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I unloved child of unloving parents
I unloved child of unloving parents
I'm a man. Or woman. I'm a middle Manager. Or an experienced accountant. A talented chef. Or a successful CEO. I am 30 years old. Or 18. Or 50. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I grew up, but whatever I was and whatever was years – deep inside I am still a child, unloved and hungry for love.
Sometimes I can see very clearly that my parents didn't love me. Sometimes I can remember all I suffered their insults, pain, moral or even physical. More often I used to think that my childhood was "the same as everyone else", and that if parents cared about me, giving food, shelter and safety, it was their love. Often I find it hard to understand what the other had to speak the same "love".
I unloved child of unloving parents.
What I lacked in the relationship with my parents – warmth, acceptance, recognition, approval – in my adult life, I am actively looking for other sources. I strive to be good. I strive to please others. I try to compensate for the lack of self-love through the approval of others.
So I learned a lot can't afford.
Can't afford to be beautiful enough. I try to strive for compliance with their notions of the ideal.Otherwise I can't love yourself.
Can't afford to have enough employment and earnings is not high. Otherwise, I will not be able to respect yourself.
Can't afford to have a family and children "too early" or "too late". After all, what would people say?!
Can't afford initialState good/beautiful/smart husband or wife. Or pretty enough/talented/successful/good children. Otherwise this could be a symptom of my own failure in the eyes of others.
Can't afford to make a mistake and do something not perfectly. All that I did not take the first time should go as smoothly as possible. I wouldn't be able to forgive himself for his imperfection, openly demonstrated to other people – friends, colleagues, relatives. After all will laugh that I failed...
I unloved child of unloving parents.
I have a clear idea of what I should be that I was worthy of love. Love to himself. I have a clear image of my "perfect me". I continuously compare myself with that image, put forward demands on themselves, often unattainable and unrealistic, even if I don't understand.
If I do not meet the requirements of this ideal, I feel anger. Anger directed at himself. So I am very familiar with the feelings of chronic dissatisfaction and even hatred and contempt. I am very familiar debilitating self-reflection, self-flagellation and self-blame.
When I feel that I do not meet my own requirements for myself, I feel disappointed in myself, hurt myself.
For me, the familiar feeling of guilt if I act not like myself expect. But if this imperfection will know the surrounding people, then the guilt turns into a feeling of shame that occurs when I behave not as expected of me by others. Often in life I have been accompanied by fear and anxiety about the "exposure" in front of others, when I fear that everyone will know "what I really am worthless, untalented, not able to." Deep inside I fear that I learn the "real" people rejected me, rejected. As did once my parents. So I'm always on the lookout. I transform into the image of man, "comfortable" for others, a man "worthy of respect" or "admiration" or even "fear." The main thing – to find yourself in front of everyone present...
I unloved child of unloving parents.
I am very vulnerable. I am extremely sensitive to any criticism. I strongly exposed to the words and actions of others towards me. My self-esteem is unstable. It has no internal support for my own view of yourself – she's almost completely built only on the opinion and evaluations of other people. And that is my dependence on any one else's good or evil will.
I am very preoccupied with who and what about me thought or will think about it and what it means for me to turn around. If someone's words or actions hurt me, thoughts about how "we had to say/make", become so Intrusive that just exhaust me.
For me the usual uncertainty in their actions. Before to do something I thoroughly prepared for this, sometimes investing in training much more than it requires. To ensure a successful outcome is 100% and on the first try. If I'm not sure 100% success the first time, it's easier to abandon the attempt to do something, inventing for themselves devalues the purpose of the excuse – "I don't need it". In business, as a rule, I is accompanied by fear of failure, fear of being incompetent.
I find it difficult to defend their opinion, their interests, to engage in conflict, because if you start to defend your opinion, it may lead to dissatisfaction with the interlocutor.
Most of my intellectual effort is spent on forming images of the masks, allowing me to produce the "right" impression on others and thus avoid their disapproval.
And I especially demanding of other people. Not less than to himself. If someone does not meet my ideas of "correctness", it literally pisses me off and causes outrage and indignation. I actively impose their own codes of the rules of life to those against whom it is permissible, wife/husband, children, close friends, subordinates at work. I tend to force them to conform to my notions of "right." And it gives rise to another round of my problems in relationships with people. I enthusiastic to talk about who, what and who should -"they (parents, government, authorities) had me...", leaving in it his indignation all their offense for the debt, not given to me by my parents.
For neoteny the debt of love.
I unloved child of unloving parents.
Can I something to do? Can I change something? Get rid of searches replace the love of parents through the approval of others?
