How to raise a child's self-esteem

We live in a society where one of the core values is freedom. We long to throw off all limitations and to transcend borders. We want to foster free and independent of their children. But, as practice shows, to be free can only be put on certain restrictions.

British psychologist Robert MacKenzie believes that the entire parental experience of education is placed in a three-dimensional approach to the education of our children. According to the concept of a scientist, most of us use one of three strategies parenting: permissiveness, authoritarian or democratic.

What are these three approaches?

Who could say no to something beloved child? For your child we are ready to do everything possible and impossible. We are willing to "hurt himself", but to buy him everything he wants and does not forbid him to do what he wants. That is the attitude of permissiveness.

Its main motto – everything for the kids. Using this strategy parents are afraid to bring children out of balance. Typically,these adults take part in the decision of all problems of children, and they, in turn, grow up with the belief that parents always owe everything and that rules are for others but not for them.

Some parents are trying to shape and control the behavior of their children authoritarian, in accordance with their ideas about the standards of education (usually unrealistically high).Children must meet the requirements of parents. They are obliged to be obedient to authorities, to be involved in the work and respect the traditionally established order. All problems can be solved by force, through the strategy of "winner-loser". Parents in such families in all of the direct and control of the child. Their children grow up knowing, tocommunicate and solving problems is a painful process, and solution to all questions lies in the responsibility of the parents, and their voice is not taken into account.In such circumstances, children often rebel, avenge parents, breaks out with anger or, on the contrary, become isolated and go away.

Parents who choose a democratic way of education, guided by the assumption that children are able to solve their problems, they just need to be motivated to cooperate with adults. Such parents tend to leave children space to select and allow them to learn from their mistakes. They are focused on cooperation with children, the strategy of "win-win", their relationship is mutual respect, children take an active part in the solution of problems. In such circumstances, the children learn responsibility, cooperation, ability to select and draw conclusions from their actions.


Professor of clinical and social psychology, Exeter University Martin Gerber believes that a fair, understandable and clear boundaries with the child are simply necessary. The presence of such boundaries helps to introduce clear principles of behavior and discover your expectations to him. They also determine the balance of power in the family and establish a hierarchy of family relationships. Numerous studies confirm that children whose families such boundaries is, grow with the realization of self-worth, and self-confident. The same studies indicate that in families where parents treat children with heart with tenderness and warmth, control them within reasonable limits, at the same time setting before them the high standards that the children grow up more attuned to a successful independent life.

Therefore, the third of the proposed models can be called a model of the "Golden mean" and to offer it as the most sustainable and successful strategy of parenting. published


Author: Alexander Dobroyer


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©



See also

New and interesting