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Why is it so hard to make dissatisfaction your child
Sometimes my therapy appear people who can be misled by their appearance – they are fun, humorous, and easy. It seems like they did not need help.
I look, and at the right moment ask, is it really fun person, as he demonstrates? Very often it turns out that cheerfulness is a habit to be positiveand not less often that the habit came in childhood, when parents did not want to meet with the dissatisfaction of their child: "How can you be unhappy? You're good".
My customers are parents, too, often raise this issue: "He (my child) resisting/unhappy/ screaming durnin, and it irritates me. I have so much to do it, I didn't have half of what he has, and he still expresses gratitude".
I remember my experience of motherhood, I remember the moments when I experienced dissatisfaction with their children on different occasions – when they protested against my decisions, or they didn't like the gifts I gave, or something in the family travels, and remember how hard it was to make.
Hard because to a certain time unresponsive of my childon my actions for me meant much more than just an emotional response.
Sometimes I felt like a bad mother when my kids were mad at me; sometimes I got cuts everyday from "ingratitude", while was waiting to be commended for their efforts.
I felt terribly sad in that moment, when I was waiting for them (as was later realized) something adult: adult reactions to "understand" me, or even protection, and even support for me.
Very similar cases of "bring" now my clients-parents: they think that they impose on their children are completely "fair" requirements, not noticing that "invest" in them (requirements) a child waiting for its parent.
The discontent, the anger, the resistance of children to parents in a very vulnerable place in their own deficiencies and vulnerabilities. However, children are not guilty in the emergence of these vulnerabilities and deficits and, therefore, cannot be held responsible for them.
Dissatisfaction, anger and resistance of children often is an attempt to delimit their boundaries, to show that they may have other needs and other – even more childish, immature, values.
Apparently, it takes a lot of effort to recognize that outbursts of anger in children can be triggered by unreasonable expectations from their own parents. No child can replace the parent of its parent – it can not in principle be such an experience to be able to support, as a Mature man. The child can play along with the expectation to simulate the care or support, or "content word", or will to resist.
The second strategy, in my opinion, healthier first, as directed on the protection of its borders, but, alas, not too good for life... Life motivation may remain at the level of "doing contrary to the parent," not "to do right for themselves".
Sometimes the appearance of "bad" feelings associated with the trespassing child. The girl who left the Institute, and are unable to explain to my mom why she didn't want to go to law school, though many were angry at her.
And, for example, my eldest son several times annoyed at me because I have a habit to repeat it several times. He doesn't need it because he "got it right the first time".
Sometimes the feelings of children do not affect parents, and can be brought from another life (from school, for example). However, as described above, mother wounded in a relationship with my mother, quite alone nomernogo sight of your child – and... the contact is already lost.
You will also need to work on the assignment the idea that a child is a human being, and he can do something does not like – at all, or in a given time.
If the child is forbidden to be discontented under the pretext of "you Have no reason," he harvested a dangerous trap. So he can take away the right that don't like, not suitable, and deprived of the right on the border.
So, in adult life he will not be able to rely on this reality, ignoring the discomfort, inconvenience and even violence towards themselves.published
Author: Veronica Brown
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.facebook.com/veronika.hlebova.9/posts/10207953104001488
I look, and at the right moment ask, is it really fun person, as he demonstrates? Very often it turns out that cheerfulness is a habit to be positiveand not less often that the habit came in childhood, when parents did not want to meet with the dissatisfaction of their child: "How can you be unhappy? You're good".
My customers are parents, too, often raise this issue: "He (my child) resisting/unhappy/ screaming durnin, and it irritates me. I have so much to do it, I didn't have half of what he has, and he still expresses gratitude".
I remember my experience of motherhood, I remember the moments when I experienced dissatisfaction with their children on different occasions – when they protested against my decisions, or they didn't like the gifts I gave, or something in the family travels, and remember how hard it was to make.
Hard because to a certain time unresponsive of my childon my actions for me meant much more than just an emotional response.
Sometimes I felt like a bad mother when my kids were mad at me; sometimes I got cuts everyday from "ingratitude", while was waiting to be commended for their efforts.
I felt terribly sad in that moment, when I was waiting for them (as was later realized) something adult: adult reactions to "understand" me, or even protection, and even support for me.
Very similar cases of "bring" now my clients-parents: they think that they impose on their children are completely "fair" requirements, not noticing that "invest" in them (requirements) a child waiting for its parent.
- One dad was waiting for his son "holding his words" imposed in the child treaties, and in fact, waited respect his needs from his mother, which never came.
- One mum got cuts everyday about the bad mood of the son, in that moment, when I was hoping to talk to him heart to heart – just as she was in pain near his mother, not leaving from the image of the teacher, and location, which never happened.
- Another mom almost hated his daughter for what she was "given every opportunity to learn, and she spat on the efforts of the mother, not finishing College". It is obvious that the hatred had the same origin as in the first two cases – the woman drank neglect from their mother and could not accept that her daughter may not appreciate her efforts ... to ensure that she herself was so important.
The discontent, the anger, the resistance of children to parents in a very vulnerable place in their own deficiencies and vulnerabilities. However, children are not guilty in the emergence of these vulnerabilities and deficits and, therefore, cannot be held responsible for them.
Dissatisfaction, anger and resistance of children often is an attempt to delimit their boundaries, to show that they may have other needs and other – even more childish, immature, values.
Apparently, it takes a lot of effort to recognize that outbursts of anger in children can be triggered by unreasonable expectations from their own parents. No child can replace the parent of its parent – it can not in principle be such an experience to be able to support, as a Mature man. The child can play along with the expectation to simulate the care or support, or "content word", or will to resist.
The second strategy, in my opinion, healthier first, as directed on the protection of its borders, but, alas, not too good for life... Life motivation may remain at the level of "doing contrary to the parent," not "to do right for themselves".
Sometimes the appearance of "bad" feelings associated with the trespassing child. The girl who left the Institute, and are unable to explain to my mom why she didn't want to go to law school, though many were angry at her.
And, for example, my eldest son several times annoyed at me because I have a habit to repeat it several times. He doesn't need it because he "got it right the first time".
Sometimes the feelings of children do not affect parents, and can be brought from another life (from school, for example). However, as described above, mother wounded in a relationship with my mother, quite alone nomernogo sight of your child – and... the contact is already lost.
You will also need to work on the assignment the idea that a child is a human being, and he can do something does not like – at all, or in a given time.
If the child is forbidden to be discontented under the pretext of "you Have no reason," he harvested a dangerous trap. So he can take away the right that don't like, not suitable, and deprived of the right on the border.
So, in adult life he will not be able to rely on this reality, ignoring the discomfort, inconvenience and even violence towards themselves.published
Author: Veronica Brown
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.facebook.com/veronika.hlebova.9/posts/10207953104001488