Yes. Can. Through difficult and lengthy path of self-acceptance and self-love. Through his own work, with the help of and in cooperation with an experienced specialist psychologist. published
Author: Margarita Novitskaya
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.b17.ru/article/unloved_baby/
I'm a man. Or woman. I'm a middle Manager. Or an experienced accountant. A talented chef. Or a successful CEO. I am 30 years old. Or 18. Or 50. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I grew up, but whatever I was and whatever was years – deep inside I am still a child, unloved and hungry for love.
Sometimes I can see very clearly that my parents didn't love me. Sometimes I can remember all I suffered their insults, pain, moral or even physical. More often I used to think that my childhood was "the same as everyone else", and that if parents cared about me, giving food, shelter and safety, it was their love. Often I find it hard to understand what the other had to speak the same "love".
I unloved child of unloving parents.
What I lacked in the relationship with my parents – warmth, acceptance, recognition, approval – in my adult life, I am actively looking for other sources. I strive to be good. I strive to please others. I try to compensate for the lack of self-love through the approval of others.
So I learned a lot can't afford.
Can't afford to be beautiful enough. I try to strive for compliance with their notions of the ideal.Otherwise I can't love yourself.
Can't afford to have enough employment and earnings is not high. Otherwise, I will not be able to respect yourself.
Can't afford to have a family and children "too early" or "too late". After all, what would people say?!
Can't afford initialState good/beautiful/smart husband or wife. Or pretty enough/talented/successful/good children. Otherwise this could be a symptom of my own failure in the eyes of others.
Can't afford to make a mistake and do something not perfectly. All that I did not take the first time should go as smoothly as possible. I wouldn't be able to forgive himself for his imperfection, openly demonstrated to other people – friends, colleagues, relatives. After all will laugh that I failed...
I unloved child of unloving parents.
I have a clear idea of what I should be that I was worthy of love. Love to himself. I have a clear image of my "perfect me". I continuously compare myself with that image, put forward demands on themselves, often unattainable and unrealistic, even if I don't understand.
If I do not meet the requirements of this ideal, I feel anger. Anger directed at himself. So I am very familiar with the feelings of chronic dissatisfaction and even hatred and contempt. I am very familiar debilitating self-reflection, self-flagellation and self-blame.
When I feel that I do not meet my own requirements for myself, I feel disappointed in myself, hurt myself.
For me, the familiar feeling of guilt if I act not like myself expect. But if this imperfection will know the surrounding people, then the guilt turns into a feeling of shame that occurs when I behave not as expected of me by others. Often in life I have been accompanied by fear and anxiety about the "exposure" in front of others, when I fear that everyone will know "what I really am worthless, untalented, not able to." Deep inside I fear that I learn the "real" people rejected me, rejected. As did once my parents. So I'm always on the lookout. I transform into the image of man, "comfortable" for others, a man "worthy of respect" or "admiration" or even "fear." The main thing – to find yourself in front of everyone present...
I unloved child of unloving parents.
I am very vulnerable. I am extremely sensitive to any criticism. I strongly exposed to the words and actions of others towards me. My self-esteem is unstable. It has no internal support for my own view of yourself – she's almost completely built only on the opinion and evaluations of other people. And that is my dependence on any one else's good or evil will.
I am very preoccupied with who and what about me thought or will think about it and what it means for me to turn around. If someone's words or actions hurt me, thoughts about how "we had to say/make", become so Intrusive that just exhaust me.
For me the usual uncertainty in their actions. Before to do something I thoroughly prepared for this, sometimes investing in training much more than it requires. To ensure a successful outcome is 100% and on the first try. If I'm not sure 100% success the first time, it's easier to abandon the attempt to do something, inventing for themselves devalues the purpose of the excuse – "I don't need it". In business, as a rule, I is accompanied by fear of failure, fear of being incompetent.
I find it difficult to defend their opinion, their interests, to engage in conflict, because if you start to defend your opinion, it may lead to dissatisfaction with the interlocutor.
Most of my intellectual effort is spent on forming images of the masks, allowing me to produce the "right" impression on others and thus avoid their disapproval.
And I especially demanding of other people. Not less than to himself. If someone does not meet my ideas of "correctness", it literally pisses me off and causes outrage and indignation. I actively impose their own codes of the rules of life to those against whom it is permissible, wife/husband, children, close friends, subordinates at work. I tend to force them to conform to my notions of "right." And it gives rise to another round of my problems in relationships with people. I enthusiastic to talk about who, what and who should -"they (parents, government, authorities) had me...", leaving in it his indignation all their offense for the debt, not given to me by my parents.
For neoteny the debt of love.
I unloved child of unloving parents.
Can I something to do? Can I change something? Get rid of searches replace the love of parents through the approval of others?
Yes. Can. Through difficult and lengthy path of self-acceptance and self-love. Through his own work, with the help of and in cooperation with an experienced specialist psychologist. published
Author: Margarita Novitskaya
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.b17.ru/article/unloved_baby/
