But I knew what to do.
1. Ask questions.
People are stories that they enjoy sharing. Try asking them questions. “Why are you crying?” or (if you came across a drug dealer) “What is more likely to be taken now?”
More specific. Nobody is interested in talking about the weather.
Stories will flow if you approach a person and ask the right question.
2. Smile.
At the first meeting, I do not ask myself if I like the interlocutor. More important is whether he likes me.A smile is the best way to show your location. And let her be sincere. Exhausted smiles only scare away.
3. Listen.
If someone says, “I wasn’t always on heroin, but now I don’t even have a roof over my head,” ask how it all started.
Why does he like it? Does he plan to stop? Where is he sleeping and why is he not going now?
When someone speaks, listen carefully, word for word, and all secrets will be revealed.
4. Silence the voice of reason.
It's unwise to molest strangers. It is wise to go home, it is warm and safe. We are now controlled by the same genes as we were 40,000 years ago. They warn us against contact with strangers - it is a mortal danger.
Your brain will send you alarms up to the point of physical pain when trying to talk to a stranger.
But curiosity will win. So if there is an argument in front of me, the interest will outweigh the fear, the pain, and I will talk to the opponents.
5. Well dressed.
Sometimes I lie in the mud by the side of the road and beg. I don’t want my children to know this.
99% of people ignore me. But that's how I train myself to talk in uncomfortable situations.
I understand that this is superfluous - the sidewalks are full of waste and sewage flows. But If you’re standing, not lying down, well dressed and smiling, people will at least stop..
They'll see something new in you. Don't disappoint them.
6. Respect other people's problems
The other day I watched a video in which a famous presenter conducts a street poll. Sometimes she looked at the camera and crooked - that's how she expressed her contempt for the speaker. I think you can't.
From birth until death, we fight for our place in the sun. So let's respect someone else's battle. Do not forget that everyone in this world is not easy – and someone is much more difficult than you.
Don't pretend. Fake sympathy can be smelled by a mile.
7. Find common ground
I once talked to a transvestite prostitute. She said her parents had been in prison since she was a child.
In her youth, she found herself in the ranks of juvenile offenders, but in whatever disciplinary institution she went, she was raped there. As a result, she became confused and no longer understood whether she was a man or a woman.
And now, being essentially asexual, she does not leave the house during the day - she is afraid of judgmental glances.
I couldn't feel her problems. My life seemed empty. But I know what it's like to be a stranger in any company. I asked her to tell me about her life.
She talked and talked. I finally got a conversationalist.
8. Don't be afraid to interrupt.
I do podcasts. I'm interviewing hundreds of people. But I'll only talk to each of them once, and there's only an hour.
They often have template answers for everything. So interrupt them, ask them again - don't be shy.
I ask in advance, “Is it okay if I ask you to dwell on the most interesting?”
And the answer is always yes.
“And then I got a call from Bill Clinton and ...” — you don’t hear that every day. Why don't you say, "Wait a minute." Why would he call you at all?
So, vent your curiosity.
Some people send me letters with angry requests: “Let the person finish the sentence!”
Nope! I can't help interrupting. That's who I am -- if I don't know right now, I'll probably never know.
9. Make people laugh.
I’m always there and I want my audience to like me. It was the case, I went on dates - in this case, it is also useful to be able to attract sympathy. When I sell something, I try to please a potential buyer.
Anyway, I try to put myself in a good light.
The secret is simple: A few hours before I talk, I watch stand-up comedians.
We all have mirror neurons. They help you learn something by watching others.
After watching stand-up, I will not become a professional humorist, but I will be able to speak better, say funny things, manage facial expressions and voice, and generally have a more relaxed conversation.
It works smoothly. This secret is my best invention..
I was once told, "But that's not how mirror neurons work." Get off me.
10. Be yourself.
Sounds like a cliché. It's easy to say, but it's easy to do. . .
How do I do that? Don't know. I don't understand myself that well. I always think my guest is smarter than me. For some reason, it helps to be yourself.
After all, we all live under the same sky. Sometimes it's so nice just to reach out and freeze for a while. published
©James Altoucher
P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!
Source: en.insider.pro/lifestyle/2017-02-18/kak-ponravitsya-neznakomcu-za-5-sekund/
